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Dear Mr. Rather, I would like to say thank you for your totally objective reporting for CBS over the past years. I still vaguely remember you reporting after that SOB "President" Kennedy got his just reward for threatening the future of my party and my Daddy's friends at the CIA. I also remember when the totally false allegations of Iran-Contra (or if they weren't false, President Reagan was doing what he did best, protecting the United States from a entirely possible dangerous outcropping of communism in one of those countries with the little brown ones). What did you, Dan? You chewed out my very own Daddy in front of a national audience for 15 minutes. I, personally, have never gotten over that spectacle. So, Dan, I am writing to tell you congratulations on finding false documents from that bitch commander Killian that I did not, in fact, fulfill my duty to my country in the seventies. Congratulations, you worthless pig. I hope you roast in hell with Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman and any other Democratic politician who is not named Zell. I would also like to advise you to keep your clap-trap shut about me and my totally honorable, distinguished service to the Grand Ol' USA. Remember when my Daddy's friends beat you up while asking you what the frequency, Kenneth? I promise that that was just a sneak preview should you continue to persist on this issue. Yours in Christ, President George W. Bush
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