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Found this posted on the AOL message board.
2004 Republican National Convention Schedule
(Only one day and almost all the issues seem to be covered!)
10:00 am: Opening Ceremony: Pat Boone accompanies Lee Greenwood singing "I'm Proud to be an American"
10:05 am: Vote on motion to go into Closed Session. (If motion fails, Justice Antonin Scalia will announce that all media must turn off audio and video recording devices.)
10:30 am: Katherine Harris speaks on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
10:45 am: Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
11:00 am: Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
11:10 am: Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Birth Control Should Be Outlawed"
11:30 am: Rush Limbaugh - "Just Say No To Drugs"
11:45 am: Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
12:00 noon: Singing of "God Bless America" and big screen projection of "Blue Angels" fly-over
12:04 pm: Lunch Break - steak with vegetable, sides of ketchup and relish, yellow cake
12:30 pm: Oliver North - "Never Trade Arms with Terrorists"
1:00 pm: Reps. Doolittle and DeLay speak on the GOP congressional agenda.
1:30 pm: Group cheer -- Global-Warming-Schmobal-Warming!
1:35 pm: GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell and Condi Rice
2:00 pm: Accounting for Beginners -- "Tax Cuts are Good for Deficit Reduction"
2:30 pm: Labor Secretary Elaine Chao speaks on "Economic Growth Through Job Exportation"
3:00 pm: Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
3:30 pm: Unveiling of "The Guide to Imperialism" by the Heritage Foundation
4:00 pm: Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
4:15 pm: "Eradicate Poor People" Happy Hour (guided sight-seeing buses leaving for Harlem every 10 minutes)
6:00 pm: Dinner Break: Texas-Style Endangered Species Barbeque
7:00 pm: John Ashcroft leads ceremonial burning of the Bill of Rights
(Note to convention hall staff - make sure Statue of Justice is fully clothed)
7:15 pm: George W. Bush video tribute "Higher than a Kite: Portrait of a Fighter Pilot"
7:30 pm: Vote on motion to put image of Ronald Reagan on one dollar bill
Keynote Speech by Dick Cheney (Exact time TBA, depending on his arrival from secret bunker).
8:00 pm: "Kiss Ass" session with Christian Coalition
8:30 pm: Workshop on government-corporate relations by Dick Cheney
8:45 pm: Log Cabin Republicans Encounter Session -- Coming to Terms with Your Self-Hatred 9:00 pm: Assault Rifle Raffle
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