ID checks to toughen for Americans re-entering country

[rainbow4321]

http://www.mysanantonio.com/sharedcontent/APStories/stories/D889OO4G1.html


In three years, U.S. citizens and Canadians will have to show passports or a federally issued ID cards linked to Homeland Security databases to re-enter the country from across the border.

It also requires that the Department of Homeland Security have by then a registered traveler program for border travelers like those now being tested at five airport sites. The programs allow frequent travelers to avoid extra security inspections by volunteering for background checks.

He said the agency's concept is to develop a type of travel card for frequent border crossers. The card would be designed so when swiped it would provide information about the traveler to the homeland security border protection and immigration agencies and State Department workers in real time

He said the travel card used to cross the border could be integrated with other registered travel programs and also designed with radio frequency identification technology, now being tested at five land border sites as a way to track when users leave the country

[peacebird]

1. aren't you glad we have good republicans working to make govt smaller

and less intrusive in peoples lives?

(sarcasm off)

[Ganja Ninja]

2. Pretty soon we won't be able to leave and ...

come back to our own country unless we're on a Republican donors list or have a Republican Party ID.

[BiggJawn]

4. If it gets to that point....

It ain't the "coming back" I'm worried about, but the "leaving"...

Remember how hard it was for Doremus Jessup to leave the country? Mickey Mouses EVERYWHERE, even in the woods....

Sure, "It Can't Happen HERE!"

[Protagoras]

10. glad to see Sinclair Lewis's best book

hasn't been entirely forgotten.

[NYC]

16. Forgotten? I think it's being acted out right now.

Frightening.

[Stinky The Clown]

8. That's fine with. Europe's a rational and sane society.

[Ms. Clio]

3. Well, lookie there, RFID tags on ID cards

"He said the travel card used to cross the border could be integrated with other registered travel programs and also designed with radio frequency identification technology, now being tested at five land border sites as a way to track when users leave the country."

And I just argued with a person living in denial about this very thing a couple of days ago.

[rainbow4321]

15. Next up will be those zapping fences...

The kind that shock dogs that try to stray outside the owner's yard...the RFID will look for "Democrat" on our ID background info and then---ZZZAAAPPPP---fatally "Taser"ize us.

[uppityperson]

5. Operation Patriotic Tattoo, link too

http://whitehouse.org/homeland/tattoo.asp

ABOUT OPERATION MANDATORY PATRIOTIC TATTOO: As part of the Office of Homeland Security's broad, discretionary power to enact any and all initiatives which may or may not prove effective in America's ongoing fight against terrorism, Governor Tom Ridge has unilaterally passed into law legislation requiring American citizens to obtain an exciting new breed of tattoo. Modeled on the ubiquitous Universal Product Code (UPC), the Subcutaneous Patriotic Intelligence Tattoo System (SPITS) acts as both a unique identifier and a satellite-trackable global positioning device, enabling the wearer to rest easy in the knowledge that s/he is quantifiable, qualifiable and locatable by the federal government at all times.

Every American will have their choice of any of the three exciting SPITS executions pictured at left, applied under sterile conditions by Federally appointed tattoo technicians - beginning in early February, 2003.

All citizens will be afforded ample opportunity to affirm their patriotism by proudly submitting to this brief and only mildly excrutiating procedure. Any and all able-bodied persons who miss the mandatory tatooing deadline of July 4, 2003 will be subject to fines up to $75,000 and/or terms of medium security imprisonment no shorter than 2 calendar years. The Office of Homeland Security strongly urges any individuals who oppose this right-minded defense program to overcome said opposition, thereby assuring uneventful compliance and significantly reduced post-procedural trauma.

[Ruby Romaine]

6. lol!

love those chickenhead production parodies!
http://www.chickenhead.com/

[Merope215]

7. Haha, I love whitehouse.org

one of the best parody sites out there.

[KissMeKate]

11. love their "how to be cigarrette safe kid" page, lol

a spoof of the NRAs gun safety for kids program, a spoof of the marketing to kids, and a spoof of the right wing relationship to tobacco rolled into one fun page :)

[Gabi Hayes]

14. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

By Mrs. George W. Bush
"Take it from me, girls – there's no good reason to rush into S-E-X. That's why I hope these scientific facts help you choose abstinence, so you need never know the heartbreak of being trapped in a loveless marriage just because you drank too many margaritas one night and gave up your honey pot to a pushy young cokehead from a so-called 'good family.'"

1) Unlike your girly privates, which are internal, boy privates are external. God knew that nobody wanted to see all our lady mess, so He pushed everything up inside you. What in tarnation He was thinking when he came up with that nasty, dangling, squishy flesh on boys beats the heck out of me, but I suspect it was so it would be easier for Him to keep an eye on what they're up to. Because trust me: that grotesque grab bag of horror and disappointment is always up to something, gals.

2) Boy privates are often said to resemble hot dogs, although if you ask me, the ones I've seen always called to mind something like those cute little Austrian cocktail weenies they sell 8 to a can. But I think famed author Lynne Cheney described the male unmentionable best when she recalled recoiling at "an old Frankenstein's monster bratwurst that looked like it had rolled under the couch for a month and got covered in dust bunnies and would make you spit up if you even so much as halfheartedly nibbled the tip of it."

etc.
http://www.ironhymen.com/boysprivates.asp

[BiggJawn]

12. gee, the tattoo needs to be on the forearm...

Like these...

[lebkuchen]

9. I only plan to return if there is a medical emergency

So I'm not concerned.

[MissB]

13. Does this mean that Canada would have to keep me if I don't

produce my proper American ID?