Signs that your youngster might be a conservative

[Skinner]

This week the Toronto Star reported that there appears to be a correlation between an individual's personality as a child and their their political orientation as an adult. It would seem that the whiny youngsters tend to grow up to be conservatives, while confident youngsters grow up to be liberals.

Like many people, we here at Democratic Underground had one reaction: "How can I tell if my own kid is a conservative?"

As we all know, early identification and intervention is the key to setting your child down the "right" political path, and could make the difference between a fulfilling life of tolerance and contentment, or a future filled with things like insider trading and/or physically assaulting those who are different. With this in mind, we are proud to offer this important list of:


SIGNS YOUR YOUNGSTER MIGHT BE A CONSERVATIVE

Stock answer to everything: "Kindergarten -- Love it or leave it!"

Brings to school elaborate lunch packed by nanny which includes sandwich, fruit roll-up, potato chips, candy, soft drink, sugar packets, and a $10 bill to purchase whatever he wants from the school vending machine. Insists it is "unfair" when poor kids get free beef-a-roni from government.

American flag Underoos.

Claims that a classmate "recently sought significant quantities of whoopee cushions, tacks, silly string, and Chinese handcuffs from Spencer Gifts." Uses this claim as a pretext to beat up that classmate. Unable to find whoopee cushions, tacks, silly string, or Chinese handcuffs after the fact.

Says "Highlights" and "Weekly Reader" are part of the liberal media.

Pees in pants whenever he is in the vicinity of Middle Eastern-looking classmate.

Favorite Book: "The O'Reilly Factor -- for Kids!"

Tells other boys that "Girls play with dolls; boys play with trucks." Secretly plays with dolls.

Spells potato with an e.

Blames low grade in finger painting on "racial preferences."

Favorite Animal: Elephant

Shoots close friend in the face with Super Soaker. Graciously accepts apology from close friend, who is "deeply sorry for all the bad stuff that has happened this week."

Obsessed with wee-wee of a certain classmate from Arkansas.

Favorite After-School Special: "The poor boy who got kissed by another boy on the school bus and had no choice but to beat up the boy who kissed him."

Takes lunch money from classmates, gives it to friend named Hal E. Burton.

Declines to participate in fire drill because he is busy reading "My Pet Goat."

"Operation Iraqi Freedom" lunch box.

[MADem]

1. Brilliant!!!!

If you peel off the "Freedom" sticker on the lunch box, it says "Liberation" underneath!!!

[yellowcanine]

6. I tried that and it said "Mission Accomplished!" What does that mean?

[kcass1954]

20. Keep peeling - there's a WMD sticker under that.

Thanks Skinner - you're on fire this week, and I'm enjoying it immensely!

[louis-t]

2. Funny stuff!

[corkhead]

3. I'm seeing a lot more of your own material lately,

must be the servers etc, are all behaving themselves. Keep it up. I like your stuff.

[Skinner]

5. Glad you like it.

Yes, I've been trying to write a lot more. Check out my journal for regular updates:

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Skinner

[Caoimhe]

4. It holds true..

at least in my family. My oldest brother was pretty confident and outgoing, always had friends. He is a moderate liberal with libertarian tendencies. He hangs out at fark.com if that gives you any idea. My second oldest brother was a whiny, bullying child who didn't have many friends, didn't get along with others in school and always thought the teachers were picking on him. Now, he is a Christian conservative Republican. Me, I was shy in my youngest years but bloomed in middle school and high school and had friends and boyfriends, I took speech and drama, I participated in school activities and I am now a true blue liberal.

Part of the reason I think my Republican brother is the way he is (this is my conjecture) is that my mom tried to shelter him from things. Poor kid, he's just misunderstood. Don't pick on him he can't take it. He will grow out of his temper (he didn't) etc. Now he goes through about 3 different jobs a year (gets fired from each) and is in an unhappy, stormy marriage. It's always someone else's fault that he has it hard. He is horribly jealous of me and my oldest brother, saying we lucked out finding good spouses and good jobs (um.. no we went to college and know how to get along with people). He thinks we are snobs. Maybe in a way we are, because we both choose not to be around the horrible fights he and his insane religious wife have. It's just too toxic.

