Jesus Loves A Machine Gun ... Morford on the Left Behind video game

[bobbieinok]

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2006/06/07/notes060706.DTL&type=printable

Jesus Loves A Machine Gun
It's the new "Left Behind" video game, where you maim and murder and hate, all in God's name. Praise!
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, June 7, 2006



Are you a true believer? Do you just know deep down in your black Wal-Mart socks that every word of the Bible is the absolute literal truth and nothing dare be doubted and anyone who thinks that God is merely an ambisexual omniblissful bloom of moist divine nondenominational honeydew melon should be strung up by their small intestine and beaten with sticks sharpened by Mel Gibson's teeth?

Do you feel, furthermore, that human cretins like, say, gays and Jews and Wiccans and all those hippie weirdos with their iPods and low-cut jeans and easy laughter are a plague upon this fine and holy land?


Do you think that contemptible books like "The Da Vinci Code" are not only blasphemy, but that you should probably go out into the street right now and behead a few lambs and perhaps mow down some Taoists with a Gatling gun just to deflect its horrible notions of the sacredness of the feminine divine? You do?

Praise Jesus! Your video game has arrived.

Behold, blessed children, the new and upcoming "Left Behind: Eternal Forces" video game, based on the freakishly best-selling series of apocalyptic trash-lit books. It's an ultraviolent, hilariously inept, wondrously accurate portrayal of what every true right-wing Christian fundamentalist really fantasizes about after they've had one too many pink wine spritzers and have logged a few hours in the gay chat rooms and have sufficiently indoctrinated their happily numb kids with tales of vile homos and scary "progressive" liberals who want to buy them candy and tattoo their sacrums and feed them organic hot dogs.

more....

[Initech]

1. I was laughing my ass off at that first paragraph!

:spray:

[Kutjara]

2. The opportunity to play on the side of the Antichrist...

...and tear up fundies may be far too difficult for me to resist. No doubt the game will be pirated on P2P networks almost as soon as it's released, so there's no worry about putting money into the hands of these nutcases in return for being able to slake my dirty desires.

[claypool4prez]

3. game

is first that christians are allowed to play by church. As long as your stealing cars and shooting up people in god's name then fire away. The bonus level involves an abortion clinic and it gives you control as to how far to take your "faith rage."

[genieroze]

4. Are you F**king kidding me?