Democratic Underground - The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 301

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 301

July 30, 2007
Going, Going, Gonzales Edition

Alberto Gonzales (1) appears before the Senate Judiciary Committee and gives the worst performance since Keanu Reeves in "Dracula" - but his friends in the White House (2) think he deserves an Oscar. Meanwhile, Republican Presidential Candidates (5) are demonstrating their bravery, Bill O'Reilly (8) is foolishly taking on the blogs, and Carl Wimmer (10) responds! Enjoy, and don't forget the key...

Alberto Gonzales

In 2006, Alberto Gonzales testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee about the Bush administration's controversial terrorist surveillance program (TSP), announcing that "There has not been any serious disagreement about the program that the president has confirmed."

Well sure - unless you count half of the Justice Department threatening to resign over it. It turns out that in 2004, then-White House counsel Alberto Gonzales attempted to reauthorize the TSP in a most unusual manner - he bypassed the acting attorney general James Comey and went straight to the hospital bedside of a near-comatose John Ashcroft, who was recovering from emergency gall bladder surgery. (See Idiots 291.)

So last week Gonzales again testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and this time he was asked why his previous statements about the lack of disagreement seemed to be, um, incorrect. Gonzales replied that, oh yes, there was some disagreement after all, but...

GONZALES: The disagreement that occurred was about other intelligence activities and the reason for the visit to the hospital was about other intelligence activities. It was not about the terrorist surveillance program that the president announced to the American people.

Okay, so let's get this straight.

First Gonzales testified that there was no disagreement over the TSP.

Then deputy attorney general James Comey testified that Gonzales was lying, in fact there was disagreement, and as many as 30 Justice Department officials almost resigned over it.

Then Gonzales testified that when he said there was no disagreement, he was talking about "other intelligence activities" - and he'd gone to see Ashcroft to talk about these "other intelligence activities," not about the TSP.

Now check out this conversation between FBI director Robert Mueller and Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee last week:

In the hearing before the House Judiciary committee Thursday, Mueller elaborated on the dispute in 2004 over the surveillance program that occurred in a hospital room where then Attorney General John Ashcroft was recovering from a gall bladder operation.

Mueller was not in the room when Gonzales, then White House legal counsel, and White House chief of staff Andy Card arrived and talked to the ailing attorney general. Mueller testified that he arrived shortly after they left, and spoke with Ashcroft.

"Did you have an understanding that the conversation was on TSP?" asked Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas. TSP stands for terrorist surveillance program.

"I had an understanding the discussion was on a NSA program, yes," Mueller answered.

Jackson asked again: "We use 'TSP,' we use 'warrantless wiretapping,' so would I be comfortable in saying that those were the items that were part of the discussion?"

"The discussion was on a national NSA program that has been much discussed, yes," Mueller responded.

So let's get this straight again.

First Gonzales testified that there was no disagreement over the TSP.

Then deputy attorney general James Comey testified that Gonzales was lying, in fact there was disagreement, and as many as 30 Justice Department officials almost resigned over it.

Then Gonzales testified that when he said there was no disagreement, he was talking about "other intelligence activities" - and he'd gone to see Ashcroft to talk about these "other intelligence activities," not about the TSP.

Then FBI director Robert Mueller testified that Gonzales was lying, in fact he certainly did go to Ashcroft to talk about the TSP.

Oh yes, and by the way, the Associated Press just uncovered some documents that prove Gonzales was definitely lying under oath.

So there you have it - the Attorney General is apparently a great big liar, and not only that, he's willing to lie under oath. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the chief law enforcement officer of the United States supposed to avoid blatantly committing perjury?

The White House

Of course the attorney general is supposed to avoid committing perjury - unless he's the attorney general appointed by George W. Bush, in which case he's apparently supposed to lie, obfuscate, and basically say any old shit that he can think of in order to protect his boy George. Did I mention that Alberto Gonzales used to be Our Great Leader's personal attorney? Gee, you'd never be able to tell.

And so last week the White House stuck by the attorney general, pulling excuse after excuse out of its collective ass in an effort to spin Alberto's alleged crimes. Let's take a look at some of the tactics they used last week to weasel their way out of this one.

The Depends On What The Meaning Of Is Is Tactic

"Now, when you talk about the terrorist surveillance program, there are many intelligence activities in the American government. We're talking about a very thin slice, limited to exactly what I was telling you about, which is monitoring communications between al Qaeda or suspected al Qaeda affiliates, one in the United States, one overseas." -- Tony Snow

The Top Secret Tactic

"Unfortunately we get into areas that you cannot discuss openly. It's a very complex issue. But the attorney general was speaking consistently. The president supports him. I think at some point this is going to be something where members are going to have to go behind closed doors and have a fuller discussion of the issues. But I can't go any further than that." -- Tony Snow

The So What If The Attorney General Is A Crook? The Democrats Are Big Meanies! Tactic

"They have deliberately had this crusade against him to try to destroy the attorney general." -- Dana Perino

The Flat-Out Boneheaded Bullshitter Tactic

Gonzales "has testified truthfully and tried to be very accurate." -- Tony Snow

I mean, really...