Sorry, didn't realize this would turn into a confession, but I do think the results of this study are spot on. And I think a lot of it has to do with how the parents treat the whiny or confident kids too.

[TripeOmatic]

42. Oldest or 'only' children

I wonder if there's been a study done on what overall percentage of 'only' children fall into the 'conservative' and 'liberal' (gasp, can I say that word in public?) camps respectively? That may just be a polling result somewhere. I mean, it strikes me that only children generally have no 'peers' to team up with against outside 'actors' (including parents) and thus are forced into self-reliance earlier and more thoroughly than if they have siblings. The connection here being the self-reliance->confidence->responsibility (for one's own situation, for example) continuum.

[democrank]

7. Your kid might be a conservative if

he stole his (much smaller) neighbor`s pack of Chickenhawk Trading Cards during church service so he could later call the government`s TIPS line and turn them over to Homeland Security officials.

Your kid might be a conservative if he bullies his kindergarten classmate for having a Rainbow Reader book then reports to his teacher that someone from the Rainbow Coalition has a terrorist child in their school.

[democrank]

8. Skinner......

I`m really enoying your writings. It`s almost like having a DU equivalent of the Daily Show. Keep it up.

[obreaslan]

9. "Girls play with dolls; boys play with trucks." Secretly plays with dolls.

AWESOME!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Roxy66]

36. My favorite....hillarious!

[PegDAC]

38. I

LOVE your pictures of Phil!!
:yourock:

[Pirate Smile]

10. My 7 year-old son was whining at me yesterday and I almost said

stop it or you will grow up to be a Republican.

I didn't think that comment would really work since he wouldn't get it so I told him if he asked again he was wouldn't get to watch any TV for the rest of the night. He shut up immediately. He loves Spongebob - what does that mean? ;-)

[dfrailey]

22. That he's going to be a Log Cabin Republican?

Ooh, ick! I just grossed myself out!

[LisaLynne]

11. Skinner, you have been on a roll lately!

It feels good to laugh again. :)

[femrap]

12. Thanks for the laugh....

I enjoyed that immensely.

When I am around bratty kids in public, I always say to a friend, 'Yep, there goes a future parolee.' Now I can add 'republican parolee.'

[AnneD]

27. REPUBLICANS aren't paroled,

their pardoned (to twist an 80's Christian bumper sticker).

Skinner, you didn't mention the favorite crayon colour-red. On Vatentines Day they stuff their boxes with their own cards-then brag about how many they got-like it's an election or something. They also do poorly in math esp basic addition and subtraction. They also do poorly in science and prefer to believe in magical thinking. They do not do their own work when assigned to be door holder or helper-prefering to give a few pennies to someone else to do it for them (same with homework, etc). Feel free to add these to your list.

[TalkingDog]

13. How to tell... They are whining, frightened, tattle-tales

Yes, I'm posting this everywhere...but it's just so relevant....

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&call_pageid=971358637177&c=Article&cid=1142722231554


snip:
Remember the whiny, insecure kid in nursery school, the one who always thought everyone was out to get him, and was always running to the teacher with complaints? Chances are he grew up to be a conservative.

snip:
The confident, resilient, self-reliant kids mostly grew up to be liberals.

[King Coal]

14. God, can you imagine what is was like for Rush's schoolmates?

Whiny-City Bingo!

[mark11727]

15. Dammit, Skinner ---- now I've got "the giggles" at work...!

(snerk!)

[MrPrax]

16. Bravo...!!

Very funny...and definitely funnier than any thing I saw last night on either JSS or Colbert Report last night.

Maybe this might inspire a joke spree; "You know you have a conservative kid...?" becomes more famous than Jeff Foxworthy's schtick.

