***Summer Squall*** [View All]

[CaliforniaPeggy]

Kate leaned against the crooked door jamb. Her beach cottage stood on the crest of a small hill just up from the shore. The view always stirred her. The ancient boardwalk sloped over the dunes, down between the salt grass clumps, to the water. The slats shone. They all needed nailing down; she just hadn’t gotten to it. There was no urgency.

Her gaze drifted off towards the horizon. Thunderheads were gathering. She considered the possibility of a storm. It would not be the first time that a summer squall had blown through. For now, though, the sun shone over the waves, and puffy clouds floated by. The breeze touched her face and ruffled her hair. The grass fluttered. The only sounds were of the wavelets churning up onto the shore.

Kate remembered how Will’s hands had felt, so long ago. It was always the same: He’d reach for her and wrap her in strong arms. She would let him pull her against him, and he’d caress her hair and face. The old breathlessness caught her. Her hand gripped the locket that had been his gift. It hung slackly against her breast. Engraved on it’s silvery surface were their intertwined initials. And inside was the single picture: his face, turned towards her on one brilliant and happy day.

She had not felt this tranquil in a long time. But her feelings were so delicate that she feared breaking the spell. She didn’t want to risk that. Even now, she felt the memories, and traumas, trying to push their way into her consciousness. Kate shook her head.

She gazed at the surf.

The breeze had come up much more strongly now and the wavelets had more authority against the beach. She looked into the distance and saw rain out over the ocean. The horizon was blurred. She felt chilly. Her thin summer dress was no barrier against this. For a moment, she stood quietly on her porch, and then she realized how foolish she was, staying put in the face of the coming squall.

She turned on her heel, and went in. The door closed solidly behind her. She tossed her sweater around her shoulders and sat quietly in the wingback chair that faced the window.

The storm advanced. She braced herself ; she felt danger in its coming. Helplessness flooded her.

The rain and wind struck together. The howling and slashing always terrified her, even though she knew the storm would pass quickly. She tried to reassure herself . But today was different. The old terror gripped her anew. The tiny fine hairs on her arms rose as she shivered. She pulled her sweater more tightly around her.

She could see his face and hear his voice in spite of the storm. Even now, it seemed as though he were still there, still with her. They had come out to this tranquil place for the weekend. He’d said he had something important to say, and he’d wanted to say it here, where they’d had so many happy times. But she knew--this time--the news would not be good.



The storm shook the house. How long could it last?. The rain slashed at the windows and the glass panes rattled. Kate looked down, and realized that she was digging her hands into her arms. She was shaking from the cold and her fear.

Just as she had on that long-ago day.

Even though there hadn’t been any storm then, Will’s words had chilled and frightened her. She knew that he was not a well man, that all his life, he’d had severe lung disease. But it had progressed beyond all belief.

Now his words were hitting home. They were hard in the little beach house. He stared at her, nostrils flaring, blue eyes fixed on her own. No tender looks today. None. He spoke of his stark reality, and then it was hers too.

He was dying. Nothing any doctor could do. He had maybe a year, or two if he was lucky and careful.

Lightning struck and the thunder roared along with it. Kate jumped. Her grip had nearly cut off her circulation. She forced herself to breathe. Her memories had frozen her to the chair.

She had to get up, had to move. Anything was better than sitting there like a victim. She rose slowly, stiffly to her feet and moved to the window. The storm continued to howl.

The salt grass nearly flattened as the rain slashed. The sky was an immutable gray mass. The little house shook, but held. Kate could hardly see the storm, for her tears.

They had come up as abruptly as the storm. From her core, deep inside, her pain howled. Her throat closed and the tears ripped up into her eyes. Her sobs shook her.

The news had stabbed her. All she could think was how unfair, how horrifying. How could he be dying? She wanted to scream, to cry, to run away and take him someplace safe.

But there was no safe place. She could cradle him in her arms and sing a lullabye to help him rest, but that was all.

Her memories were chaotic. She felt as though she was being thrown about by forces beyond her control. She hardly knew what to think or do first. For the first time, she was unable to help him at all. It was a role she was not prepared for.


Kate found that she veered between calmness, complete rage and unbelievable loss. She tried hard to keep Will from seeing her sorrow, but he knew. She wanted to be a refuge for him, a safe place, but her grief made it nearly impossible. Some days, their roles were reversed; he would comfort her and help her see beyond his death.

She felt as though she had become a pendulum, swinging back and forth between calm acceptance and overwhelming grief. Sometimes they would be walking hand in hand along the beach and she would be calm and happy, content even.

And then there were the times when she would watch him sleep and hear him laboring. She felt terrified that each breath might be his last, that she would be unable to help him. The thought that she might be responsible for his death only compounded her grief. She’d tiptoe out of their bedroom to sit in the wing back chair and weep silently, uncontrollably until she could stop.

Ah, it was so long ago. Why was she still feeling so vulnerable? She couldn’t say. But there it was.

Looking back now, she knew that she’d been lucky. Yes, he was dying. But they still had some time. Funny, Will was so much calmer, and more rational than she. He’d been such a strong man all his life, and he was no different as he faced his death.

How she’d wished she could emulate his strength, but it was impossible. Her sobs racked her anew. She grabbed a tissue to catch the tears. She felt as though the squall was travelling right through her, scouring her raw the way the beach would be once the storm was gone.

Her head jerked up. What was that? A voice came to her from outside. Or so it seemed. It sounded like Will’s. She stilled her sobs to listen. She heard the call again. And again. It couldn’t be, but it was.

She stood and looked out the window. The rain continued to drive against the little beach house. She could see no-one outside, but still the voice spoke, more urgently this time.

There was no mistake. It was Will. He was out there and he wanted her now. Joy rose in her. It was as though the sun had come up in her heart. She yanked open the cottage door and ran out into the storm.

EPILOGUE

“Yeah, we got the call from her neighbor yesterday. They hadn’t seen her in several days and were worried something might have happened. I mean, Kate was a sensible girl, but lately she’d been acting kinda funny, ya know?” His partner nodded. The cop stopped on the porch. He rattled the doorknob, and the door swung open. “Funny, she never left the door unlocked. “ He walked inside. “Nothing happening in here. Wonder where she went.”

His partner’s shout made him turn around.

“What?”

“Omigod, is that her?”

Down at the end of the boardwalk lay a shape. Half covered in sand and turned away from the house, lay a body.

The two cops hurried down the boardwalk and cautiously approached. The senior cop grabbed her shoulder and gave her a shake. “Kate? You OK?“

But there was no response.

“Looks like she got caught in the storm. Huh. Weird. “ He turned her over gently, and gasped when he saw her face.

She was smiling. And in her hand she clutched the locket.