Reply #33: Some of my favorites [View All]

[geniph]

Dorothy Parker: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

more Parker: If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

yet more Parker: If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

David Lloyd George (on Herbert Samuel): When they circumcised him, they threw away the wrong bit.

Mark Twain: You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of a hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

more Twain: Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Jay Leno('s writers): So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander of NATO, saw combat in Vietnam, won the bronze star, silver star, the purple heart for being wounded in battle. See, I'm no political expert, but that sounds pretty good next to choking on a pretzel, falling off a scooter and dropping the dog.

Oscar Levant (on a politician): He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.

Groucho Marx: I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. Unfortunately, this wasn't it.

H.L. Mencken: Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

more Mencken: In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

yet more Mencken: Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule— and both commonly succeed, and are right.

Will Rogers: Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Doc Searles: I don't dislike President Bush. I do, however, regret that the man cannot, as Johnny Carson once said of a lesser comic, "improvise a fart at a bean party." Without a script, he's lost, able only to churn and rechurn some carefully rehearsed talking points.

Bill Watterson: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.