You'll love the source. :D
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The most startling article yet on George W. Bush comes from none other than Paul Krassner, the Moses of the alternative press, in what he declares to be the next to last issue of the Realist. Krassner claims to have obtained the report of a special consultant hired by the Bush campaign to analyze the findings of a private investigator also employed by Bush to discover what others might reveal about the Republican candidate. Krassner says he got the document from a source high in the Bush campaign.
This may sound weird, but it's the sort of thing that politicians actually do these days. The Review has previously reported on an similar investigation apparently ordered by Hillary Clinton for the 1992 campaign (The investigator in that case ended up dead in a gang style slaying).
The Bush report is pretty mild stuff compared to the Clinton saga but it does include charges of plagiarism, fraternity hazing, public drunkenness, drunken driving, group sex, cocaine and heroin use, and a woman who claims she and a friend purchased some "bad shit" from Bush, with her friend almost dying as a result.
Unlike Clinton's story, there is no mention of murder, suicide, major drug or other criminal racketeering. The dossier was perhaps best summed up by one alleged sexual partner, a Brazilian woman, who said of her sex with Bush: "I could've of done it in my sleep. In fact, I may have."
On the other hand, there is nothing in the report that recommends Bush for the presidency. Or for any other job, for that matter.
A few excerpts:
On charges of public drunkenness including an incident in which W allegedly flew a Coast Guard plane over East Texas in a state of inebriation and started to dive bomb a tower: "One or two stories like this do us no damage. If, however, the public fixes in its mind an image of W as a fall-down puking drunk, that it isn't exactly great. If this does come out, I suggest we admit everything, but explain it all took place when he was 'under the age of 25.'"
http://www.newsmax.com/showinsidecover.shtml?a=2000/11/2/223030