Reply #16: This is awful [View All]

[davidthegnome]

It was only a few years ago that I sat down with a couple recruiters myself. I was unemployed and couldn't find any stable work in my area. So I sat down with the army recruiters, took their tests, and they said I scored well enough.

Then they started asking me questions, such as whether or not I'd ever smoked marijuana. I had, as most people 20 and over have, in fact, I'd smoked it with my sister just a day before. They told me I'd have to lie about that - that the army doesn't want potheads, etc. They offered me something to flush out my system as well. The deceit bothered me, but I was pretty desperate, so I kept going.

The idea of a bonus - money to pay for school, a guaranteed paycheck.. well, for me, it all seemed worth it. I could get on with my life and move out of my parents house. Even if it meant going to war. Or so I'd thought.

Then the recruiter asked me what part of the army I was interested in. He suggested, perhaps, airborne infantry, "You wanna jump outta planes and shoot people?". The way he said it - the casual manner in which he talked about killing made me go cold all over. It was at that moment that I realized I didn't really have the nerve - nor the desire, to get involved. I hadn't believed in the war from the start, but I'd been desperate enough to attempt to enlist anyway.

I'm not a pacifist, if it came down to defending myself or my family, I believe I wouldn't hesitate to do what I had to. If we were involved in a just, necessary war, I may have signed on regardless of my misgivings. All things considered though, I decided I just couldn't do it.

I think the man realized as he said those words something of the effect it had on me. He quickly changed the manner in which he'd been talking and suggested using me in intelligence instead. In a place where I could sit comfortably and safely, blah blah blah. I wasn't really listening at that point. Truth is, I'm kind of a coward and was finally scared shitless at what I'd almost gotten into.

For weeks afterwards old friends from school called me - young men who'd joined the army (at the direction of recruiters, commanding officers, I don't know the details, but they knew I'd spoken with a recruiter). I felt even more cowardly than I really am as I refused, and when I see them now I still some times feel as if they are snickering behind my back. One of them in particular told me straight out that I was a weakling.

I still feel an obligation - and always have, to some extent, to join up. My people are dying out there, is my life worth anymore than theirs? No. My Grandfather was a Marine, a damned good one too, and I wonder what he'd think of me.

Still, I know this war isn't right. I know we aren't over there for just reasons. I know how this administration is fucking up our Country. So I feel sorry for that man, for I could have been him. And while I realize how wretched what we're doing over there is (both for our people and for theirs) I cannot help but feel cowardly for backing out.

I can only imagine how he feels. He has my sympathy - and I certainly hope he will be well treated. I wish he could have stayed safely in Canada.