Reply #26: I don't think she gets it [View All]

[chookie]

She's never been married.

She is one of those poor fool "nurturing" types who adopt bad boys who tell sad stories, who tries to help them. A mother to adult men.

In order to "be loved" she feels she is obliged to be treated badly. Also has some very serious "boundary" issues. Doesn't have the sense to want to be treated decently -- only has developed the sense to not want a guy with a potbelly. :shrug:

I agree -- this is a person who would greatly benefit from therapy, but it is not appropriate for me to make such a suggestion.

The sad thing about people who make the same mistake over and over and over and over and over and over again is that they just don't get the part about "choice." Emotionally well-adjusted people make choices -- emotionally not-well-adjusted people have no idea that this is an option for them, and that there is another way to go. It's sad. My motive in raising the question with the about possibility that nice guys are invisible to her was to get her to think about changing her ancient pattern of behavior.

I'm not really interested in a campaign of "reforming" her -- I just wanted to give her a little nugget to think about *while* she is in a position to make a choice.

I've not brought this up as a topic to ask "What can I do to help her?" but rather to discuss this kind of behavior in a general way.