Reply #44: I am going right down the drain [View All]

[blues90]

I was doing good until 2004 oct , right before the elections I was fired for no good reason from a 12 year long job . After 8 months I found another jobs that i was laid off from and this lasted 5 months , now I have been looking with no luck for 7 months and sold just about everything we had to pay bills and food and have used credit cards to make the bare ends meet .

I spent 18 years dealing with anxiety attacks and full blown panic attackes and managed with meds to dampen this enough to live , I used to worry during a panic attack with racing heart and dizziness and rubber legs i would die , since then i have given up worrying about death , i almost welcome it now and the panic went away , now I am an internal bunch of nerves with no insurance and less and less hope my wife and i will pull out of this . i drive for a messenger service and we barely have the money to keep the basics and I worry we have not much time left , every day i wake in a start with the world rushing in telling me I don't have a real job and can;t find one .