Episode 29: Sarah Witnesses

[ThShifties]

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens
Episode 29

Scene: Charles’ Gibson’s interview is finished. But Gibson has one more question for Governor Palin – off the record.

Charles Gibson: I sincerely hope you found that interview to be appropriately respectful, Governor.

Sarah Palin: ‘Course I did, Charlie, you big old puppydog, you.

Gibson: I did have one last question that Steve didn’t want me to ask. It’s purely for my own edification.

Palin: Fire away. The limo won’t be here for another ten minutes.

Gibson: Good. It’s about religion.

Palin: Oh boy. They’ve been pretty firm about that, Charlie. Not talking about it with the media, I mean.

Gibson: This is just you and I.

Palin: You want to know about my personal beliefs, don’t you?

Gibson: I confess I’m curious.

Palin: A lot of people are. Look, you haven’t got that recorder running, do you? Good. Leans forward. Confidentially Now you know that I’m pro-life. And you know that I believe the Bible is the literal Word of Our Holy Father.

Gibson: I do.

Palin: I also believe that at some point during our lifetimes – yours and mine, Charlie – the world is going to come to an end.

Gibson: Really? But – with all due respect – how could you possibly know that?

Palin: It’s been prophesied. And not by some pointy-headed PhD in a Washington think tank. By a man of God. Right here in Alaska. And by other prophets, in places like Africa.

Gibson: Um… so you’re saying the world is going to end. A disturbing thought.

Palin: Not to me, Charlie. Not for those who have been Saved.

Gibson: I guess that doesn’t include me.

Palin: It could. If you were willing to renounce your ego and accept Jesus as your personal savior.

Gibson: I, uh, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’ve never been particularly religious.

Palin: Neither was I, Charlie, before I found my Church. But I am now. And that’s why God has put me in position for the Presidency.

Gibson: You mean the Vice-Presidency.

Palin: I mean what I said. God could take any of us at any time, of course. But some of us He’ll take sooner than others. John will have served God’s purpose, you see. Which is to bring me to where I must be.

Gibson: So you’re saying you believe that God has anointed you to be our President?

Palin: laughs God doesn’t care about a little thing like the Presidency, Charlie. God has anointed me to lead our good American Christian people through the final battle. Into the Rapture.

Gibson: You mean, heaven?

Palin: If that’s what you want to call it, Charlie. Although many on Earth will be Left Behind.

Gibson: But… it sounds like… well, I don’t know how to put this exactly…

Palin: smiling You think I’m crazy, don’t you? Well, I’m not crazy, Charlie. It’s the world that’s crazy. And a better world awaits those of us who are Ready.

You know how Obama always says this is ‘our time’? Well, he’s wrong. It’s God’s time. And it’s coming. Soon.

Gibson: Um… um…

Steve Schmidt enters to room.

Schmidt: Limo’s here, Mrs. P.

Palin: Thank you, Steven. I’ll be right along.

Schmidt exits. Governor Palin gathers up her things. Before she leaves, she turns back to Gibson, who is just sitting there, not saying anything.

Palin: Bye, Charlie. Thank you for playing your part. You did it well. We could meet again someday. Depending on you, of course.

Palin exits. Charles Gibson remains in his seat, unmoving.