(FIRST DRAFT) State of the Union Address

[Daveparts]

(FIRST DRAFT)
State of the Union Address



Find enclosed early draft of code name (Flatulence) state of union address; this is not a final draft and should not be released under any circumstances.

Flatulence enters chamber, receives wild and thunderous applause except from the terrorist supporting Democrats. Shakes hands with what’s her name and the boss code name (Deadeye)

My fellow Americans (pause, smirk here) I can tell you tonight (with a straight face) the state of our nation is great. It is better than it has ever been democracy is on the march our soldiers almost one hundred and fifty thousand strong are imposing democracy at gunpoint on Iraqi terrorists who had been hiding in the general population of Iraq prior to our invasion. We have arrested six hundred of Sayyed Muqtada al-Sadr followers and will continue to arrest his followers until they are no longer the largest party in the Iraqi parliament because democracy is on the march.

At home we lead the world in the export economy, we export almost two billon dollars a month to the Peoples Republic of China. We are making our currency available to all nations we have doubled the number of dollars in circulation in six years. (Thunderous applause) Major currencies around the world can now purchase more dollars less expensively than at almost any time in history but we still have much to do. We lead the world in banking and finance we have undertaken more in the credit markets than the rest of the world combined. (Smirk here) But we still have much to do

But all is not perfect our long struggle with terrorism will continue, I say to the terrorists out there we will not wait for you to act against us. We will identify and prosecute any or all who in our opinion are terrorists. Will not let any of your sympathizers gain ground (democrats hey, hey) and we will not let the innocent go unprosocuted for what better camouflage could a terrorist use than to appear to be innocent. Because you’re either with us or (a democrat) against us but we will not rest we will prosecute you either way.

Above all in America we cherish or freedom the freedom to say what we think (hey,hey)
and to worship as we wish. One of our most sacred rights is the right to choose our own doctors millions of Americans would rather die then to give up this scared right. Every day millions of women and children practice that freedom by not going to doctors. They proudly say “I have no heath Insurance so I won’t go to the doctor” They love and trust our current system and they will die to protect that system. (Thunderous applause)
Americans have the greatest healthcare system in the world our healthcare corporations and insurance providers are some of the most profitable corporations in the world and will do all in their power to remain so while providing excellent healthcare to their customers. Almost every state supported university in America is doing tax-subsidized research to help keep these corporations profitable. All of our Military personel have healthcare benefits and much has been said about those without health insurance, it is no coincidence the rise of terrorism and the rise of the uninsured perhaps the loyal uninsured would join the military it would make it easier to identify the terrorists masquerading as uninsured Americans.

It is also of note that that while many in our country claim we have an unemployment crisis military recruitment centers have the help wanted sign out yet struggle to fill their quotas. Could it be that the unemployed are al Queda sympathizers? We will not forget September the 11th and it should be noted that the terrorists on that day were all unemployed and we will not forget September the 11th . They terrorists may try to hide as the uninsured or unemployed or even as homeless veterans but we will not be fooled like we were on September the 11th.


America must break it’s dependence on foreign oil supplies, we must develop new sources (Hey, Hey) Solar power and alternative energy supplies must be increased (smirk) (yawn) This government is doing all that is possible to guarantee these supplies.
But we must use caution with untried technologies and not let ourselves be taken in by terrorist disguised as new technologies solar power holds great promise but it must be remembered that the sun was shinning on September 11th. (Pause, smirk) If we were to rely on solar power we risk added skin cancers and we risk making the sun a terrorist target endangering every man woman and child on the planet. (Thunderous Applause)

We can take that chance, my fellow Americans I propose tonight the solar defense initiative a program costing over two hundred billion dollars but it will protect the sun from terrorists attack and we must do that we all remember what happened on September 11th. (Pause, Smirk, pause, Smirk)

Flatulence leaves room with thunderous applause, staff to assure him he hit home run.