[swag]

17. Oh, the corn. How it aches!

[4_TN_TITANS]

18. Bwhahahahahahah - Great Stuff....

Keep it up Skinner!

How 'bout this?

"As we all know, early diagnosis and treatment of this mental disorder is the key to setting your child down the "right" political path

[Seedersandleechers]

19. After reading this post I broke down a cried...

My only son who I use to call "my little man" is a conservative. At two and a half years old his intelligence was scary. To fit in at school he helped his classmates with their work, and his teachers with their work-he was well liked. At times, after school, he would stop by my place of work to fix computer problems. As I worked as a health professional in a local clinic that offered abortion services he saw my struggles with the anti-choice nuts that were always outside. When he debated at school the merits of pro-choice I was so proud and thought he was well on his way to becoming a socially conscience adult. But then, after school he would listen to Rush on the radio. I just assumed he was amused at the rhetoric as I sometimes was. Then, he would only watch fox news. I should have seen it coming but I thought no way. After getting a physics engineering degree at a local liberal university he actually told me he couldn't rule out intelligent design. What the fuck was he taught! When he told me he was voting for Bush I broke down and cried, thinking where did I go wrong as a parent. Why didn't I see it coming. He's going to New York City in august to get a law degree at a prestigious law school and all I have is hope that getting out of Kansas will help him see the light.

[Jack Frost]

32. re: After reading this post I broke down a cried...

Interesting.

Did you ever see that Woody Allen film "Everybody Says I Love You"?
In it, his son has suddenly become very conservative, despite both his parents being liberal, and Allen agonizes over how this kid could possibly have come from his loins, and from where he was getting his radical ideas.

Later in the film, they found out his sudden change in character was due to a brain tumor. After it was removed he returned to his old self.

Not to upset you or anything, but have you considered getting his head examined?

Please forgive me if you're offended by this post...

:patriot: O8) :shrug:

[Seedersandleechers]

47. I'm not offended but he's just so well adjusted, thoughtful, kind etc.

Really hoping NYC will change his views...Thanks for your reply.

[ThatsMyBarack]

21. I was a whiny, insecure kid in school....

....but I turned out just fine and true blue! ;)

[dfrailey]

23. The exception that proves the rule

Not all of us come out of the mold the same. I was not exactly "whiny" as a kid but I did have an eye out for unfair treatment or preferential treatment as we would call it today. The reason was that I actually was (not just imagining it) treated unfairly in school. We have to take the background of each individual into consideration though broad trends can sometimes be truisms.

[PegDAC]

39. You probably

were on the lookout for unfair treatment for others, not just yourself.

[IronLionZion]

28. I'm still whiny and insecure

and I think many liberals are too! :patriot:

I question everything...and the shocking answers make me insecure! :P

I'd be much "happier" if I was ignorant of the corporate takeover of our democracy.

[Vektor]

24. Hahaha! Funny, but sadly, pretty dead on in a lot of ways.

I think we all knew a kid or two like that growing up. Those kids are in jail now.

[Joe Chi Minh]

25. Funny, I wasn't a whiny kid...

but I whine all the time to God through his psalms! Justice (for the destroyers and mercy for the rest of us) jist cain't come quickly gnuff. But I'm not joking in that.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

26. This rings true for my Repub twin brother and me.....

He didn't really whine but he was babied by my mother, was a strict conformist, rather insecure, dependent and was always worried about what people thought about him. He frequently got beat up.

I was pretty much the opposite.

[geiger]

29. excellent ,and may I dare say, inspired

[blondeatlast]

30. Get a job, Skinner...

writing for The Daily Show!

Or create a political satire site--we know you've got it in you after all the nifty DU upgrades.

:bounce::rofl::bounce:

[JAbuchan08]

31. I can't believe that you made Slate magazine

[Skinner]

34. ?

I made Slate magazine?

