Personnel Profile: Nate Phelps - estranged son of Fred Phelps speaks out his abusive childhood

[Shallah Kali]

http://www.capitolweekly.net/article.php?_c=yn0preo6rdxdxf&xid=yn07zpgs8btb79&done=.yn0preo6rehdxf

Out of all the physical and mental abuse you suffered as a kid, what was the worst thing you remember about growing up?
That’s a tough one to answer, its been thirty some years since I was there, and a lot of stuff just melds together in you mind. I mean there are specific events that stand out, but its just that overall sense of when he would get to a certain point of terror and fear. I remember cowering in one of the back rooms with three or four of my siblings and literally shaking and all that that entails. I mean as a child you don’t think about of the specifics of it, you’re just immersed in it. Your brain is washed with the anxiety and the fear. It just experiencing it and not knowing if there’s anything you can do about it.

SNIP

You were married for almost 20 years, have 3 children of your own and a stepdaughter. Did you struggle with being a father?
I struggled constantly with how to raise my kids. There was kind of a form of cognitive dissonance, because I knew what I’d been taught as far as raising kids. The tapes were in there, the message was always in there, but I refused to do it that way.


Actually, when the kids were very young I was still inclined towards spanking them if they got in trouble. Because I was afraid of being violent with the kids and leaving them with that impact that my father had, I made myself go through a certain ritual if I was going to spank them, to make sure it wasn’t out of anger, to make sure they knew I loved them afterwards, that kind of stuff, right?


So when my youngest son Hunter was 3 or 4, I’d take him upstairs because he’s gotten in trouble, and he’s literally shaking. I ask him why he’s shaking, and he said “Because it scares me so much when you’re going to spank me.” So I sat there and thought about it, and I talked to my wife about it, and I said, “It’s not working.”
There’s something to the whole notion of spanking your kids, and the physical part of it, that I don’t know if I’m doing it wrong or I’m just not getting it, but I basically said I’m not going to do it anymore.


The amazing thing, Kate, was that once that I had made the decision, then all of the other options opened up. Then you realize, no, you really don’t have to do that. There are plenty of ways for a child to learn discipline and responsibility and the realities of life without ever physically touching them in anger. So that was kind of the last piece of my father’s effect on me in practice.

[Fumesucker]

1. That's interesting, thanks for posting. n/t

[Happyhippychick]

2. Maya Angelou said: I don't remember what people said, I don't remember what people did. I remember

how they made me feel.

[Political Heretic]

3. This was my own upbringing and experience as well. It's more common than many realize.

[elleng]

6. I don't know what to say.

I am thinking of a friend who may have been similarly situated, but he may have been the 'good' kid, spared much of the tyranny. Could that happen? What effects on him and the siblings?

:hug:

[jonnyblitz]

4. good article. i have heard of this guy and visited his website

awhile back.

[Zoeisright]

5. Color me unsurprised.

The biggest assholes are usually the ones who are the loudest about their religion. Going to parochial schools certainly taught me that. The meanest little pricks in the universe were at those schools. They were experts on bullying, demeaning actions, and sexual abuse.

And then they sat their pious little asses in church on Sunday and figured all was forgiven. To start over again Monday.

I duck whenever I see any person who mentions 'God' in every other sentence. Odds are about 99.99999% they're a mean little bastard.

[HillbillyBob]

7. Aside from the biggest bullies they are also

some of th biggest closet cases and /or pervs.
To this day I will not set foot in any church of any kind.