A Smack-down to Unsolicited and Ignorant Email [View All]

[al bupp]

Greetings Fellow DUers,

Yesterday I received one of those idiotic emails that flies around the net during this, the Silly Season, purporting to be humor, but actually full of racism, homophobia and snide stupidity. I could barely read the entire thing. Usually I would swiftly consign it to the virtual trash can, however, for some reason, this time I felt compelled to respond. For those interested, I thought I'd share w/ the class.

Subject: Re: Twenty Reasons Why I Will Vote Democrat

Bob,

Your email is idiotic, and about what I would expect of someone who apparently thinks that the Republicans have done a good job of governing for the last eight years. Next time you decide to send out a slew of an unsolicited opinions, you might want to proof-read them first. I have taken the time, though I'm not entirely sure why, to respond to your message, point by point, below.

At 11:58 AM 10/21/2008, you wrote:
I’ve been reading some friends’ emails and they have now convinced me that free enterprise and personal rights are really politically incorrect and should be abolished; therefore ----

I will vote Democrat because I believe that completely open borders and excessive government giveaways to foreigners is a great way to grow a nation.

Let's see unless you have entirely Native American heritage, then guess what, you too are here because of open borders. We are a nation of foreigners. What you're saying is that anyone who didn't have the good sense to immigrate when your ancestors did will make the country worse. I take the opposite position: anyone who takes the trouble to uproot themselves from their native land and culture must be very motivated, and likely to make a positive addition to our country, just as our ancestors did.

I will vote Democrat because I realize I'm not responsible enough to own a gun, and I’m convinced that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves even though they take hours to respond to emergency calls.

This is simply fear-mongering. No democratic candidate has proposed to make illegal all gun ownership. Have they proposed to control semi-automatic weapons and special ammunition, longer wait-times for purchases, and regulate gun shows, yes. That's called common sense. If it takes hours for an emergency response call it's probably because local government has had to cut-back due to numerous unfunded federal mandates.

I will vote Democrat because ACORN is a solid and reputable organization that is dedicated to providing as much welfare and free housing for everyone in the country.

Right, it's simply wrong to register low-income people to vote and attempt to give them a voice in our democracy. Where the hell do they get off? You do know that Senator McCain stood with ACORN to accept honors from them in 2006, don't you? If not you may need to get your information from somewhere other than Fox News. Here's the link:

http://marcambinder.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/10/a_lifetime_ago_sen_john.php

I will vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whomever I want and I've decided to marry my horse.

Here you prove yourself truly ignorant and odious. You realize there was time when a white marrying a black was viewed with the same sort of bias? The only people who fear homosexuality are people afraid of aspects their own sexuality, whether they know it or not.

I will vote Democrat because I agree with Harry Reid that tsome lawyers like John Edwards are making a tremetion to society and frivolous lawsuits are more important than anything else is today.

You're right only big companies should have lawyers, and the only frivolous lawsuits come from Democrats. This is just dumb.

I will vote Democrat because I believe that the oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% is perfectly proper.

Much of that 15% is collected at the local or state level to fund maintenance on roads, bridges and other infra-structure. At least I get something back from that expense.

I will vote Democrat because I believe the government always does a better job of spending the money I earn than I could ever hope to.

The war in Iraq costs us 720 million dollars EACH DAY, all of it borrowed from foreigners to be repaid by our children & grand-children. Now, who started that war? Right it was a Republican president, along with a Republican congress.

I will vote Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as it conforms nobody is offended by it.

I think you're missing an "and" in there, but don't worry I'm not offended.

I will vote Democrat because I believe that Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton were correct in their thinking that every American, even if they are not qualified or capable of making the mortgage payment, should be approved for a mortgage to own a home.

Those poor bankers were forced to write bad loans they knew would never be repaid. Right, it didn't have anything to do with loan officers and real-estate sales people assuming that ever-increasing real-estate values would float otherwise questionable mortgages.

I will vote Democrat because the Congress did the right thing in making taxpayers pay for the mistakes of Wall Street.

Gee, I thought the bailout was proposed by the president. Isn't he a Republican? Didn't something like half the Republicans in the house and a large majority of them in the senate, including Mr. McCain, vote in favor of it as well?

I will vote Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I believe what Obama says about the bad guys stopping what they're doing because they now think we're good people.

Maybe of we just kill and torture more Iraqis they'll finally realize that we have a God-given right to invade and occupy their country. Doesn't matter that they had nothing to do with the 9/11 or Al Qaeda until we attacked them.

I will vote Democrat because I believe Obama when he says that his Muslim friends they does not intend to invade Israel, Lebanon or any other democratic country in the Middle East.

Write in English much?

I will vote Democrat because I believe that people who are unable to tell us if it will rain on Friday know enough to tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Toyota Prius.

Actually they're melting away right now.

I will vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we make sure that we keep all death row inmates alive.

I thought conservatives were against big government, but you want it to decide what to do about one of the most personal things that can happen to a woman. You know what other country proudly executes such a large percentage of its citizens? Iran and Saudi Arabia where being gay or having sex outside marriage (if you're a woman) can get you hanged or stoned to death. Come to think of it, considering how you feel about legalizing homosexual marriage, maybe feel right at home in one of those countries.

I will vote Democrat because I believe that no business should be allowed to make a profit. Instead, they should break even and give the rest of the money to the government for redistribution as they see fit.

No, instead we should continue the trends of the last 25 years or so which have the rich getting richer and everyone else on their own. Millionaires for McCain!

I will vote Democrat because the nation’s teachers unions are more qualified to make decisions about a child’s education than the parents do.

Those evil teachers! They clearly have it out for us, working long hours for little pay, picking up the pieces of society's collective failings. How dare they!

I will vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges should rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit those fringe kooks in Congress who can never get their agendas past the voters.

No, I want judges who interpret the constitution to suit the needs mainstream kooks and the powers that be so that phones can be tapped anywhere and anytime for any reason, or none at all. Never mind what's just, the Dred Scott decision was a perfect example of strict interpretation. (Look it up.)

I will vote Democrat because the Congress has been doing such a great job over the past two years and I firmly believe that Nancy Pelosi, truly a patriotic American, has our interests at heart rather than worrying about protecting her husband’s millions invested in American Samoa.

Ok, here I have to agree with you. Pelosi really lost my support when she took impeachment off the table. I realize that Bush never received a blow-job from an intern while in the Oval Office (that we know about), but it seems to me that killing anywhere from 100,000 to a million Iraqis (nobody knows the real number) on the basis of exaggerations, faked intelligence and deception somehow is worse.

I will vote Democrat because my head is so firmly planted in the wrong place that it's unlikely that I'll ever have another sensible thought

I'm not sure that you would know a sensible thought if it smacked upside the head, so it probably doesn't make much difference.

Finally, I will vote Democrat because I truly appreciate everything Howard Dean has done to try to ruin this country.

Ruin the country... you mean like going to a birthday party while a major city floods, or running-up a record debt on a dubious military venture, or falling asleep at the wheel while unregulated bankers make mincemeat of the markets?

Please consider all of the above reasons. Then make an effort to convince your friends to do the same.

Don't worry, I have.

Cheers