Dr Laura and homosexuality...HILARIOUS

[AlecBGreen]

My brother sent me this in an email. Enjoy!

p.s. Is this guys name for real?


Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her Radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.
Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1: 9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan
Homer Simpson-Caldwell

[BigBigBear]

1. Oldie

but a goodie !

[knight_of_the_star]

2. Nice!

That is TOO good! Anyone who wants to quote the Old Testament in support of that is going to be in for some serious trouble.

[saltpoint]

3. This is the first time I've seen it --

-- thanks for the post.

And yeah -- why CAN'T I own Canadians!?

[The Traveler]

4. ROFLMFAO -- This may be an oldie ...

But it is new to me and I am still laughing my pale Irish butt off. This rocks.

[foreigncorrespondent]

5. An oldie...

...but a bloody good one!

Thanks for posting this!

[calimary]

6. I loved this the first time I saw it. WELL worth repeating, and enjoying

yet again!

[never cry wolf]

7. First time I have seen it, thanks!!

BTW: Dr. Laura don't look too bad in some of her soft porn pics on line.

[Taeger]

8. Dr Laura ...

The GOP poster girl for hypocrisy. Forget Anne Coulter, she's just a dumb blonde.

Dr Laura:

1) She's against divorce - She divorced her first husband
2) She's against cheating - She had an affair during her first marriage
3) Rails against pornography - She did some NICE nudes with the afore-mentioned lover
4) She doesn't believe in interfaith marriage - She's married to a Christian
5) She doesn't believe in women working - She works
6) She believes in a close relationship with your parents - she doesn't talk to her mother
7) She believes in careful child supervision - her child burnt their house down when they weren't watching.

What a fucking hypocritical MEGA-BITCH!!!!!

[opihimoimoi]

9. ROTFLMFAO

[never cry wolf]

10. Ta Ta

Or should I say tata's. Here's bartcop's take on her soft porn.

WARNING, ACTUAL SOFT PORN!

http://www.bartcop.com/mengidx.htm

[AlecBGreen]

12. wow

yeah she takes the cake

[Bunny]

17. I've heard of all your examples except the one where her kid burned

the house down. What happened with this??

[Taeger]

18. Apparantly...

I haven't found any supporting web links to this. But apparantly her son started a fire that burned their house down. Of course, Dr Laura was not present at the time.

My biggest beef with Dr Laura is that she pretends to be something she is not. She pretends that she is a doctor of psychology. She pretends that she is a therapist. She isn't. She has a PhD is phsyiology. She has as much psychological training as a dentist.

She has more qualifications to be an aerobics instructor than a radio therapist.

I truly believe that she is engaging in a form of medical malpractice. She doesn't openly claim that she is a psychologist. But she implies it with her use of the term "doctor" in context of her show.

[Bunny]

20. Well, the last thing I want to do is defend the good "doctor",

but she is a licensed Marriage, Family, and Child therapist in CA. So she has some psych training.

Which just makes her worse, in my book. Her strict interpretation of "morals and values" leaves no room for the myriad nuances of human behavior, many of which cannot be pigeon-holed into classifications of right or wrong. Things are almost NEVER as black and white as she makes them out to be.

And what outrages me about her is her determination to strip women of every hard-won right we've accomplished in the past 50-100 years. Just get us back to being the little lady, knocked up in the kitchen with young 'uns all around.

Put up with any sort of bad behavior from our man, because it's our job to support him and keep him up. Never mind our own needs. Just never mind about them, they are not important.

She is so full of self loathing, because of how she behaved in her past. And she has transferred that hatred to ALL women.

She rants about pure evil in our midst, she is a good example of the banality of evil.

[Taeger]

21. She's not a doctor in Psychology ...

She pretends to be. Does she even have a Masters in Psychology. Does California just vend pysch therapist licenses from machines in the courthouse????

[Butterflies]

22. Didn't her mother die?

and the old woman's body lied in her apartment for 4 months before the neighbors got involved and the body was found. I thought I read that about a year or so ago.

[OneBlueSky]

11. this has been around for years, but it's still funny . . .

and pretty accurate as well . . . I'm always amazed how Biblical literalists can just pick and choose which parts of the good book they feel are absolute and which aren't . . . "If it's in the Bible, it's true!" they scream . . . turns out it's only the parts they wish to emphasize that are true . . . can you say hypocrite? . . .

[devinsgram]

13. Love it and I'm

printing it out so I can show it to all my up tight religious relatives. Thank you so much.

[Az]

14. Oldie but goodie, even got made into a West Wing episode

End of the episode has Sheen reading the riot act to the Dr Laura clone.

[myrna minx]

15. Thanks for posting this...

I was just thinking about this email the other day and I couldn't find it. :toast:

[noonwitch]

16. A coworker once quoted the whole "it's an abomination before the Lord"

I suggested that she let the Lord deal with it, then.
I further asked if she believes that urban rape victims who don't scream should be stoned, since the Lord has a problem with them, too.

[Taeger]

19. BTW

Fundamentalists claim that the old testament was fullfilled with the coming of Christ. That's why they claim they aren't bound by the older Jewish laws of keeping the Sabbath (Saturday (Saturn)) as opposed to Sunday (day of the sun) day of worshipping for solar cults(Mithra, Aten, Dyonsisus, Horus))).

So anytime a fundamentalist quotes you an old testament scripture, ask them why they don't worship on Saturday as it commands in the old testament.