Psychologically Effective Ways Of 'Converting' Friends & Family?

[phrenzy]

Hey all.

I am in a strange dilemma. The girl I have been seeing seems to be a (gulp) Bush supporter. However, she is NOT a hard-core winger, rather she is one of those apolitical naive type of supporters. She believes that we did a great thing by 'freeing' the Iraqi people from Saddam (hard to argue with on some levels) and that Bush is generally a 'caring' man. I haven't gotten in to many details with her because she is so timid that I know it would turn her off to come at her guns blazing trying to explain why Bush is horrible and Kerry MUST be elected. She seems to only respond to positive 'feel-good' rhetoric. Something which, after 4 years of shrub is hard to think of.

Instead what I'm trying to do is give her bits of information while at the same time not demonizing every Republican. I try gently tell her why the republican way is unwise and not positive but at the same time I try to not make her feel stupid for feeling the way she does. Anyway, i'm not sure if I am changing her mind, but it is really hard to deal with because I really like her, but this is just one area that obviously makes me (and her) really uncomfortable.

We have planned to watch F9/11 on DVD together when it comes out (she has not seen it) - So, I am hoping that can open her eyes to some extent. Again, I think she may feel that it is over the top and too 'heavy handed' - If this is the case, I think I may say "yes it may heavy handed, but even if you don't believe the 'opinion' parts of the movie, you really can't argue with the parts that speak for themselves can you?"

Anyway, what I am really interested in is discussing EFFECTIVE ways of changing peoples minds. NOT telling them how stupid they are for supporting Shrub, NOT ranting about Shrub in a way that will turn people off, but rationally and respectfully giving a person information that will allow them to CHANGE THEIR OWN MIND. That is the key. I think that people really do need to feel that they haven't been 'talked in' to changing a deeply held position but they must feel that their 'heart' changed.

Has anybody had success doing this consistently? Has anybody lost relationships over things like this?

Thanks so much!

[iconoclastic cat]

1. Well, I've tried emulating the best stuff from "Closetland,"

but now I'm apparently not getting anything for X-mas that costs over 5 dollars, so maybe that didn't work.

[BlueHandDuo]

12. Don't try to change her beliefs...

...just give her more data for those beliefs to operate on.

She perceives Bush as a "caring" person, so try to show her how a person who cares can, with the best intentions in the world, produce a policy that will logically yield unintended damaging results.

That way, she'll never have to wrap her mind around the idea that she was wrong about Bush's character.

[info being]

2. What you are looking for is a pain-free way of doing it

There isn't one. When I first became a Progressive, I had to pull my wife along with me. We had many arguments over the course of several months...but finally she understood where I was coming from and now we agree on most issues.

There is no way to change someone's beliefs without making them confront the things they don't want to confront. There is no way of sugar-coating it...you care about these things, she doesn't...so she's going to have to decide whether she can put up with your honesty or not.

[sangh0]

3. Talk about the issues, not the candidates

And I would advise to stay away from the war.

Talk about domestic security, and how firemen and police aren't getting any money for training and equipment. Talk about the price of gas. Talk about the economy and jobs. Talk about abortion.

Find out how she feels on issues, and what her values are. THEN, and only then, do you start comparing the candidates.

[david_vincent]

4. Explain to her how Republican policies

shift the bill from the current generations -- those who are profiting -- to future generations, i.e. that they are just making today's kids pay for everything. If you can get her to understand that today's 7- and 8-year olds will be inheriting a huge burden of debt because of the Republicans, then her natural sympathies will help to distance her from the Permanent War Party.

[Beaverhausen]

5. The girl you are seeing is female, right?

well I can't see why any woman would vote for Bush.

The right wing is trying to take away a woman's right to choose, they make laws that help business owners screw over working people which hurts families, they relax laws that help protect the environment, They refuse to do anything to help the healthcare crisis in our country, they send young men and women to kill innocent people in far away lands...

Ask her what issues are important to her? It's easy to convince people that Bush doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself and his rich friends.

