if cable news was a high school

[pstokely]

originally posted in rec.arts.tv

Every once in a while it occurs to me that people on cable news fit
ratherly nice high school stereotypes. So I have thought that:

Principal: Pat Buchanan very strict and has seniority

Vice Principal: Robert Novak the fascist type vice principal that brings
fear to everyone. Stop running and you have detention - favorite line.

English teacher: Greta VanSustern the hip teacher that associates well
with students but also respected

Gym/Math Teacher: Wolf Blitzer the gym teacher who believes that playing
basketball for 1/2 the class is enough. Get him as math teacher he
leaves you in tears. (I had a teacher like this in high school.)

Student president: O'Reilly the guy who wins on "orange juice not orange
aid"

School bullly/sidekick: Hannity and Colmes. Hannity the school bully
with his weak sidekick who does their homework.

School gossip: Rita Cosby. The girl you never want to talk to but
somehow knows who slept with whom.

Good girl: Kyra Philliips. The sweet girl that goes to church and works
as a volunteer for all the outreach programs.

Sick kid: Neal Covuto: Girls mother him, boys consider him no threat,
athletes use him as a mascot.

Alleged Bad girl: Kristi Muscemisci the girl that is most gossiped about
but never really sure whats true and whats not.

Rich girl: Daryn Kagen. The girl who dresses the most expensive and
drives in style.

Head cheerleader: Alex Witt the most bubbly slightly airheaded and
energetic girl in school.

Movie geek: Chris Matthews the guy you ask what good movies to see with
your girlfriend or to solve trivia questions.

Class clown: Keith Olbermann - well who else fits the mold?

Classic dumb jock: Shephard Smith sure he wins the state title in two
sports but his glory days end with graduation.

School counselor: Larry King. The guy all students tell their problems
to. The counselor who listens sympathetically and makes you feel like
your problems are not your fault.

[Mika]

1. That's the best argument for home schooling I've seen

;-)

---

... because our Bonesman is better than their Bonesman

[Cursive_Knives512]

2. That's great

[laura888]

3. one of the reasons why cable news is so successful

it validates what we learned in high school.

In all other aspects, most of what we learned about high school is a bunch of BS.

But for those of us who experienced high school in the U.S. - cable news just keeps the myths afloat - at least enough to keep us asking "is this what real life is about?"

you gotta get beyond this to see the truth.

[displacedtexan]

4. Excellent!

After 25 years teaching HS, I would add:

Debate team captain: Tucker Carlson (HS debaters are simultaneously ruthless and cheesy).

Audio/Visual Club Prez: Chris Matthews (You and I diverge here)-- Tweety was never cool, never brainy, never artistic; but I'll bet that he could run the overhead projector while the teacher took a Tylenol/Prozac break!

School Slut/ Angel: E.D. Hill (FAUX and Friends)-- Everyone thought she was an angel... while she was stupping the young Volleyball coach.

[KittyWampus]

5. The Slow Kid Who's Been Left Back -O'Reilly

:D