Arlen Specter

Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) was very, very upset about the Gonzales debacle last week - so much so that he even criticized George W. Bush while traveling with him on Air Force One. Ouch! At the committee hearing last week Specter had said to Gonzales, "I do not find your testimony credible, candidly. The committee's going to review your testimony very carefully to see if your credibility has been breached to the point of being actionable." According to the Washington Post:

Specter appeared to raise the stakes for Gonzales and the administration yesterday by suggesting that a special prosecutor may be needed to file contempt charges against the White House officials who have refused to honor congressional subpoenas.

This earned Sen. Specter the wrath of Fox News, who gave him the old "accidental mislabeling" treatment.

So, after publicly blasting Gonzales and Bush and making a big show of defending the Constitution, we can surely expect Sen. Specter to put partisanship aside and help the Democrats take action to resolve this disgraceful situation, right?

Don't hold your breath.

Sen. Arlen Specter, R.-Pennsylvania, said Thursday that Senate Democrats were just playing politics with their attacks on the Bush administration including their request for a special counsel to investigate Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

"It's been a great fundraising device for the Democratic Party," Specter, the ranking member on the Senate Judiciary Committee, said during a press conference on Capitol Hill.

The Bush Administration

Yup, these Republicans are great at touting their law and order credentials but not quite so good at following through. Recently, the House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Bush's chief of staff Josh Bolten along with former White House counsel Harriet Miers. Following instructions from Our Great Leader, Bolten and Miers - whom, lest we forget, was once nominated to the Supreme Court - simply blew off the subpoenas. They didn't even bother to show up to cite executive privilege, despite the fact that the committee may have had reasonable questions about activities that didn't involve conversations with the president.

What to do? Well, the next logical step was for the committee to find Miers and Bolten in contempt of Congress - and here's where those law and order Republicans really showed their true colors. The committee voted down party lines to criminally prosecute Bolten and Miers, with Democrats coming down on the side of law and order and Republicans coming down on the side of covering the Bush administration's ass.

But let's not get too excited just yet. Last week the Bush administration gave notice that it doesn't give a crap what Congress does - the Justice Department will not prosecute any member of the Bush administration for contempt of Congress. Because... well, just because. Apparently members of George W. Bush's administration are quite simply not subject to the same laws that everyone else is subject to.

So it's been almost seven years... surely that "returning honor and integrity to the White House" pledge must kick in any day now?

Republican Presidential Candidates

After their successful YouTube Democratic debate last week, CNN has been touting the upcoming YouTube GOP debate, to be held on September 17 in Florida. Just one problem: all of the Republican candidates, with the exception of Ron Paul and John McCain, appear to be chickening out. According to the Washington Post:

"Aside from those two candidates, we haven't heard from anyone else," said Sam Feist of CNN, which is co-sponsoring the debate with the popular video-sharing site.

Rudolph W. Giuliani and Mitt Romney, both with dozens of videos on their YouTube channels, have not signed up. Neither have the rest of the Republican candidates, including Rep. Tom Tancredo (Colo.), whose "Tancredo Takes" on his YouTube channel draw hundreds of views. Sources familiar with the Giuliani campaign said the former New York mayor is unlikely to participate. Kevin Madden, Romney's spokesman, said the former Massachusetts governor has seven debate invitations over a span of 11 days in September.

Uh-oh - looks like those tough-on-terror candidates are scared of a few honest questions from members of the public! Better cut and run for the safety of Fox News where they can answer questions like this:

BRIT HUME: Three shopping centers near major U.S. cities have been hit by suicide bombers. Hundreds are dead, thousands injured. A fourth attack has been averted when the attackers were captured off the Florida coast and taken to Guantanamo Bay, where they are being questioned. U.S. intelligence believes that another larger attack is planned and could come at any time. ... How aggressively would you interrogate those being held at Guantanamo Bay for information about where the next attack might be?

So there you have it. The Republican candidates are happy to to wave their tackle in the faces of hypothetical terrorists, but go code brown in their pants when confronted with questions from real Americans.

Fred Thompson

Meanwhile Phone-It-In Fred Thompson is so scared of the public that he's invented a sort of parallel-universe campaign in which he runs for president without actually doing anything. Unfortunately Fred's non-campaign has run into a few problems recently, with the New York Times reporting that:

A week of personnel turnover that extended from his campaign-manager-in-waiting down to volunteers raised questions about whether the Thompson camp is prepared to jump fully into the race for the Republican presidential nomination, a race in which his rivals have had months to establish their campaign organizations, raise money and hone strategy.

It also ignited speculation in Republican circles about who is really in charge, and in particular about the extent of the role being played by Mr. Thompson's wife, Jeri Kehn Thompson, a former political operative.

(snip)

Mr. Thompson, 64, has said that he is intent on running a different kind of presidential campaign - on his own timetable and with the heavy use of all the tools available on the Internet, including online fund-raising and blogging. But the recent reshuffling has left unclear what balance he is striking between a traditional campaign and something truly different. And Republicans are still trying to determine who is really calling the shots and how much power is held by Mrs. Thompson.

