Reply #2: Well, this is pretty damn funny... [View All]

[LeftyFingerPop]

When I was in my 30's, I was washing in the shower one day, and I noticed a rather prominent lump in...uh...in the location where you would normally get a hemorrhoid.

I went to see my physician. He took a look at it and said "I don't know what the heck it is, I'm going to have to send you to a surgeon to get it biopsied".

So I go to see the surgeon, and he says he will have to perform the surgery in the hospital, on an outpatient basis.

I go to the hospital thinking they would give me some nice drugs to ease my discomfort and embarrassment. Surgeon says..."You don't need any of that...I'm just going to give you several shots of novocaine and you won't feel a thing".

So they wheel me into the operating room while I am hoping and praying that the nurses in there will be old, hardened battle axes.

When I get into the operating room, there are two young, beautiful nurses in there.

I start to sweat. Seriously.

The surgeon comes in and greets me. He has a puzzled look on his face. I ask him what is wrong. He says..."I am just trying to figure out the best position to put you in".

So I am naked, laying face down on some kind of gurney, with the doctor and the two young nurses standing close by. I am sweating more now.

He jacks up the CENTER of the gurney slowly, while my head and feet are lowered, and my fuzzy Italian ass is hoisted into the air.

He keeps pumping that foot pedal, and my ass gets pointed toward the ceiling. You could have planted a flag in me, or parked a bicycle. I'm really sweating now, and I say "Oh Jesus Christ, this is so embarrassing".

One of the nurses stands at my head. I can't see anything because of my awkward position. See holds my hand and wipes the sweat from my forehead.

I hear the surgeon say...."Hmmm". I say...."What's wrong"?

He says..."I still can't access it".

All of a sudden I hear "RIPPPPPPPP", and then feel a slap on my left ass cheek. He took some fucking DUCT TAPE, slapped one end on each of my cheeks, pulled the tape to spread out my cheeks, and attached the other end of the duct tape to each of the side bars of the gurney.

So there I am with my ass pointing toward the heavens, and my cheeks spread wide open with DUCT TAPE.

My forehead is sweating profusely, and the nurse holding my hand says "How are you doing"?

I just say "please kill me".

The doctor then shoots about 15 shots around the lump in a circle to numb it.

Turns out is was a benign tumor.

I think that is pretty funny...having your ass held open with DUCT TAPE.