Buffalo newspaper says Repubs sueing Satan

[OffWithTheirHeads]

You read it first here folks.
http://www.buffalobeast.com/85/index.htm

[beam me up scottie]

1. BWAHAHAHAHA !

Priceless!

[awoke_in_2003]

7. Must read...

the "Ask a Janjaweed Militiaman" column.

[beam me up scottie]

8. "Genocidal Social Advice"

Ask A Janjaweed Militiaman

Dear Janjaweed Militiaman,
Two months ago I lent my next door neighbor a pair of hedge trimmers and a step ladder. Now he brushes me off and refuses to give them back. When I ask him he says he will give them back after he trims his hedges. I have been asking him for a month now! His shrubs are an embarrassment to the neighborhood and his disrespect for my property is downright rude. I don’t want to involve the authorities, but I really want my things back. What should I do?
-Taken advantage of in Toronto

Dear Taken,
I will be the first to admit that getting along with our neighbors is risky business, whether it is shoddy landscaping that will lower property values, they have borrowed something of yours, or you have been commissioned by your federal government to annihilate the indigenous population. I agree the authorities need not get involved, but you must take action if you want your things back! First, armed with machete, mount your fastest camel, run your inconsiderate neighbor down and fell him with one downward slash to the throat/chest area. Second, murder all of his children and rape his wife in order to spread your seed and demoralize her relatives, thus gaining complete ethnic domination of your neighborhood. On the other hand, the threat of a small claims court action might be enough to make your neighbor act. Whichever should work.

:rofl:

[kurth]

2. Let 'em go to hell and serve the papers

[kikiek]

3. I like the Hummer ad.

[beam me up scottie]

5. I missed that!

Oh man, am I ever bookmarking this site.

[Canuckistanian]

4. LOL, Harriet Miers, "Mascara Industry Insider Nominated for High Court"

hahahaha
:rofl:

[beam me up scottie]

6. Another ad:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

9. Did you see their suggeted uses

for a competing newspaper?
http://www.buffalobeast.com/85/current.htm

[muriel_volestrangler]

10. Bush Declares "War on Hurricanes"

General Tommy Franks elaborated on the President’s plans by laying out a clear strategy for dealing with the threat. “The President came up with the idea of firing US soldiers into the storm clouds via an enormous catapult, apparently inspired by a scene from Robin Hood with Kevin Costner. The soldiers will fly into the clouds with various weapons, such as knives and firearms, which will be used to slash the clouds or wound them with small arms fire.” A defiant George Bush stepped back onto the podium and said “Hurricanes? Bring ‘em on.”

Some critics find fault with the Bush administration’s plans. Anne Rusinek is mother to US infantryman Chris Rusinek, one of the first to be selected in the assault on the hurricanes. “I just don’t see how firing my son 40,000 feet into the sub stratosphere with a knife is going to abate these terrible storms. It makes me sad that my son may not come home, but I have to have faith in my president. They’re trying to do the right thing.” More outspoken critics, such as Prof. Jeff Wimbledon of the National Weather Research Institute had harsher words. “This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Even the most uneducated person is aware that clouds are not living things, and launching human beings into them with small arms will have absolutely no effect. It’s ludicrous.” The interview was cut short when two large men in suits came into the room, subdued Wimbledon and summarily carried him away in a large canvas bag.

http://www.buffalobeast.com/85/hurricanes.htm

[OffWithTheirHeads]

11. Hmmm, they get mail too

http://buffalobeast.com/86/sic86.htm

[Fozzledick]

12. The fine print in b*sh's contract

When he sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for his promise to "make you president", he never said anything about being ELECTED, and so he never was!:evilfrown: