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“Take out the papers and the trash…”
Sorry to steal the line, guys, but it’s apropos in 2004 as well.
John Kerry and John Edwards stand poised, with our help, to take out the trash, once and for all. The cans sit ready at the curb, marked for disposal. The Cheney can bears the warning label “Warning - Do Not Agitate”, while the other one reads “Caution – No User Serviceable Parts Inside”. Just to the right of this sits a second label saying “Contents May Burst Under Pressure.” This can has no name on it, but everyone knows the occupant. Taped to the Cheney container is a map of Vermont, while affixed to the other is an earpiece, a set of training wheels, and a watch that shows the time in seven-minute intervals. Both cans stink.
The trash has been here for far too long, and no matter how matter how many radio zealots try to make it fillet mignon it’s still trash. Day by day, more of America finds itself downwind of the stench, and they too believe the cans belong not in the kitchen but on the curb. They no longer listen to those who tell them otherwise, those who walk in spattered in blood and proclaim cleanliness. Turn around and leave, they say, we’ve heard your song before. “You just put on your coat and hat, and walk yourself to the laundromat…”
Meanwhile, K & E Refuse Removal tours the country, adding converts by the thousands with each stop. The Vet and the Veep tell the story of a land that seems far, far away, one where sane men led and people listened, and where trusted men told truths. The young people are eager to hear of such a place, and the elders sing songs of Camelot and wonder if history can indeed repeat itself. The Vet speaks in measured tones, knowing the task that awaits him is daunting. The Veep, though, lights it up like a ’65 summer night at Shea, where four guys from Liverpool realized they had a few more fans than everybody thought. When he finishes, 200 heart surgeons across America hit their cell phones and put a bald-headed neo-con on speed dial.
The boy’s got spunk, the old folks say, boatloads of it. Together with the Vet, they slowly but surely lift up the collective funeral veil that America has worn for lo these many years. As the Veep shows the promise, the Vet shows the plan, and America realizes that Phase 1 of The Escape From Hell 2004 Tour consists first and foremost of three simple steps 1) pull lever (D) in November, 2) repeat, 3) watch your back. Phase 2 has a lot to do with garbage.
So we sit now a scant few months away from the curb being clean again. For all of us who like fresh, dirt-free environs, it can’t come soon enough. If, however, you find yourself within olfactory range of those that don’t, you may find yourselves subjected to the lies once again, as the dirty try and convince the clean that black is white, and up is down. If they try, well, you know what to do. Just cue The Coasters.
“Yakkety yak – don’t talk back”.
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