Crazy Anti-Democat email I got!

[Smirnoff]

My friend forward this to me from her uncle or something and she won't let me give him an earful so I just thought I would share it with you all!

HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites.

Consider the list below to see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. (He had this one highlighted!)

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

[Homer12]

1. We all know that to be a good Republican their is only one rule

1) That you should hate and spite your enemy's and destroy them with self-rightous bile and anger.

By-any-means-nessecary and the ends-always-justify-the-means.

[bkcc]

2. sad.

I would suggest that we come up with one about the repugs, but it would be a short list:

1. You have to be hateful.

2. You have to willfully stay ignorant in the face of facts.

3. You have to bash the Clintons every chance you get.

[Donkeyboy75]

7. Addendum to rule three

You must hate Bill Clinton's penis with every fiber of your being, and realize that everything wrong with this country resides in the 42nd president's pants.

[bkcc]

11. LOL

Clinton's penis is the root of all evil.
It's true.
Honest.
Rush told me so.

:eyes:

[EstimatedProphet]

3. The Republican email was good fun

This one is mean-spirited. For example:

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

Where were the personal attacks in the Republican email? I don't remember any. Funny how they show up here...but not surprising at all.

[xchrom]

4. to be a really GOOD republican

you have to have an iq lower than 30 and believe in the tooth fairy.
to be just an average republican you need only have an iq lower than 40.

[LynneSin]

5. MY RESPONSE

Consider the list below to see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding: You better believe it. If Reagan had taken the AIDS epidemic seriously and spent some money on research in the early years we might have been able to contain it. One only needs to read "And the Band Played On" to understand this concept
   
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.: Maybe if we actually spent some money on education so that teachers could be paid the salaries that they are worth we would have qualified teachers in our schools. Unfortunately too many of the great teachers leave the field because the could be paid twice as much doing something OTHER than teaching. And lets face it, our kids learn sex in the PE locker rooms and rarely their parents.
   
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.: Actually what I believe is the republicans distorting the truth about democrats and guns. I've only found a small percentage of democrats to think that and even I think they're pretty loopy. Law abiding citizens deserve guns - but there is no reason they need assault rifles. Oddly enough 65% of the NRA members polled found no problem with background checks for guns. NRA loves to distort the whole gun message
   
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.: Even I admit some wacky art has been funded by our tax dollars; however like the guns, this is another lie distorted by republicans. You'll find that federal funding of the arts will support many wonderful programs.
   
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. My problem with SUVs have nothing to do with global warming and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that these behemoths are getting like 10mpg and thus keeps our country in need of foreign oil and in bed with the terrorists that sit on the sand that covers this stuff. I wouldn't have a problem with SUVs if the car manufacturers were encouraged to put alternative energy sources in them like fuel cells or hybrid technologies. You think drug users support terrorists? 16 of the 19 terrorists from the 9/11 attacks were from Saudi Arabia and believe me, there are no poppy fields, mountains covered with cacao plants or crank labs in Saudi Arabia. But there sure as hell a giant size puddle of oil
   
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.: Let me guess - another straight person who thinks homosexuality is somehow contagious
   
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.: I know, I'll be anti-choice and then NOT support any and all programs that help that child have health care, a good education, a chance at college, support should he/she have problems and a decent retirement fund. And if the kid messes up we'll just kill em with the death penalty
   
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. Yeah, go ahead and think what you want. I hope you don't mind the fact that your job can probably be shipped overseas where 3 people can be hired to do the same exact job and even work longer hours doing it
   
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.: Democrats are NOT the loony activists from Seattle, heck this democrat loves nothing more than a thick juicy venison steak smothered in garlic. See my comments on the gun laws - distortion at its best from the right.
   
