Reply #48: Another vote for Mitch Hedberg [View All]

[Cush]

"I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candybar in the store, often times i=I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential"

"On a traffic light, green means go, yellow means yield. But on a banana, its just the opposite, green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the f*ck did you get that banana at"

"I'm against picketting, but i don't know how to show it"

"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be f*cked up"

"I wanna be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver, say man can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going around in a circle? Can I put me feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide"

"When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say Dufrain party of two, table ready for Dufrain party of two. If no one answers they'll say the name again. 'Dufrain party of two'. But then if no one answers they'll go right on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrains? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You f*ckers are selfish. The Dufrains are in someone's trunk right now with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. We need help. Bush, search party of three. you can eat once You find the Dufrains"

http://www.mitchhedberg.net/