BUSH DISPATCHES NATIONAL GUARD TO BORDERS BOOKSTORES

[Don Davis]

In an effort to prevent the gravest threat to the survival of the GOP, President Bush has announced that he will send the entire National Guard to Borders bookstores across the nation.

Addressing the country in a prime-time speech, Mr. Bush explained that the only way for him to even maintain his miniscule approval ratings was to ensure that no additional citizens have access to books or other reading material, and thus develop the type of critical thinking that is fatal to Republican domination.

The President also stated that this extraordinary deployment of the National Guard would have a dual benefit: not only will it prevent additional people from becoming educated, but it would effectively seal off and imprison in the bookstores those unpatriotic intellectuals who were already inside.

Mr. Bush also dismissed the concerns of such international watchdog organizations as Amnesty International and the Red Cross, who maintain that for those imprisoned in the bookstores, serious violations of the Geneva Convention will occur once their supply of coffee and cappucino runs out.

However, the President's latest attempt to mollify his base appears to be unsuccessful, since House GOP leaders are demanding that National Guard units also shut down schools, libraries, and the internet, except for the website of Minutemen.com.

In related news, Mr. Bush also reassured the nation that while he will aggressively enforce laws to limit the influx of Mexican landscapers, he has no intention of disturbing our national policy of incurring more foreign debt, and thus effectively selling our entire land to the Chinese.

[louis-t]

1. Funnnnny!

:rofl: Wait, not funny, NOT FUNNY!

[eppur_se_muova]

2. LOL! Had to K&R before the mods find this and move it.

...uh, it is satire, right? It's so hard to be sure these days.

[ptolle]

17. my first thought, too

And with the NSA out there your online orders might be subject to surveillance as well.Especially since, to the best of my knowledge Borders is a significant Democratic contributor as opposed to Amazon who feeds the elephant.

[wtmusic]

3. Welcome to DU Don Davis

:bounce: :toast: :bounce:

[RandomKoolzip]

4. ONE post and you can start your own thread?!

WHen the hell did THAT start?! I had to get like 25 posts before I could start my own thread (sure it was back in 2003, but...)

[OKNancy]

10. If you donate, you can start threads

[katty]

5. needed a LOL!!

[ohtransplant]

6. Welcome to DU!

Will Barnes & Noble be next??? :evilgrin:

[pinto]

7. LOL. Welcome.

[marmar]

8. In another related development....

the NSA is monitoring the activity of all Borders Rewards cardholders. Purchasers of books by Howard Zinn, Noam Chomsky, Randall Robinson and Karl Marx, along with the Nation, the Progressive and American Prospect, have been detained indefinitely (or at least until Nov. 8).

[NMMNG]

22. I'm probably on their shit list

I have subscriptions to The Nation, The Progressive, Mother Jones and Utne Reader and in the last year have purchased books by Zinn, Marx and dozens of other subversive authors.

[told you]

9. Just toooo ..

.....FUNNY!!!!!:applause:

[OKNancy]

11. Welcome to DU. You need to stay around a LOOOONG

time. We could use some good humor around here.

[Kadie]

13. I second that...

That was great!

Welcome to DU Don!

:hi:

[Demeter]

12. That's NEXT Week's Press Conference, Don

They are going to get you for unauthorized leaking, unless there's something you aren't telling us....

[proud patriot]

14. Welcome Underground

and thanks for making me laugh :hi:

[LuckyLib]

15. LOL! And no Spanish allowed either at Borders. Can't have

any furners plotting and scheming!

[The Doctor.]

16. Welcome to DU.... I have a feeling you're not a stranger to the 'net'

community.

Great to have you here.

The piece was right out of my zaniest nightmares... but that would have been 'cappucino and biscotti'.

[aaronbees]

18. Funny stuff...

and yet scary; it came on a day when I could use some good chuckles. :)

[MaggieSwanson]

19. Welcome, Don Davis!

:hi:

And thanks for the laugh.

[Don Davis]

20. BUSH DISPATCHES NATIONAL GUARD TO BORDERS BOOKSTORES

Thanks to everyone for such a warm and enthusiastic welcome.

[eviltwin2525]

21. real danger

Ironically, the most serious danger illegal immigrants pose is that all 12 million of them (or, better, 20 million, as the minute-men claim) line up peacefully to be deported tomorrow. Have Isackson and his thugs thought for a second how much it would cost to simply transport 20 million people to more than walking distance south of the border? More than the whole budget of Migra. (Oh, I just kill myself....Rethuglicans thinking....hahahaha....it's too funny.)

[johnhannahthree]

23. not enough

Great Post

But I´m guessing there are more BB franchises than individual Guard members not already deployed somewhere.

[Brazenly Liberal]

24. Hey, I like the way you think

:rofl:

Welcome to DU! :toast: