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Although they remain staunchly opposed to the so-called "amnesty" provisions in the Senate immigration bill, GOP House Conservatives have signed off on a wide-ranging amnesty plan for their own members.
Under the proposed legislation, Republican Congressmen who have received bribes for five or more years will be entitled to retain their seats if they supplement their government positions with actual productive employment, and learn to speak English instead of "Beltway-ese."
GOP House members who have been taking bribes for only between two and five years would be treated less generously. They would be forced to take a leave of absence from their posts and receive a temporary "lobbying visa," where they would have to pay bribes for a specified period before being reinstated as "Guest Congressmen."
Over time, if they receive recommendations from Tom Delay and Jack Abramoff, they can reapply for permanent House membership.
Finally, for those unfortunate souls who have been taking handouts and free vacations for less than two years, they will be permanently banned from Congress as a disgrace to the House Code of Ethics.
House Speaker Denny Hastert praised this proposal, and also promised further legislation, pursuant to the "speech and debate" clause of the Constitution, that would insulate all acts of bribery from criminal prosecution, as long as they were done in connection with official House business.
In other news relating to Mr. Hastert, the Speaker continued to denounce the reports from ABC News that he is now part of the Jack Abramoff investigation. However, Mr. Hastert was forced to admit, based on his appearance alone, that he is guilty of eating two House pages.
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