The War is Lost - feedback on essay sought

[theliberalavenger]

I wrote this "from the bottom of the heart" take on the piss-poor state of affairs in Iraq. I am looking for honest feedback:

http://liberalavenger.com/2005/04/war-we-cant-win.html

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[theliberalavenger]

4. hehe - Fair enough!

[MissWaverly]

2. I liked it, It's better than I could have written

Okay, so it's a recap but it has more content than 5 hours of CNN, I think MOST people have not the slightest clue about the war, it's not
on television. I don't think 1 article is capable of presenting a 360 degree review of the Iraqi situation. I think that presenting just 1 death makes it more real.

[theliberalavenger]

10. Thank you - I am a similar opinion

I think the most important thing that F911 did was show Iraqi civilians suffering. We need to understand the toll that the war is taking.

[stopbush]

3. Sorry, but I refuse to read articles set in reverse type (white against

black). It's way too tiring on the eyes. Headlines are one thing. Serious reading? No thanks.

[theliberalavenger]

5. Thanks for that feedback - I need to change that

[EFerrari]

6. hey, editor checking in. email it to me and I'll be happy to run

eyes over. these poor eyes can't do it as posted to the page. B.

[theliberalavenger]

7. Thank you, I will do so...

(I've also really got to do something about that design, I think, too...)

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[theliberalavenger]

9. No - I appreciate the honest feedback...

This was something different from what I usually write. It felt good to be able to do it but it was hard to know whether or not it was meaningful to anyone but me.

I'll stick with the snark from now on! hehe

Thanks again.

[theliberalavenger]

11. Why delete the criticism? I asked for it!

[theliberalavenger]

12. Steve Gilliard on the same topic: [link]

http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2005/04/looking-at-iraq.html

[theliberalavenger]

13. Stirling Newberry on the same [link]

http://www.bopnews.com/archives/003257.html

[Igel]

14. Here's a little criticism.

I'm not sure how helpful it'll be, but here goes.

Some statements are distractors. For example, we "lost" Vietnam after a peace treaty was signed and US troops stood down; it was a funny loss. The bodies drawn from the Tigris may have any number of sources, and may well not be from a single event; the way most people will read it has to do with the hostage-taking at Madain, hardly a sure event. Neither are crucial, as phrased, to your point.

A more important point is that there's a call for change. That could be adding 100k troops to the occupation as easily as withdrawal of 100k troops. The claim is that the war is lost, but a call for 'change' should be more specific for any reader that doesn't already whole-heartedly agree with what you obviously must mean--unless your target audience is limited to the choir. If that's not your intended audience, I'm at a loss as to who your intended audience is.

Possibly the point that will alienate your non-choir-based readers the most, and for which there is no solution, is the overall tone of despair. We're fighting monsters. They kill wantonly. They're bad and evil. We're responsible; there's nothing to be done, it's hopeless. We must therefore leave the civilian population to them, and mourn as they impose a brutal dictatorship. ("It'll serve us right" is what I keep trying to infer, but I'm sure that's not what you implied.)

[theliberalavenger]

15. Best criticism to date

Thank you. This is very helpful.

I have been contacted by a soldier in Iraq who runs a blog - http://dadmanly.blogspot.com/2005/04/false-picture-of-defeat.html#comments - and he has had some helpful feedback as well. A key factor that I overlooked is the trend of Iraqi civilians turning against the insurgency. I believe this and I think it is important.

He also took issue with my assertion that there is an effectively limitless supply of weapons and munitions available for the insurgency. I am looking for more information on this particular point.

[theliberalavenger]

16. More from Dadmanly [link]

http://dadmanly.blogspot.com/2005/04/liberal-avenger-responds.html