DeLay's revision of ethics code (sarcasm) [View All]

[proud2BlibKansan]

CONGRESSIONAL MEMORANDUM: MAJORITY LEADER TOM DeLAY ISSUES LONG-OVERDUE REVISIONS TO U.S. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES CODE OF ETHICAL CONDUCT
Remarks by the House Majority Leader

CONGRESSMAN DeLAY: Good afternoon. Now before any of you liberal media attack poodles start scribbling your lies and twisting my words, let's get a couple things straight:

Firstly, y'all would do well to remember that I'm like a Southwestern horny toad. I'm ugly, thorny, eat insects, and if you don't back off, I will squirt a stream of hot blood from my eyes straight into your mouth. But unlike a horny toad, I can also dispatch a horde of congressional lackeys to root through your IRS files and financial statements to kill you to death with a thousand paper cuts. (Laughs.)

Secondly, my talking here today is in no way statement on that backstabbing, partisan stuff that did or didn't happen ever. So don't ask no questions about things that I just plum don't want to talk about. Because I am accountable to just three people: Jesus Christ, Denny Hastert, and George W. Bush, who graciously allowed me to make these statements from the White House, proving yet again that America's forefathers intended for all noble power to be centralized into the clammy hands of a select few blue-eyed golf partners.

That said, I am here today to announce a brand new ethical Code of Conduct for the House. These new rules have absolutely nothing to do with whatever slanderous bull hockey you spineless little cockroaches are cooking up with that socialist dyke Nancy Pelosi in order to take my cracker ass down. So digest these rules. Report them. And pray to whatever faggot gods you hold holy that I don't come after you and squirt my poisonous artery mud all over your screaming mulatto babies.

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2005/041505.asp