"It's now become an open joke among people in the consultant community and political movers and shakers that the senator's wife is really running the campaign," said Tony Fabrizio, a Republican pollster and strategist. "The spouse needs to be an integral part of the campaign but it is never a good thing when the spouse runs the campaign because the spouse is never objective."

I suppose it makes sense that Thompson's mythical campaign is being run by a mermaid.

Mitt Romney

I noted last week that Mitt Romney was recently spotted doing this on the campaign trail:

When asked why he would hold up a sign comparing a Democratic presidential candidate to the world's most wanted terrorist, Romney had this to say:

You know what? Lighten up slightly. There are a lot of jokes out there.

Right. But it turns out that this isn't the first time Romney has been in trouble after holding up a sign. Check it out:

Honestly, Mitt really should be more careful about this sort of thing. By the way, did you hear about his criminal record?

Bill O'Reilly

Shrill Bill has been flipping his lid recently over news that prominent Democrats are daring to appear at YearlyKos, the annual netroots convention created by DailyKos.com. Bill was so disappointed with the amount of "hate" being spewed by the DailyKos website that he compared them to, er, the Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan. (Although to be fair, I have yet to see Kossacks hanging black people from trees or invading Poland.)

The Falafel Master even managed to get JetBlue to repudiate their sponsorship of the event - despite the fact that the only thing JetBlue had done for YearlyKos was provide ten travel vouchers, so when O'Reilly came flapping at them they just asked to have their name taken off the website. Well done, Bill.

However, O'Reilly may have bitten off more than he can chew this time. See, it turns out that Internet mayhem is going on right under Bill's nose, on his very own website. Here's a comment from the Bill O'Reilly message board:

If Hillary wins, I will be respectful of our leader. If you could read my thoughts, I would be on the SS (Secret Service) watch list.

So, you're thinking about assassinating Hillary Clinton then? Hmm.

Funny thing is, as noted by John Aravosis at AmericaBlog:

...you'll be interested to know that while O'Reilly holds others responsible for the words strangers leave on their Web sites, on O'Reilly's Web site, he's not responsible at all for the hate and threats his readers leave behind. And I quote O'Reilly's own Web site:

"BillOReilly.com will not be held liable for any user activity on the message boards. We do not actively monitor user-submitted content."

You see, it's okay when he does it.

If you're sick and tired of O'Reilly's antics, here's something you can do about it. Brave New Films, the company behind the documentary "OutFoxed," has created a new website called Fox Attacks, dedicated to boycotting Fox News advertisers - apparently they've already persuaded Lowe's to pull their ads from O'Reilly's radio show. Check them out today.

The Bush Administration

On September 20th, 2001, George W. Bush addressed a joint session of Congress and said this:

We will starve terrorists of funding, turn them one against another, drive them from place to place until there is no refuge or no rest.

And we will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation in every region now has a decision to make: Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists.

From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime.

So, given that 15 of the 19 September 11th hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, and given that the Los Angeles Times noted recently that in Iraq "About 45% of all foreign militants targeting U.S. troops and Iraqi civilians and security forces are from Saudi Arabia," just what is the Bush administration's plan to deal with the Saudis?

The Bush administration will announce next week a series of arms deals worth at least $20 billion to Saudi Arabia and five other oil-rich Persian Gulf states as well as new 10-year military aid packages to Israel and Egypt, a move to shore up allies in the Middle East and counter Iran's rising influence, U.S. officials said yesterday.

Genius. Hey, remember when we tried this kind of proxy power-play against the USSR in Afghanistan? Training and arming all those radical, militant Muslims sure was a great idea. Oh, but I forgot - that's when they were "freedom fighters."

Carl Wimmer

And finally, a follow-up on a Conservative Idiot who was tucked quietly away in the 25th slot of last week's special edition. State Rep. Carl Wimmer of Utah is currently raising money for his brother who has cancer but no health insurance, and Wimmer recently turned down the chance to see Michael Moore's new movie "SiCKO" for free, saying, "Michael Moore's movies are full of lies and half-truths and I don't see how this will be any different. Until we have a firm grasp on the problem, I don't think anyone will be able to solve it."

Instead of working to fix America's broken healthcare system, Wimmer, a powerlifter, is "benching for bucks" to raise money for his brother's cancer treatments. Apparently Wimmer believes that charity will solve the problems of America's 45 million uninsured, and he would be absolutely right - if only they all had a prominent local politician who would go out and "bench for bucks" on their behalf. Which seems to be a bit of a flaw in his plan.

But anyway, DUer ProudDad wrote to Rep. Wimmer last week to let him know that he'd been featured on the list, and here's Wimmer's response:

Dearest Socialists,

While I know your hero Karl Marx would be proud of your attempt to bring communist ideals to the U.S, not to mention your trashy language; I am unimpressed....Please send your drivel to someone who is actually uneducated, so that you might actually convince them that destroying America with communism is good....

As for me, don't email me again or I will block your email address.

Representative Wimmer
House District 52

So congratulations, Rep. Wimmer - not only are you too dumb to consider the concept that America's current healthcare system may be deeply flawed, you can't even manage to come up with a 21st Century insult. Communists? Oh... er, that hurts. :eyes:

See you next week!

-- EarlG

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