[Kanary]

6. The same as anything else..... respect, and listening to the feeling level

I would suggest doing some reading on "Active Listening", from Parent Effectiveness Training. It's the Non0Violent way to communicate with ANYONE, and shows you how to do so with respect for others.

It takes a bit to get used to, as we, as a society, are not used to non-coercive interactions, but it *works*.

Whenever we try to get someone to change their minds by arguments, we are using control, and that is hardly ever appreciated, if you think back to how you feel when others try to do that with you.

Good luck.

Kanary

[stray cat]

7. Factcheck.org

I've introduced my on the fence friends to the web site factcheck.org a nonpartisan group that corrects campaign exagerations and lies so at least they can get an accurate picture. I also have suggested they tune in to Jon Stewarts Daily show because he makes good points about politics that the media totally misses.

I explained to one friend how Bush's tax cuts actually played out and how he sold repealing the estate tax by telling people it was a death tax that led to the loss of family farms (farms were exempt already - ie Bush plays us for fools).

I've found if I don't push too hard and bring up concrete facts it helps.

[shockingelk]

8. Go to a "party for the president" event

Maybe go with her to a "party for the president" event, which can be found at Bush's campaign site.

Than take her to a Kerry or moveon event.

If she thinks the conversation at the Bush event is more thoughtful, there is probably no hope.

[Pithlet]

9. It can take a long time

If you want to do it the "nice" way. Sometimes, it never happens. But, when someone does come around, it is a good feeling. Look for signs that you are getting through, and that the person isn't just throwing a wall up. It can be extremely difficult if not impossible for some to come to the conclusion that they are wrong.

I say this as an ex-repug (A long time ago, before I was old enough to vote, thank God), it took awhile for me to change my views. It was mostly my own experiences, but a few people who's opinions I highly valued did help. I shudder to think of the opinions I once held, but now I'm completely the opposite on almost all of them.

Whatever happens, I think it is possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone who doesn't see eye to eye politically. I know there are others here who may disagree with that, and it's easy for me to say since my husband is also very liberal. But, there are other things to base a relationship on. A person can be kind, and good, and a Republican.

[Kierkegaard]

10. Try this

You must know of at least a few things that affect her on a personal level, i.e., health insurance, job security, civil liberties, environment, etc.

Arm yourself with the truths about Bush* policy that will help her realize the conflict of interest.

For example, ask her if it's important to her that we have clean water (I would hope this would be an affirmative), then ask her if she is aware of the administration's assault on EPA standards that are counter to that reality. Back it up with facts. Leading her with questions and letting her answer them will allow her to come to her own conclusions (hopefully the right ones) and should make her more receptive and less defensive.

You need not even mention Bush* by name, just stick to her interests and make your case.

[donkeyotay]

11. it's very difficult, especially because they are going to get mad

I think you have to supply information that conflicts with their beliefs. For example, she thinks * is caring... it's a pretty safe bet that she watches crap like FOX or listens to Rush and thinks these are reasonable positions. So, you might try saying, "You think * is caring? What makes you think that?" Ask for more information and listen. At some point you can add your respond with something like, "My take on him is so different. I haven't thought he was very caring ever since he mocked that woman they executed in Texas."

Same with Iraq. You might partially agree with a statement such as "they're free." You can accept that but provide another part of it such as, "But so many of them have died and there's no end in sight."

Give her food for thought. At some point though, when her old system of beliefs gets shaky, she might take it out on you. Just be prepared to be shot for being the messenger, and don't take it too personally. If the relationship means enough, that will just be a phase.

That's been my experience with some family members. It takes time.

[TahitiNut]

13. We cannot "fix" another person. That's a "do it yourself" project.

I regard any support for this regime to be a serious mental pathology, at this point. I'd rather 'fall' in love with a street hooker in the hopes she gave it up than anyone who could countenance the overt corruption, hypocrisy, and deceit of this cabal. I could far more easily accept someone who preferred Buchanan, Nader, or even LaRouche.

[phrenzy]

14. Great Stuff

These are ALL very helpful. I think I should start a 'conversion FAQ' haha. Keep the ideas coming.. please!