[Skinner]

35. Cool. I made Slate Magazine!

"Skinner at Democratic Underground offers 16 signs to help parents determine if their child is a conservative."

http://www.slate.com/id/2138463

[PegDAC]

40. Hey, Skinner!

:headbang: :yourock:
Totally!!
:loveya:

[Kali]

41. congrats!

:woohoo: :applause:

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. Cool!

:thumbsup:

[Midlodemocrat]

45. How cool is that?

:woohoo:

[redqueen]

46. Heh... well done.

:)

[AirmensMom]

57. Wow!

Congratulations! :yourock:

[pacalo]

33. This is excellent!

[PegDAC]

37. OMG!!

That is just freaking priceless!!
:toast: :7 :thumbsup: :hi: :headbang: :applause: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Name removed]

44. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[shaniqua6392]

48. My 12 year old daughter goes to a private christian school

which is full of conservatives. When the 2004 Presidential election came around they held a mock election. Just one catch though....it was not a secret ballot! The children had to walk up to the teacher (who was also the principal) one by one and announce in front of everyone who they were voting for. It was my daughter's turn about 2/3 of the way through the voting process and all of the other children voted for Bush, of course. My child walked right up to the front and announced loudly, "I am casting my vote for John Kerry!!" Too funny. When she got into the car after school that day she was positively invigorated and giddy with power and pride. That took a lot for her to do. She was the only one out of all 22 children who did that. She is already quite political and liberal and we are so proud of her. She and I attended our first anti war protest last year and she asks me when we will go again. She expresses concerns over the Christian "right" and how they treat other people in the name of God. I have no concerns that either of my daughter's will become one of those idiots.

[GabrielSyme]

50. That study resolves at least one long-standing mystery

Great article about how the whiny and spoiled become conservatives while the independent and self-sufficient become liberals. That explains why Hollywood is liberal and the US military is conservative.

[shaniqua6392]

51. Hmmm....That is very odd......

I have never been to Hollywood and I was in the military. Oh well. I guess that blows your theory right out of the water. There are plenty of Democrats in our military. Besides, what exactly is a conservative? Bush? The Republican Party? Don't make me laugh. Your conservatism has indebted each man, woman, and child in America to the amount of approximately $30,000.00! Wow! The debt ceiling was just raised to nine trillion. Thank you so much for your opinion regarding Hollywood and the military. I needed a good laugh. Have a wonderful evening and God bless you!! Thank you for visiting the best place in the world to find intelligent and thoughtful political exchanges: Democratic Underground. Come often and you may learn to love America as much as we do!

[GabrielSyme]

53. Not my theory

The theory was put forth by a UC Berkeley professor, not me.
I've been to Hollywood; had a great time every time. Some great clubs there.
Got the chance because I went through infantry school at San Onofre.
I've been a registered Democrat since I was 18.
There used to be a lot more Democrats in the military; back when I joined I'd have said it was majority Democrat. Still a fair number of us, though. Hell, even Hollywood has Schwarzenegger, Willis, and Tom Selleck.
Thanks for realizing the military is conservative and Hollywood is liberal. Feel free to tell me which one you think is the most "whiny, insecure, complaining, and spoiled."

[BlueStorm]

49. Funny...

really Skinner, you have been writing some funny stuff lately...more so than I can say that I have.

How about this one...

"Tells his classmates that they should not color with green crayons and then does it himself."

The best I could I think of.

Blue

[underpants]

52. DAMN! Look at the Mods with the funny

First EarlG now you....okay knock it off that is enough.

[mitchum]

54. Now I know who writes the "Hate Mailbag" replies...

and the "Top Ten Conservative Idiots" entries :)

This is really good. And you are a very funny man, Skinner.

[Skinner]

55. Actually, EarlG usually writes those.

But thanks for the compliment.

[jrw14125]

56. well done

[AirmensMom]

58. Good one, Skinner!

:rofl:

[Minnesota Libra]

59. Glad to see you posting - always interesting - thanks nt