bush and Kerry go ice fishing......

[ElsewheresDaughter]

It seems that the 2004 election was so close that the Electoral College vote was tied, and that Congress couldn't break the deadlock, and that the Supreme Court decided they'd better not make the decision themselves. So they sent Bush and Kerry to a frozen lake in northern Wisconsin to have an ice fishing contest. No one was allowed to accompany them, and they were on their honor to let the guy who caught the most fish in five days become pesident.

On the first day they went out in different directions. Kerry came back with ten fish. Bush caught none.

On the second day, Kerry caught twenty fish and again Bush came back empty handed.

When Kerry brought back 25 fish on day three and Bush still hadn't caught any, Bush got worried and telephoned Cheney for advice. "He's probably cheating," suggested the VP.

"I hadn't thought of that," said Bush. "You're probably right. What do we do?"

Cheney suggested that, instead of going fishing the next day, Bush follows Kerry to see what he was doing. At the end of day 4, Bush called Cheney up and told him, "you were right, Dick, the bastard is cheating."

"What's he doing?" asked Cheney.

"He's cutting holes in the ice!"

[Hubert Flottz]

1. Bush/Cheney are both Iceholes!

Edit} To late to edit!

[aden_nak]

2. Bwahahahaha.

[Hubert Flottz]

3. George the Baptist!

BAPTIST COWBOY


A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three bottles of beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a bottle goes flat after I open it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas.! When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.He orders three beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two bottles. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Crawford and I had to quit drinking . Hasn't affected my brothers though...

[hiphopnation]

5. LMAO!!

thanks! :thumbsup:

[ElsewheresDaughter]

7. LOL that's a good one

[hiphopnation]

4. buh boom

CRASH!! Thanks!! You'll be here all week...

[Hubert Flottz]

6. I don't get no respect either!

No Respect at all!

[Gothmog]

8. LOL

Very funny. Thanks for sharing

[Hubert Flottz]

9. Bush and Clinton go drinking!

Bush gets dog drunk so, Bill offers to drive the Shrub home!

Shrub passes out on the way and barffs all down the front of his new shirt!

Shrubs wakes up in a panic, "Oh my Gawd pickles just bought me this shirt this morning! She's gonna' kick my a$$!"

Bill Tells Shrub, "No sweat Bubba! Just get that wad of money out of your back pocket and stick a 20 in the shirt pocket! When you get home, tell the wife that I got drunk and puked on you and I sent the dough to pay the laundry bill!"

Shrub puts some money in his shirt pocket and sez, "By-Gawd Bill, that just might work!"

Bill drops Shrub off and goes on and Pickles meets Shrub at the front door!

"Holy Mother of Gawd George, you're Drunk! Look at that new shirt! You stink like a damned pig! Do you have any idea how damned disgusting you look? "Yells Pickles!

Shrub jerks the cash out of his nasty shirt pocket and sez, "Here Honey Lamb, Bill Clinton puked on me and he sent this 20 dollars to pay for the shirt!"

Pickles grabs the money, looks at it and sez, "Why George there's 40 dollars here!"

Shrub sez, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya! That damned librul sh*t my damned pants too!"

[n2mark]

10. My all time favorite...

Clocks in Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."