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.: You know, without self-esteem it makes it real tough to get up in the morning and want to do something to earn it. I suppose this is a concept that close-minded repukes will never understand
    
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.: Yeah, our soldiers are just roaming the planet finding 3rd world countries to bully around. Maybe this is a concept unfamiliar with you but the president is also referred to as the "Commander in Chief" which means he/she is kinda thought of as the head person who is in command of the military. Nah, that would require the sacrifice of what few brain cells you have left to even begin to understand that one!!
    
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.: Once again this is propaganda from Charles Heston and his cronies in the NRA to make you think that democrats want to melt every gun out there and build a giant statue with the metal (paid for by the Federal Arts Money). I believe that the goons running the NRA has done a great job of warping your puny repuke brain into thinking that Democrats hate guns.
    
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. Actually ATM fees are too high. And taxes are too high too since I'm not one of the wealth Americans.
    
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.: Actually they are all important, but wasn't Robert E. Lee the leader of the Confederate Soldiers? Are you one of those Southerns that still hasn't gotten over the fact that the south lost and the slaves are free? Figures - now this list makes sense!
    
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.: Standardized tests produce NOTHING. I was a straight A student and I still couldn't take a damn standardized test. And as for racial quotas - the day that we can ensure every child has the opportunity for the best education out there and equal opportunities to attend college, then even I will lead the rally to end racial quotas.
    
16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady: Yeah, I know, women who think are scum and women who are brain dead, car-killing, wal-mart shopping women like Laura Bush define your term of "lady".
    
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.: Personally I'd just be happy for a democracy, but that's going to the wayside
    
18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.: Find me a republican that has told the truth pul-lease! I suppose you're still thinking Ollie North was some kind of hero. I'd rather have a president screw around on his wife and lie about it than screw the entire nation and lie about it. At least with sex no one died!
    
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. (He had this one highlighted!): If I'm correct, Christmas Manger scenes are not permitted on government property. No one is taking your right to put it on your front lawn. Using that concept, who cares what gays & lesbians wear. BTW, bestiality is NOT a homosexual thing - it's a psychological perverted act. Don't be a Santorum and something think the 2 are related.
    
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.: You do know the reason why the republicans never pursued this was because they've received just as much money from those countries. And I mean, I suppose you have a point, I'd rather have someone in the White House who is being supported by Enron, World Com, The Tobacco Industries, Diebold, etc. I mean these companies have nothing to hide........NOT!!!
    

[TXlib]

8. Hee hee...

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. My problem with SUVs have nothing to do with global warming and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that these behemoths are getting like 10mpg and thus keeps our country in need of foreign oil and in bed with the terrorists that sit on the sand that covers this stuff. I wouldn't have a problem with SUVs if the car manufacturers were encouraged to put alternative energy sources in them like fuel cells or hybrid technologies. You think drug users support terrorists? 16 of the 19 terrorists from the 9/11 attacks were from Saudi Arabia and believe me, there are no poppy fields, mountains covered with cacao plants or crank labs in Saudi Arabia. But there sure as hell a giant size puddle of oil

---

Yup, chocolate is a highly addictive drug. For me, at least.

:7

[zbdent]

10. On point number 9 - add to the fishermen who can catch their fish

but are afraid to eat their catch (which is the original AND BIBLICAL! intent of fishing - not catch and release as it is now).

[Smirnoff]

16. This is great!

:)

[Grins]

19. Hee-hee (again)

Good one!!! Thanks. Here’s my $.02....

You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.: Once again this is propaganda from Charles Heston and his cronies in the NRA to make you think that democrats want to melt every gun out there and build a giant statue with the metal (paid for by the Federal Arts Money). I believe that the goons running the NRA has done a great job of warping your puny repuke brain into thinking that Democrats hate guns.

You could add: "Actually the ACLU supports all parts of the Constitution, not just some. And speaking of the NRA supporting rights, if they truly believe in that second amendment so fervently, and think anti-gun laws unconstitutional - why haven't they challenged ONE OF THEM - JUST ONE! - in Court? Make it easy on yourself guys, pick...uhhh...lemmesee...Oh! The Nation's Capital! Can't own one there, and it's right down the street from your headquarters! No need to pay all those damn (possibly ACLU) lawyers travel and per diem! Got any guts? Or do you know the truth: that it's settled law, the right to bear arms is for militia's, and a higher Court saying so would kill you!


