Reply #103: Some very good questions. [View All]

[PsychoDad]

I'll try to do justice to at least a few of them now, and perhaps finish them later if I don't have the time right now.:)

Firstly we Muslims don't believe that the Quran was "written by a man". We hold that it was dictated verbatim to Muhammad (peace be upon him)from God, who is neither male or female, who recited what he heard, which was then memorized and written down by both men and women. The Quran takes great pains to impart the genderless quality of the One by using BOTH the male and female possessive alternatively when talking about God.

And although the Quran was transmitted to us through a man, Muhammad(saw), the bulk of the Hadeeth, the other half of what defines Islamic religious practices is transmitted to us through Muhammad's young wife Ayeasha(may Allah be pleased with her), of whom Muhammad said, "You will learn half your faith from her".

"In regards to the chastity of women………..is there a regards to the chastity of men?"

Yes, we are to remain equally Chase. The very same proscriptions apply equally.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…..why?

Because the One who dictated the Quran to Muhammad(saw) knew that raising a family was a full time job for a mother. Consider even today how many mothers, given the economic feasibility, would opt to stay home with their children and personally see to their upbringing.

Mind you, this was not the requirement. If a Muslim woman wished to she could work outside the home and anything she earned would remain exclusively hers. She could even be a marred woman with children, if she wished, the husband was required to find a nurse or caretaker for the child to allow his wife to work outside the house.

And if she wished, she could be financially independent from her family or even husband. The Quran acknowledges the importance of the Mother to the family (The gate to heaven is at the feet of a mother- Muhammad(saw)) but it does not restrict her to that role, nor does it require her to be financially dependent.

In short, what the Quran does is state that the role of a mother is so important and time consuming, and in those days made even more important in that the mother was also the teacher of her children (no pre-school, head start, day care centers or public schools), that it was the woman's right to expect the same amount of work to be put into providing for the family as she was putting into herself and that she would not have to worry about the financial part of raising a child.

In her elder years it was also expected that her family would provide for her.

Remember, the Quran gives woman the choice to be on her own or to rely upon her family or somewhere in the middle. It doesn't give men the same choice, men are required to provide for his wife and children.

This translates to the inheritance. Islamic Inheritance rules are complicated matters. Males only receive a portion from a short list of relatives while the women receive it from all relatives in her family. Also the males share of the inheritance goes to his family, his wife or mother can take it from him for household needs as she sees fit. The woman's smaller share remains hers, no one can take it or tell her what to do with in.

My wife can go into my wallet to take any money she needs for herself or the family, I cannot do the same with her's.. it belongs to her alone.

The mahr that you describe as a dowry is a complicated phenomenon..


In “Why Sex Matters: A Darwinian Look at Human Behavior” by Bobbi S. Low

“One example of dowry as female competition is that in modern rural India. Since about 1950, demographic shifts have resulted in a decline in potential grooms for potential brides of marriageable ages—and dowries have risen steadily. By 1990, a dowry was likely to be over 50 percent of a household’s assets. Wives from poor families, able to pay less in dowry, may be less likely to marry; if they marry, they have a high risk of spousal abuse.”

I think what you describe is the hindu practice of the Mahr. (I may be wrong) which is given to the family of the bride to be, In which case it is decided upon by the father and goes to him.

In Islam the bride to be dictates what she wants in the marriage contract with the groom to be and it is given directly and only to her. She can ask for anything, House, car, etc, she can even place a timeline on it (ie: I want a house in my name in 3 years, etc)

But in modern practice the Mahr normally consists of a ring and a dollar, or some other token gift which is requested by the bride. Hindu and Muslim dowery's are very different.

Again, the wife is expected to give up her own responsibility of bearing any of the financial expenses or the decisions of how the finances are to be spent….inferior status

Again, only if she so chooses.

Let me discuss this from personal experience here, my Daughter is planning on marrying a wonderful man from Sweden who is currently ready to finish his last year in school and become an electrician. She has already planned that her marriage contract will specify a few things, such as she will continue in college and medical school while he works. Once she has graduated she will then begin her career and they will both work until which time she decides to become a mother. Secondly, he will have no other wives while married to her. Abrogation or either of these on his part will be grounds for immediate divorce.

Does it sound like she is accepting an inferior position? All Islamic women have the same rights as she does.

The testimonies of two female witnesses for every male (only applies while dealing with financial transactions) inferior status only financial, that’s a big only.

In practice all Islamic contracts require 2 witnesses, male or female. 2 males, 2 females or a combination for a contract to be valid.

Ever hear the expression "she has no head for business", "Girls are no good at math", etc? The same fallacy seemed to exist in Muhammad's time also. What this verse does is state that in a situation where a man is claiming in a financial case that the woman may not have understood the complexities of the contract, the woman involved can bring in another woman to verify her side, that this is the way understood the conditions also.

This isn't saying 1 man = 2 women, it's saying that a woman can use and call upon another woman to be her witness. (Remember, the plaintiff is the first witness)

The woman gets to dissolve the marriage under certain circumstances…cruelty,desertion without a reason and/or with him not fulfilling his conjugal responsibilities etc.

So what are the certain circumstances that a husband can dissolve the marriage, besides “for any reason during the four-month period, during a time in which his wife may become pregnant” …am I even reading that right?

No, Firstly the man must take certain steps to bridge the gap between him and his wife. Only after the last step can he divorce her (By saying I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Then he must leave the house) The man must then wait a four month period before the divorce is finalized. During which time he must take steps to mind the marriage if possible. This does not have to go to court, and so no dirty laundry need be aired. (and he cannot talk badly of her as this would be backbiting.)

On the other hand, when the wife has decided that she has had enough she can go to the court and have the marriage nullified immediately. No waiting period. Going to court has the effect of allowing the wife to air the husband's dirty laundry in front of the entire community.

But then you say that you, some scholars, and students believe that the latter version has the reverse functionality.
Well unfortunately all Islamic women aren’t married to you or the more “progressive” scholars and students.

Where are the admonishments, banishments and beatings/hit the road punishments that women are instructed to use against their wayward husbands?

While they may not me married to me (my wife would kill me, then divorce me :P ) I can only hope they find better husbands than I am.

I do honestly think that this understanding of the verse fits more closely with the spirit of the Quran and the overwhelming majority of Hadeeth (sayings and doings of the Prophet).

The admonishments for husbands? A husband has to leave the house of his wife if she so desires, he cannot cast her out of his for as long as they are married.

In the end it is our duty to teach not only non-muslims but also muslims about what Islam really teaches. There is currently a debate within Islam, a struggle for the very soul of Islam as moderate muslims fight to reclaim the way of life that the Prophet wished for us from the influences of men who over the years have sought political power and control by skillful mis-interpetions of the Quran. At the end of the day, Islam has no pope or priesthood, it is up to each of us to understand the Quran in the best way we can.

Hope this helps :)
Peace.