Retort to religious homophobes:Feel free to suggest additions.

[mom cat]

This came to my e-mail..Thought you might enjoy!

Dear President Bush:evilfrown:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "In the eyes of God, marriage is based between a man and a woman." When someone tries to defend homosexuals, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

I need more advice on following some other elements of God's laws:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?


I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him, or could I ask the police to do it?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

1. This isn't funny, like yours, but....

.....I have had many good arguments with my brother wherein I cited the fact that Jesus never said word one about the issue. "Pretty amazing that the Savior Himself found it more important to comment on rich men only entering heaven with the ease of a camel getting through the eye of a needle than on homosexuality, huh?"

He has never made a good comeback. I *know* it's made him think, which is really a victory in and of itself.

[mom cat]

4. Subject: Great victory! Penetrating a thick skull is remarkable.

[asjr]

2. I received the same one and got a big laugh.

Passed it on to my Dem friends and one particulary nasty Repub.

[mom cat]

5. nice job!

[lovedems]

3. Here is one that I received via email

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us
non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked
off here in California, so we're leaving you.
California will now be its own country. And we're
taking all the Blue States with us. In case you
are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois, all of the North East States, and the
urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split
will be beneficial to almost everybody, and
especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it,
she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm
EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
know they need to be back in their states by
then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean
and Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San
Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God
is letting you have the KKK and country music
(except the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California
will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you
need people to fight in Fallujah, just ask your
evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for
absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming
home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave
states, and we get the Governator and stem cell
research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the
south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up
with your own late night TV shows because we get
MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan
O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your
people at Fox News to come up with something
entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch
Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years
and we hope, really hope, you find those missing
weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.¬Ý Soon.

Sincerely,
California

[mom cat]

6. Let us however, grant asylum to those wanting to escape from

the Red States. They will, however, need to pass the Global Test:
Do they give a damn if the planet survives, and if so,would they be willing to share things equally and get over wanting to kill others.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. Think ** will really create a

U.S. Dept. of Faith? http://www.whitehouse.org/dof/faith-funding.asp

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