You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. Actually ATM fees are too high. And taxes are too high too since I'm not one of the wealth Americans.

Not to add to much to what you've said, but I made A LOT of money awhile ago. I soon learned that I needed tax and financial planning help. I also learned that the more I made, the less taxes I paid! No foolin'! This "taxing the rich" is bunkum. I pay fewer taxes now than I ever did.


You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.: Actually they are all important, but wasn't Robert E. Lee the leader of the Confederate Soldiers? Are you one of those Southerns that still hasn't gotten over the fact that the south lost and the slaves are free? Figures - now this list makes sense!

Robert E. Lee!!! As much as I can admire him for certain traits - You gotta be @#$#$* kiddin' me! Didn't this guy raise and command an army against the United States. What’s the difference between him and a "John Walker Lindh"? Well, just goes to show you. Whadaya expect from a guy that later became the President of a small college? That certainly shows he was truly one of those pointy-headed, academic, closet liberals - one just like Lindh - of whom Ann Coulter said, “When contemplating college liberals, you really regret once again that John Walker is not getting the death penalty. We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed too. Otherwise they will turn out to be outright traitors.” Hey! She said it. Called Robert E. Lee a traitor. Should have been executed. But, no. Some damn liberals wanted to "forgive him", to "love" him. Know the guy? Abe something? Wasn't he a democrat? Next thing ya' know they'll build a damn monument to him.
<http://www.wsws.org/articles/2002/feb2002/coul-f27.shtml>


You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.: Find me a republican that has told the truth pul-lease! I suppose you're still thinking Ollie North was some kind of hero. I'd rather have a president screw around on his wife and lie about it than screw the entire nation and lie about it. At least with sex no one died!

Ohhhhh. Like a slow potato to Barry Bonds!

Hell, no. They don’t belong in the White House. They belong in the House and Senate! That’s where they can truly romp and play. You know, those stalwart “Family Values” types like Newt Gingrigh, Bob Barr, Henry Hyde, Mike Livingston, Dick Armey, Dan Burton, Bill Thomas, Dan Crane, Strom Thurmond, Bob Dole, Tim Hutrchinson, John Warner, Rep. Roy Blunt, David Schippers, Phil Gramm, Florida (State) Rep. John McKay, Dan Quayle, Thomas Evans, Tom Railsback, S. Vance Wilkins, Tennessee State Rep. Keith Westmoreland, Joe Scarborough (R-FL), NC Rep. Sue Myrick, Rep. Ken Calvert (R-CA), Rep. John Peterson (R-PA), Michael Huffington, Rep. Helen Chenoweth, Robert Packwood, Mary Bono, Rep. Charles Canady (R-FL), Parker J. Bena, David Jaye, Robert F. McDonnell, Rep. Steve LaTourette, Stephen P. Linnen, State Rep. Dick Borell, Bill Janklow, Mike O’Neal (R-OK Legislature), Howard L. Brooks, John Hathaway, Jon Hinson (R-Miss), Rep. Donald “Buzz” Lukens, (R-Ohio).

Whew! I’m tired. And that does not include Judges or District Attorney’s – or other non-sexual fun these people have had.

[nickinSTL]

6. How to be a good Republican

1. You have to believe that AIDS is a plague unleashed by GOD to smite homosexuals (despite all those heterosexuals dying in Africa)

2. You have to believe that the education system in this country would be better if only government funds would go to let people send their kids to good, Christian schools

3. You have to believe that anyone who wants to limit your God-given right to own guns (regardless of their value for hunting or home-defense) is a communist

4. You have to believe that art is something that only flourishes if the government doesn't provide financial assistance to artists

5. You have to believe that global warming was invented by liberal scientists trying to limit your right to own a Hummer (oh, and that asthma you got living in the city, all your imagination)

6. You have to believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality, but you don't have to follow all those inconvenient rules also in Leviticus (like stoning your disobedient children)

7. You have to believe that the death penalty is ok, but allowing a woman to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is just wrong. Any unwanted, neglected or abused children who are born as a result, too bad.

