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Taking a cue from the highly successful economic management policies of the Bush administration, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church, has decided to offer a tithe cut for the rich. The new Tithe Reform Declaration would substantially reduce the tithe burdens of the upper Mormon classes as part of a general supply-side economic program to stimulate Mormon investments.
Traditionally, Mormons are required to donate ten percent of their income to the church as a tithe. It pays for new temples, worldwide missionary programs, free copies of the Book of Mormon, and bureaucratic operating costs. Many church members have found the flat tithe rate to be too socialistic and have clamored for a regressive tithe system based on the American payroll tax system.
The leaders of the Mormon church asked God for the desperately-needed tithe reform and quickly jotted down his 'revelation' in a private session. God declared that the church may set a tithe-ceiling in the $50,000 to $200,000 range, with income above a certain rate tithe-free. The 15-member Mormon leadership, all of whom make six-figure salaries, quickly voted to set income above $50,000 to be tithe-free. Two previous declarations from God in 1978 and 1890 reversed the doctrines of "Blacks are subhuman and are cursed by God" and polygamy, respectively.
The additional wealth retained by the upper Mormon classes is expected to 'trickle down' and benefit all men in the form of pandhandling donations, dropped coins, increased consumption of aluminum sodas, caviar sales, and direct foreign investment. While the church budget will suffer a huge deficit, Mormon economists expects the deficit to gradually decrease: The budget should be balanced by the year 2346.
While conservative think-tanks, Reaganomists, and middle-class Mormons applaud the tithe reform decision, there has been some pockets of discontent in the Mormon working classes. The disgruntled nonconformists, some of whom even though of voting Democratic, have suspected terrorist links and have all been re-educated. Tech correspondents' attempts to examine the exact nature of the re-education program have been unsuccessful due to the inability to get a temporary 'temple recommend' and actually enter a temple.
Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley, political leader of the Mormons, expects the supply-side program of tithe cuts and deficit spending to greatly improve Mormon finances. Any negative results would merely be due to the depressed economic climate in the aftermath of the September 11th tragedy. Hinckley could not be reached for comment due to his attending a summit with other Republican leaders on changing the national anthem to"Onward, Christian Solder" in preparation for Iraqi War II.
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