Study: Grief Fades Within 6 Months for Many Widows

[liberalpragmatist]

For nearly half of older people, loss of spouse triggers only fleeting sorrow

Updated: 7:02 p.m. ET March 14, 2006

WASHINGTON - The sad image of a grieving widow may not be entirely accurate, according to a study published on Tuesday showing that six months after the death of their partner, nearly half of older people had few symptoms of grief.

And 10 percent cheered up, according to the survey conducted by the University of Michigan and paid for by the National Institute on Aging.

The study, which followed 1,500 couples over the age of 65 for years, looked at the quality of their marriages, their attitudes toward one another, and the effects on one spouse after the other died.

Close to half -- 46 percent -- said they had enjoyed their marriages but were able to cope with the loss of a spouse without much grieving.

"Until recently, mental health experts assumed that persons with minimal symptoms of grief were either in denial, emotionally distant or lacked a close attachment to their spouse," Rutgers University sociologist Deborah Carr, who began analyzing the data while she was at the University of Michigan.

"But 46 percent of the widows and widowers in this study reported that they had satisfying marriages. They believed that life is fair and they accepted that death is a part of life," Carr said in a statement.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11827977/

[OKNancy]

1. Interesting feature article

:thumbsup:

[Ilsa]

2. Interesting article, especially if you keep in mind that this is

mostly regarding the elderly.

My aging widowed father had talked of marrying a friend of his who was a little younger. I prepared him him for rejection, explaining that she may not be interested in reworking her life to possibly include a spouse that she would have to nurse to his deathbed. He told me the following month I had been correct in my assessment, and that she added that she was enjoying being single again and in control of her time.

[Warpy]

3. That echoes what I've seen

Widows often blossom after the husband has died, developing hobbies long ignored in favor of caring for house and husband, learning independence and loving a life without schedules and expectations. Few are interested in taking on widowers in another marriage, especially if they've spent any time in the caretaker role.

Widowers always seem a bit lost, on the other hand, and end up living the bachelor life of not quite being able to care for themselves without the assistance of family members or hired help.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

8. I've observed that widowers are prone to rebound relationships

A couple of months after their wife's death, they're in some hot and heavy romance, which quickly fades, when they realize that they went after that particular woman just because she was THERE, not because she was especially compatible. This may be especially true of men who let their wives do all the emotional heavy lifting in the family.

I've never seen a widow go into a rebound relationship, although I'm sure it happens.

[abluelady]

4. I wonder exactly how old the spouse still alive is

in the majority of these cases. It is very hard to be 85+ and find yourself alone. Many elderly are very limited in their activities. Many have very few friends left. I am not convinced that the study looked at the entire picture.

I would bet though that woman under the age of 50 do recover quickly. Just my opinion.

[hlthe2b]

5. This seems fraught with assumptions....

I do think coping is distinctly different than "faded grief."

I also think elderly men do embrace the idea of new relationships far more often (and sooner) than women. Part of that is probably generational and may reflect some dependency, given traditional gender roles for the WWII and perhaps, oldest of the Boomer generation.


I do find these assumptions and the conclusions the authors derive very misleading.

[lumpy]

6. One thing to consider.

Many of us who are elderly have learned to accept death as a part of life. We have experienced the loss of parents, siblings, perhaps our own children and certainly, friends.

[hlthe2b]

7. Yes.. I take your point...

But do you really equate "accepting" with less grief? After nearly two decades since losing my parents, I can still say there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of them with a sense of loss, even as I go on with my life. I guess it is all in how one defines grief...:shrug:

[lumpy]

9. There is definately a sense of loss.

There is so much I'd like to share with those who are no longer with us. Hardly a day goes by that something triggers memory of loved ones. I dream of my parents and siblings quite often: really feel that it is some sort of keeping in touch and it is a good feeling. The physical distance that death brings does not destroy thought.

[Rich Hunt]

10. yeesh

What a cold-blooded propaganda article : "get over being lonely already, ye widows...."

Being older doesn't mean you should miss someone any less.

My grandfather died at 67, the other one at 73. That was too young. I don't think anyone has grounds for coldly telling a family what is 'appropriate'. I still miss them.