8. You have to believe that big business is concerned with your personal welfare and that the free market will protect you from unfair or dangerous business practices.

9. You have to believe that the energy to run your toaster is more important than the survival of an endangered species.

10. You have to believe that if you don't have self-esteem, you deserve to be treated like dirt.

11. You have to believe that it's ok to invade a country to protect American oil interests, and to claim that it's really being done to protect America from Weapons of Mass Destruction.

12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad, because it works to guarantee the separation of church and state, and the NRA is good.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too high, and government should be smaller (except in the case of the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security, which can never be too big)

14. You have to believe that Robert E. Lee is on par with Thomas Jefferson in American history.

15. You have to believe that minorities have the same opportunities as white men in America today.

16. You have to believe that George W. Bush is an 'ordinary guy'.

17. You have to believe that Communist states were socialist, and that socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried.

18. You have to believe that the Bush administration has been absolutely truthful with the American people, and that Clinton having an extramarital affair is equivalent to him being a sex offender.

19. You have to believe that homosexuals are all drag queens and demand to parade around at governmental functions where religious scenes are prohibited. And that homosexuals engage in bestiality.

20. You have to believe that Halliburton receiving no-bid contracts and former executives from Halliburton and Enron being in the administration is in the best interest of the United States.

[ixion]

9. Republicans telling the truth?

That's an oxymoron (or oxymoran :-)) is it not?

The truth? HAH! The neocons mock the truth at every turn.

[skippysmom]

12. I wondered if there was a counterpart

to the How to be a Good Republican email.

Awesome responses, all.

[nickinSTL]

13. How to be a good Republican

I actually just came up with those, went down the How to be a good Democrat, and tried to come up with appropriate responses.

[Grins]

18. Yeah! Here's one...

Sorry I didn't keep the link for the author, but I think I may have clipped from DU! Enjoy.



a. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery

b. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

c. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

d. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

e. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

f. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

g. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

h. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for Governor of California as a Republican.

i. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

j. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

k. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

l. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

m. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

n. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a, "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

o. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

p. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

q. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record (or National Guard records) is none of your damn business.

r. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

s. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what (Poppy) Bush did in the '80s, and son "Dubya" did in the 70's is irrelevant.

t. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist. But trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international
harmony.

[lolly]

14. Republican "Situational Ethics"

This is clearly a very old e-mail, a holdover from Clinton's presidency.

Look at #11:

11. "You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars."

Remember back when the "we have to re-elect the president when we're at war or be called traitors" crowd reacted to Kosovo? Clinton was the "corrupt politician" who started those unnecessary, doomed to failure military operations.

Now that AWOL has started his war--against, apparently, the best advice of real military men--I'm sure they'll want to take that little tidbit out.

[mark11727]

15. Hillary!

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

Ah, but Hillary Clinton is a lady --- but Ann Coulter is no woman.

Just sayin'.

[nickinSTL]

17. Ann Coulter

Now, you're just insulting all those nice transsexual women out there!

[radfringe]

20. Lou Dobbs -- a week or two ago on fed deficits

can't remember who the GOPer mouthpiece was -- but the GOPer spin was that deficits were good for our economy

after I picked my jaw up off the floor and stopped fuming it occured to me that if done correctly through a "quipping-whisper" campaign that this could be used effectively

GOPers often characterize themselves as being fiscally responsible and Dems as being fiscally irresponsible and therefore better at creating deficits than GOPers

if deficits are good - then shouldn't we be electing those who are best at creating them?