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calimary

(80,700 posts)
55. I am SUPER lucky to have the guy I wound up with, Hekate! He passed my "condom test."
Sat Oct 1, 2016, 05:54 PM
Oct 2016

Okay, we're getting kinda personal here, but I would like to put this on the record, in case there are any younger women struggling with date/mate choices who might read this or someone here who did feels like it might be relevant to pass along.

He jumped more hurdles than just this one, but this one was KEY. Seems to me it tells a woman more - of the seriously significant things that really count - about a potential male partner than anything else. It's a challenge and a metaphor.

I didn't have that many lovers as a young woman. A few. But I put every one of them through "the condom test." I'd make that clear, at the point in the relationship where the activity or discussion started leaning toward sex. The deal was - I've learned I cannot handle "the Pill." My body and my mental equilibrium both go completely haywire. So if I was ever gonna have "fun", it would fall to my partner to handle this aspect of it. I was willing to explore pretty much any kind of "fun" but he'd have to provide the protection. If he was willing, as Hillary did during the debate, "WHOA! OKAY!" Shimmy-shimmy-shimmy-shimmy! If he wasn't, Buh-BYE. If he was willing, that told me he was far more likely to be generous and thoughtful and unselfish and considerate of other things that were also important to me, and he would make room in his agenda for me and mine. He would accommodate my wishes, needs, or concerns or my view of things. Any guy who refused or gave me an "I don't do that" told me that in other situations, it'd be all about him, my needs or concerns need not apply - and there'd be little sensitivity or thoughtfulness about taking what I wanted or needed into consideration. And it's hard to build a life together with somebody who's like that - if what you want is an equal, shared, hand-in-hand life-partnership.

I was surprised to see how much willingness there was. How there were a few who were happy to cooperate. I wasn't surprised by some others who just couldn't "lower" or "inconvenience" themselves because they had to be able to "feel it". Well, what about me? Where do I fit in there? I guess I don't. So okay for you, dude. Go be Donald Trump or something. My guy was SUPER eager to please in this regard, and he practically raided the drug store for a variety of - uh - samples to bring to the - uh - table, shall we say?

It's like having your own "Sorting Hat", with apologies to Harry Potter. The guy who says "yes" to this is WELL WORTH KEEPING - maybe even longterm! The guy who is unwilling - buh-BYE. You're too full of yourself and you just proved that there's no room in there for me.

My guy and I marked Year 40 together, a few months back, btw. It's still workin'!

