Reply #51: Been there, done that! [View All]

[latebloomer]

Throughout my 20s and much of my 30s, I was always attracted to the "bad boy"-- the rock 'n rollin, chemical abusing, emotionally unavailable, unfaithful, charismatic ones! I was always bemoaning the fact that all the men I got involved with were "afraid of intimacy".

Well, finally had the sense to go into therapy and realized that it was I who was afraid of intimacy! As an experiment, I allowed myself to date a couple of guys who were attractive but for whom I felt no "spark" because they were "too nice" and too available. Lo and behold, I then started to feel "smothered' and felt like running away!

With the therapist's help, I hung in there, worked thru my angst, and finally was able to settle down with a very warm and available man who had just enough of the "bad boy" in him to keep me interested. We've been married 13 years now.

But guess what helped turn the tide, when I was in "run away!" mode with future hubby! He revealed, after a month of dating, that he was seeing 2 other women. Like a cave woman I yelled, "MY man!" and the rest is history.

BTW, if your friend is at all open to it, I would recommend the book "Women Who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood, which spells out this syndrome and how to overcome it.