From Adam Felber - Constitution 2.0

[TlalocW]

Adam does Fanatical Apathy - a political satire newsletter. http://felbers.net/mt

Constitution, version 2.0

We the straight people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect heterosexual union, establish justice (except for gays), insure domestic tranquility (oh, yeah, and except for those lesbians, too - except if it's like, some hot coed who's really just experimenting and will eventually settle down but probably someday suggest to her husband that they engage in a consequence-free threesone with a close female friend), provide for the common defense of marriage, promote the general welfare (of non-fairies), and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves (and let us stipulate that 'ourselves' means 'us who aren't going to go around abusing said liberty by trying to marry a "same sex" partner) and our posterity (assuming that our posterity gets his act together and stops hanging around with those suspiciously well-dressed friends of his, you know what we mean? It's not like we didn't raise him right, send him to the best schools and whatnot, so if he thinks he can turn this little phase - which we all go through, by the way, at least some of us, at least to the point of having THOUGHTS about it, but always remembering that such thoughts are bad, bad things that show a weakness of spirit and must be beaten out of us by our spouses, preferably with a firm paddle - anyway, if he thinks he can live THAT sort of lifestyle and still enjoy the "blessings of liberty,", well, he and his flouncy friends have got another thing coming, let's be clear on that), do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Straights of America.