Chris Floyd (Moscow Times): Tomorrow's News Stories Today (Bush & Science)

[Dudley_DUright]

One thing we can all admire about U.S. President George W. Bush is his consistency. From the day he hornswoggled his way into office, Bush has relentlessly -- if not robotically -- followed a preset hard-right agenda of crankery and cruelty, empowering ignorance, greed, aggression, deceit, corruption and malice with every appointment and policy decision. In fact, his dogged adherence to this wicked creed is so predictable that you can practically write tomorrow's news stories today. So why wait? Let's bend an ear to some echoes from the future:

WASHINGTON, April 15, 2006 -- President George W. Bush signed legislation today banning all federal funding for flu research, citing the "rampant use of unsound science" in current work on infectious diseases.

"Our investigations have shown that present research methods dealing with the causes and treatment of influenza are actually based on the theory of evolution -- how the virus supposedly mutates and evolves into new, more virulent forms," Bush said. "But as we all know, the jury is still out on this evolution thing. We cannot, we must not and we will not trust the precious health of our good citizens to an unproven theory. The American people deserve better than that."

The ban is immediate, wiping out approximately $3 billion in flu funding to clinics, laboratories, universities and all federal research institutions. Bush said this "swift, pre-emptive action" is necessary to confront the growing menace of the bird flu epidemic that began its inexorable spread from Southeast Asia in late 2005 and has now claimed more than 5 million lives. The worldwide death toll could reach as high as 100 million or more if a vaccine is not found, experts say.

Bush said the $3 billion will now be given to a consortium of faith-based groups, coordinated by the Center for Human Intelligence and Moral Purpose (CHIMP), an anti-evolution think tank based in Seattle. CHIMP is a leading proponent of "Intelligent Design" -- the idea that only the guiding, purposeful hand of a divine power could account for the creation and complexity of the universe. Since 2004, advocates of ID have been successful in getting several U.S. school systems to teach the doctrine in science classes alongside the theory of evolution.

more...

http://www.moscowtimes.ru/stories/2005/04/15/120.html

[rodeodance]

1. bush now has the power to cancel elections-look at Dems comments!!

.....An obscure provision on page 417 of the act also lists "elections" as "a potential threat to civic order and national stability in wartime." The measure allows the president to cancel any election and "appoint officials of his own choosing to all legislative, judicial and administrative bodies." Congressional Democrats said they hadn't noticed the provision when they voted for the act, but they withdrew their objections after Bush promised to use the new power sparingly, "only when somebody gets way out of line."

[rodeodance]

2. oops

[rodeodance]

4. good spoof on me

[Technowitch]

5. Relax rodeodance. The entire article is satirical in nature

:)

[Technowitch]

3. It bears mentioning that this article is SATIRE

Don't get all worked up about it, 'kay? The guy is joking. There is no 'anti-evolution think tank in Seattle' named CHIMP. That's part of the gag.

Just sayin'.

[rodeodance]

6. oh crap-a little bird was telling me this must be crap and i got taken

good one on me--te he. well.. thanks all.

[Dudley_DUright]

7. Satire, but oh so believable

;-)

[freethought]

8. Whew! A satire.

Holy S___! I damn near thought this was real!

[Technowitch]

9. So did I, for a minute...

...so I thought it best to explicitly mention it in the thread. It's a funny piece though, I gotta give it that much.

Cheers!

[kliljedahl]

10. Nice piece

Worthy of The Onion
Just copied it & printing as I type.


http://www.kliljedahl.net