Say it loud, asexual and proud

[T_i_B]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,1327846,00.html

It's always a shock when you actually meet "one of them". One of those strange misfits who, unlike everyone else in modern society, is not completely obsessed with sex. They ask you back for coffee, but when you get into the flat they offer you filter or decaff. So you wink and say: "So what about these etchings you were going to show me? Eh? Eh?" and they slip out and return five minutes later with their portfolio.

It's disgusting, it really is, and far more widespread than you'd imagine. You know those little cards in the newsagent's window? They're not advertising what you think at all! No, you ring the number that promises French lessons, and they explain yes, they can do GCSE and A-level French or just beginner's conversation. Or you go round to the dingy flat that promised "large chest for sale", and they show you a big piece of furniture you can buy.

Forums such as the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Aven) are urging their members to be more vocal, as asexual chatrooms spring up on the internet (although dirty old men can get special software to block these sites out). In a society that is so completely dominated by sexual imagery and suggestion, most of us would find this idea completely repellent. I mean, what they don't do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business, but why do they have to flaunt it so?

Some of these more obscure websites are pretty graphic. There are ladies with their eyes blacked out, pictured sitting in comfy chairs wearing cardigans. You can see pixelated video clips of middle-aged gentlemen sipping a cup of tea. And then there's the personal accounts that people post up there. "One thing led to another and, well, we ended up doing a jigsaw puzzle together. It was amazing. She was obviously really experienced. 'I like to separate all the edges,' she moaned, 'and then do all the clouds'. "

[fugue]

1. THANK YOU!

Just found the AVEN site.

In all the brooha over Mary Cheney it was kinda frustrating: everyone is supposedly heterosexual or somewhere in the GLBT spectrum. Nope, sorry.

Personally I love being asexual. I watch the rest of you invest all sorts of time, energy, and grief in sex and rejoice once again that I'm not caught up in that maelstrom.

Of course, it gets weird responses from the community. One of my neighbors asked in a very worried fashion if I had a sex life. Another wouldn't let her son near me (a problem, since my dog is sort of the neighborhood mascot) because she figured that if I wasn't having sex with adults, I must be wanting to have it with kids.

Sigh. Finally somewhere to go where they already get all this stuff.

[skjpm]

2. what about "Not particularly sexual?"

I have the occasional sexual urge, but it's just not that important to me. I identify with my masculinity and all that, but I'm just not that interested in sex. I don't like the term "asexual" because it seems to mean "genderless". But I love the concept of just not caring about sex.

[smirkymonkey]

5. Same here.

It's just not an all-consuming need for me. It hasn't always been that way, and I suppose one shuts down a bit after a prolonged dry spell, but it's a relief to not be dominated by one's physical urges. I have always been much more in my head than in my body anyway.

I don't think I am asexual, I am still receptive to sexual energy but just don't feel the need to follow up on every possiblity. Other people are more concerned with my single status than I am.

[T_i_B]

4. Here's the site

http://www.asexuality.org

[shrike]

3. Lot of famous folk weren't particularly sexual

Sir Isaac Newton comes to mind. George Bernard Shaw and Ansel Adams -- the latter did marry, but from what I read of him, sex wasn't a particularly important part of his life.

Maybe when you're not worried about sex, you have time for great things.