My encounter with a SAN FRANCISCO PARKING PSYCHO WOMAN!!!! [View All]

[UdoKier]

(And no, she wasn't a freeper. At least I don't think so. This is SF, kinda rare here.)

Okay, first off, for those who don't know, parking in most of San Francisco is at a premium. There are narrow driveways with very small spaces in between where people try to park their cars, which is sometimes hard to do without edging slightly in front of somebody's driveway. Most people are somewhat tolerant, within reason, but others, after years of dealing with parking obstructions, become EXTREMELY protective of their driveways. Then there are the DPT red zones that you also do not want to park in front of. That being said, the DPT officers don't usually go out of their way to try and ticket someone who's into the red by an inch.

So tonight, I'm visiting friends on Prentiss street in Bernal Heights, and I park the car. Not all that carefully because I have to go pee. As I'm going in, I notice I'm in front of a small 18-inch long red zone on the side of a driveway, so after using the bathroom, I head back out to try and adjust the car. I see a lady walking in toward the house I'm in front of, so I ask her in a friendly way, "Do you think they're pretty picky about the red zone?" And she starts to read me the riot act.

Her: "Do you have a California Driver's license? What kind of idiot are you? Can't you read the DTP sign?"

And on and on she rants as she enters her home.

Me: "Thanks for answering my question in such a HELPFUL way." (much sarcasm)

So, I decide to play it safe and scoot the car up. Now it's a steep hill and I'm facing uphill, and there is an SUV in front of me, so I don't want to get to close to it, but I move up so my rear bumper is just about an inch into the red zone.

I go inside and enjoy our dinner with friends.

When we come out - you guessed it, $50 parking ticket on the windshield. (This is a residential area away from main streets, and the ticket was issued at 8:40 pm, so she had to have called)

I see that my bumper is slightly encroaching on the red zone, but I figure it's close enough that a court might be lenient, so after grousing a bit about the ticket and the lady who obviously had complained, I send the wife to the convenience store to get a Throw-away camera at the convenience store to document the car's position.

While she's gone, I decide to write the lady a little note:

Dear resident,

It's obvious that you are a mean, bitter, lonely and hateful witch.

I hope that you learn something about being human someday.

Signed, a person who will never darken your door again.

(I made a point of not using foul or even vaguely threatening language.)

The moment I lay the note on her stoop, "Mrs. Kravitz" storms out yelling.

Her: "Do you have something to say to me? I'm on the phone with the Police right now. (to police) Yes. He's here. Green. Model year, about 1980-something..."

Me: "Excuse me! It's a 1995!"

Witch's daughter: "Whatever, it's OLD!"

(Now I'm getting annoyed. I have an Escort wagon, but it's clean and well-cared for.)

Me: "Good. I'd be happy to talk to the police. I'll wait right here."

Witch: "What is on the note? "

Me: "You're welcome to read it. It's just what I think of you."

Then her next-door neighbor comes out, and he starts yelling because I'm in the wrong, and I'm also slightly into HIS driveway. Of course I wouldn't have been so far forward had it not been for the red zone around the Witch's driveway, and hers is the only one that has one, because she specially requested that the city put one there!

I knew this when I parked, but didn't think much of it since the SUV ahead of me was COMPLETELY blocking the driveway. I conceded to the irate man that he was right, and that my gripe with the woman wasn't about the position of the car, but the fact that she could have just told me not to park there at all in the first place rather than screaming at me about my license (which I got 20 years ago)

Anyway, he leaves, she continues...

Witch: "Why don't you just admit you're wrong and get out of here now, I've called the police."

Me: "No, I'd like to talk to them."

Witch: "Suit yourself, idiot."

She goes inside, wife and friends come back, we take a couple of snapshots, then start to commiserate about what happened. Then after a couple of minutes, Old Lady Windowpeeker comes out again!

Witch: "On second thought, you stay here! I'm going to show the police this note!"

Me: "Okay, show them. It's the truth."

Witch: "You know, you are a real idiot. Why don't you just apologize and get you car out of here?

Me: "Hell, I'm probably legally in the wrong here. That's not the issue. The issue is you being a total bitch without an ounce of humanity. You could have told me before I parked but instead you just screamed nonsense at me."

Witch: "Look you moron, you're probably drunk!" (didn't touch a drop) (Then to my wife and friends) "You should be ashamed of this drunken idiot. Do you see what he's done?!" (etc. etc.)

Me: "Man, you are one mean, bitter old witch. Don't you have anything better to do with your life than monitor the parking in front of your house and call the cops all the time? You're lonely and sad, and I'll bet you die that way."

Witch: (with look of scorn - she's decided we look "poor") "I have a home."

(She goes on ranting some more about what an idiot I am. By this point several neighbors have emerged from their houses to see what the commotion is - several mention that she is insane and not to waste my time with her)

Me: "Look, I realize that I'm legally in the wrong here. I'm just saying that morally, on a human level you are being a witch. There's no reason for you to pull crap like this on people."

Witch: "YOU are in the wrong. Apologize! In the wrong!!! (Then I loved this part) "Own it!!"

Me: "Own it?! What the hell are you talking about? Do you attend Learning Annex classes for a living? That doesn't even make sense. I'm sick of this. I'm leaving. Have a sad, lonely night."

Witch: "No, don't go, the police are coming, and I'm going to show them this note!!!"

Me: "So what, I have a right to call you a mean old witch, just like you have a right to call me a drunken moron. Goodbye!"

So I start to drive away, she keeps screaming, as our friends say goodbye and apologize for not warning us about her.

When we call the friends later, they tell us that the police came, and that they had laughed and thought my note was a "perfect description". Apparently she calls them constantly, is always having cars towed and sues people in the neighborhood. Has several screws loose (which I had started to suspect when she told me to "Own" my infraction.

If you are a San Franciscan and you want to tell me I'm in the wrong, don't waste your breath. I know how much I was in the wrong. I also know that MY house has a driveway identical to hers. I've never gotten the city to come and put red zones on either side of it, even though cars sometimes protrude to the point that I have to squeeeeeze out, or swerve around it. I know how tough it is to park in this town, and I'm grateful that I have a garage - many don't, so I take such parking infractions in stride. I would only call the cops if they made my driveway impassible and I couldn't leave.



I hope this story wasn't too boring. I got kind of mad, but it was entertaining in a way. I don't get to meet people that tightly wound very often.