I feel compelled to post this RW e-mail so we can all have a good laugh

[Blue_Tires]

and i say that as a displaced Virginian who went to colege n GA...



Issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners And Northeastern Urbanites:

15 Ways to Avoid a Southern Ass Whipping

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever-it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment
(e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.

8 Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended-with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.

9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern dungholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box....Minus your ass



As a black male, I am naturally most offended by # 15!!!! (lol) I can tell this raving 'neck needs to find Kansas City on a map if he wants some real 'CUE!!!

[TrueAmerican]

1. I would modify number 5 and put in the Bushes

also.

Its debateable whether Florida or Texas is the South. But close enought.

[atre]

14. Don't forget Elizabeth Dole

She hadn't spent more than a week in N.C. in the past 40 years before running for the Senate. Unlike NY, we actually have established residence requirements here, but she skirted them by listing her mom's house as her own.

[Peregrine]

2. Amen to that

I am naturally most offended by # 15!!!! (lol) I can tell this raving 'neck needs to find Kansas City on a map if he wants some real 'CUE!!!

Rosedales and 7th Street BBQ. Not a fan of A. Bryants. But the places in KCK in the river bottoms, are the best.

[GOPFighter]

3. Oh yeah? Well keep your good ol' boy politicians...

...and their perverted idea of Christianity away from this Yankee or I'll kick their ass..and then yours!

:evilgrin:

(all I need is 14 more!)

[bluestateguy]

4. My name is bluestateguy for a reason

I have Blue State values. They have Red State values.

[atre]

15. You shouldn't generalize

This email is not representative of the South, or any red states for that matter.

I'm not sure WHERE anything is called a "coke." We tend to use "soft drink" here in N.C., at least the parts I've lived in.

[thebaghwan]

5. Yessir, I was raised in KCMO. Ah! that Gates bbq.

n/t

[Jeebo]

6. It's not RW, it's South vs. North ...

... which is not necessarily the same thing. I'm a white Southerner. I'm also a flaming liberal and a yellow-dog Democrat. I believe I know what I'm talking about when I say that this post is about not political ideologies, but a clash of cultures.

I also live a two-hour drive from Kansas City. I've visited Kansas City many times and eaten barbecue there. It can't hold a candle to Sonny's Barbecue restaurants. There are lots of Sonny's in Georgia and Florida. Try a rack or half-rack of Sonny's baby back ribs and tell me that stuff in Kansas City comes even close.

Ron

[Spider Jerusalem]

10. The hell with Sonny's...

next time you're in Georgia, if you have the time, go to Fresh Air Barbecue in Jackson. Best pit-smoked chopped pork anywhere. And the ribs are excellent. In business since 1929, and consistently named Georgia's best...and named in the top ten southern barbecue restaurants in a magazine survey a few years back.

[Cat Atomic]

7. Well, well.

He's awfully defensive for a well educated, business savvy, articulate gentleman.

[neebob]

8. Darned if that isn't the stupidest thing I've ever read.

[bobbyboucher]

9. Don't you mean

LICK my ass, you country-ass, knuckle-draggin', punk ass boy?

[Djinn]

11. Are there really people in the South called Ovine????

do they know that it means "of or pertaining to sheep, sheeplike"

also had to laugh at "Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others.....and “kick the ass” of anyone who dares to call a Coke a soda amongst other trangressions

[Spider Jerusalem]

12. Yeah, that one is ludicrous.

"Sir, you have offended my tender Southern sensibilities by daring to refer, in your insolent Yankee manner, to one of the many varieties of Coke (so called because it is from Georgia, and therefore superior) as SPRITE. I shall be sending seconds to call on you."

[Sugarbleus]

13. ROFLMAO!!! That is toooooooooooo funny. And you are right about

Barbecue. lol lol Thanks for the laughs.



"Whadda cuntry"

[SmileyBoy]

16. Wow, you're REALLY encouraging me to go down to the South, aren't you???

See, stuff like this is why I harbour negative feelings towards the South.

[Guaranteed]

17. Kick MY ass? YOU lost the big one! nt

[kcordell]

18. Just What College Did You Attend?

"and i say that as a displaced Virginian who went to colege n GA"

[Blue_Tires]

20. Morehouse College in Atlanta n/t

[Catshrink]

19. My nephew loved it...

thanks for making his day.