In keeping with the spirit of the times: I Propose we Outlaw Sex

[Sandpiper]

In Consideration of the following:


Many Americans find sex embarassing

Many Americans find sex offensive

Gay people have sex

People get naked when they have sex and nudity is offensive

Sex is something that people don't want children to know about

Sex is the root cause of all abortions


I hereby propose a constitutional amendment banning all acts of sexual intercourse, including masturbation.

I further propose that from now on, all Americans must bathe or shower in the dark, as the sight of a naked human body is offensive to many people, and too often leads to thoughts of sex.

[SaintAnne]

1. he he

shhhh, keep it quiet, don't give the right any ideas

[flowomo]

2. People get naked when they have sex?

damn. I learn something every day on DU....

[noordinaryspider]

6. Cotton/poly T-shirts....

need to be banned too. It says so in the bible right there in Leviticus 19:19.

[Cleita]

11. Shocking!

Whatever happened to the sheet with the hole in it?

[George_S]

13. Thanks for the image.

Kind of like a slide show actually.

Does it mean this?

No, that? No.

Oh, that!

Yeah, thanks for the image :)

[GodHelpUsAll2]

3. You forgot to mention

the sometimes rather loud obscenities are, from time to time screamed out while having sex. And the use of obscenities is offensive.

At times, minor injuries can occur as a result of sex and masturbation. Which in turn drive up the cost of health care. And that is a big part of why the insurance companies are forced to drive up the premiums thus leaving millions with no coverage at all.

You may be correct. Sex is the root of ALL of America's problems!

[A Simple Game]

4. All Americans must bathe or shower in the dark.

Just make it illegal to bathe, the no sex part should take care of itself within a month or so. Well at least be greatly reduced.

Edit: typo

[troubleinwinter]

5. Sex may be bad, but Scalia says orgies are good:

Challenged about his views on sexual morality, Justice Scalia surprised his audience at Harvard University, telling them: “I even take the position that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.”

[flowomo]

7. and ya know.... for the first time I liked the guy....

until he said it was a joke.

[troubleinwinter]

8. Aw, ya didn't take him seriously when he said it was a joke, did ya?

[NuttyFluffers]

9. already done, check some states' blue laws.

somewhere around 8 states (mostly western) have anti-fornication laws. they were applied during the territory/proto-state periods to keep down prostitution. from then on they were generally ignored. recently they have been resurrected and are (were?) unequally used to prosecute teens having sex (usually the boy, because it's easier to paint them as actors overwhelming girls' moral sense -- gets more convictions). there has been some fighting against it, but i haven't maintained knowledge about their current status. hell, somewhere in montel williams' archives you can find the show that exposed me to this weird tidbit of american arcana.

[prof_science]

10. Forget that.

More. Sex. Please.

[choicevoice]

12. but, but...................

Sex is my religion time. People from miles around can hear me praising Jaezusssssssssssssssssssssss...

[George_S]

14. Yep, I can hear it here in California.

[Kablooie]

15. a "No Sex" law would be very helpful ...

because it would be enforced in the red states and the radical conservative population would start to decline.

[HeeBGBz]

16. I never get any anyway

Maybe they've already done it...

[Francine Frensky]

17. No, the republicans will just SAY it's bad, then force it on everyone

the repubs are in bed with big business, big business knows that sex sells, and so use the Fox network as your guide to the future:

conservative news, sleazy tv shows.

[Sin]

18. Naked News

Has all ready combined The joys of News and Sex
but I have a sneaking suspicion that they lean to the left. :)