Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night

[PunkinPi]

CANADA REPORTS HUGE JUMP IN IMMIGRATION


Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night


Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past twenty-four hours, with over fifty-five million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

Of those fifty-five million requests, well over 99.99% of them came from U.S. citizens, the lion's share residing in such states as New York, California, Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, and the District of Columbia.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew said that he was "flabbergasted" by the fifty-five-million-plus requests for Canadian citizenship, adding that it was difficult to pinpoint the precise reasons for the staggering increase.

"My only theory is that after many years of exposure in the U.S., hockey is finally starting to catch on," Mr. Pettigrew said.

He cautioned, however, that it is impossible to know exactly what is sparking the sudden interest in America's frozen neighbor to the north: "People answering our immigration hotline say that it is hard to understand many of the American callers because they are sobbing uncontrollably."

In other news, President Bush used his acceptance speech Wednesday to reach out to supporters of Sen. John Kerry, telling them, "You can run, but you can't hide."

Meanwhile, in his first statement since being voted out of office Tuesday night, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said, "Do you want fries with that?"

Elsewhere, experts said that exit polls may have falsely predicted a Kerry victory because Kerry voters exited while Bush voters stayed behind and voted again.

________
A little levity. :)

[Zookeeper]

1. I love it! Thank you, PunkinPi! n/t

[OKNancy]

2. I'm sure you didn't mean to slight

those of us in red states with you levity. I have some levity too

More people in Oklahoma voted for Kerry than voted for him in Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, Washington DC, and Delaware.

There are still a lot of Democrats here and we would appreciate a little sympathy.... and maybe some help.

[lightbulb]

7. That's why we should pay more attention to this map...

We can almost see you on this one, OKNancy! ;-)

[OKNancy]

9. What is really sad is all that purple

was bright blue last time. Gore did really well in eastern and southeastern OK.

I went an looked up the figures:

Kerry votes:

Oklahoma 504,007
D.C. 183,876
Hawaii 231,316
New Hampshire 340,019
Maine 374,819
Rhode Island 247,407
Delaware 199,887
Vermont 183,621

[ncgrits]

16. Damn! I can see good old Orange Co. NC! And it's solid BLUE! nt

[PunkinPi]

14. i happen to live in a red state -

so of course you get my sympathy and help.

[spooky3]

3. Guys--give credit where it's due--this is from borowitzreport.com

from several days ago.

Andy Borowitz is great.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=999&srch=

[SammyWinstonJack]

4. Apparently only Osama can run and hide

[lightbulb]

5. Really, really sad

America is comprised of about 49% reasonable, peace loving people. The last thing we need is this sort of brain drain bringing the number down to 48%... 47%... 46%...

And it's exactly what currently insane 51% want.

[Robert Oak]

6. Election redefines N. American map

[OKNancy]

10. That is a stupid map

and degrading to those of us who live in the green area.
Putting the word satire on it still doesn't make it funny.........
well it is sort of funny.

[Kurovski]

12. Sort of

real funny! :-)

[Nimrod]

8. ::still laughing::

"it is hard to understand many of the American callers because they are sobbing uncontrollably"

::wipes off the computer screen::

[TwilightZone]

11. If it wasn't so damn cold, I'd be seriously considering it!

;)

[idiosyncratic]

13. Thanks for a good laugh . . . I'm passing this on. n/t

[harpo]

15. holy MOVEON batman