Ok Conservative Christians, I'm looking at you. Gonna vote for the Pro-Choicer? NightWatcher Oct 2016 #1
A Conservative Christian's Entire Life Is Hypocrisy Yallow Oct 2016 #9
Conservative Christian is an oxymoran. Coyotl Oct 2016 #13
EXACTLY. Christ was as liberal as you can get... a fact which is totally lost on right wingers groundloop Oct 2016 #25
Hence, The Beatitudes... LakeVermilion Oct 2016 #27
YEP! THERE IT IS! calimary Oct 2016 #30
Amen! to that... LakeVermilion Oct 2016 #63
Yep. Emilybemily Oct 2016 #53
Like many STFU Donny supporters they don't read shadowmayor Oct 2016 #35
This will be the spin...He evolved SummerSnow Oct 2016 #58
He's not pro-choice for anyone but himself. (nt) ehrnst Oct 2016 #59
That poor kid. smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #2
Has anybody noticed on some of these websites, along the bottom or over on one side calimary Oct 2016 #31
Just think of all the lives he's destroyed. smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #43
Marla didn't get pregnant until after the divorce TexasBushwhacker Oct 2016 #56
Trapped Scarsdale Oct 2016 #47
So DU is allowing "slut-shaming" now? TalkingDog Oct 2016 #49
Yes, but how do you think Tiffany feels knowing that her father wanted to smirkymonkey Oct 2016 #50
I don't know if I can feel worse for Tiffany wheniwasincongress Oct 2016 #3
I actually do. I know how that feels. calimary Oct 2016 #34
It's soul-destroying for girls ... Hekate Oct 2016 #51
I am SUPER lucky to have the guy I wound up with, Hekate! He passed my "condom test." calimary Oct 2016 #55
And yeah, Hekate, I noticed that convention-night body language, too. calimary Oct 2016 #57
I have three daughters. You should make this an OP. rug Oct 2016 #52
I'm sorry you went through that. area51 Oct 2016 #67
You are a beautiful human being Calimary. Ligyron Oct 2016 #68
As much as I would like the video to be clear exboyfil Oct 2016 #4
Maybe he was trying PatSeg Oct 2016 #17
That is very easily spinnable meadowlark5 Oct 2016 #26
This message was self-deleted by its author Bernardo de La Paz Oct 2016 #41
Inconclusive, imo Rose Siding Oct 2016 #5
guess we now have an idea why she is worth $1mm while his other kids are worth $150mm each. unblock Oct 2016 #6
He Could Easily Spin This Clip erpowers Oct 2016 #7
It's not up to him on whether to have an abortion or not. LisaL Oct 2016 #8
K&R... spanone Oct 2016 #10
The more I learn about Trump, the more appalled I am. vlyons Oct 2016 #11
I know exactly how you feel ailsagirl Oct 2016 #45
Please can we get him defeated without dragging this onto TV? lostnfound Oct 2016 #12
I agree but actions speak louder than words maryellen99 Oct 2016 #14
unfortunately that horse has left the barn but I am horrified for his daughter elehhhhna Oct 2016 #16
I guess I don't see the direct link from quote to abortion Vilis Veritas Oct 2016 #15
Please, its clear Jon King Oct 2016 #18
The only thing that is clear to me is he married her. Vilis Veritas Oct 2016 #60
ackety lonestarnot Oct 2016 #19
Let's please not go there...we can win this without going this low. Chakaconcarne Oct 2016 #20
I think the message is: Trump had a choice that he now does not want women to have. riversedge Oct 2016 #21
Maybe to people who are pro choice already loyalsister Oct 2016 #33
Sorry, too risky Jon King Oct 2016 #22
The Low stuff does not work with Trump HipChick Oct 2016 #28
Yes I agree and feel sorry for Tiffany. classykaren Oct 2016 #42
Thank You!!! DianaForRussFeingold Oct 2016 #62
We didn't need this to invalidate Trump. And neither does Tiffany Trump . . . MrModerate Oct 2016 #23
No one put the words in Trump's mouth.. HipChick Oct 2016 #29
Perhaps. But this clogs my ick-O-meter. n/t MrModerate Oct 2016 #44
If elected he could take away choice and healthcare especially for low income women LynneSin Oct 2016 #37
It is so important to GOTV HipChick Oct 2016 #39
Nothing here way too ambiguous nt Dream Girl Oct 2016 #24
He IS political pornography--no redeeming social value, whatsoever. catbyte Oct 2016 #32
Wealthy have no problem banning abortions LynneSin Oct 2016 #36
Trump was for abortions before he was against them (to repurpose old Republican slur). . . . nt Bernardo de La Paz Oct 2016 #38
Trump against jailing women, then for, then against, now for jailing women for abortions again. nt Bernardo de La Paz Oct 2016 #40
He flaunted Maples IN CHURCH!! His first public appearance before Ivana knew. SleeplessinSoCal Oct 2016 #46
there are no limits to his self serving hypocrisy. bench scientist Oct 2016 #48
I was talking to a conservative Christian lady bmstee01 Oct 2016 #54
Facepalmed in real life Oneironaut Oct 2016 #61
There is a human being in the room and her name is Tiffany. Hello, anyone? YOHABLO Oct 2016 #64
#1 - That may or may not have been what he meant. But #2....... WillowTree Oct 2016 #65
As much as I don't want to see a trump presidency.. Reece2076 Oct 2016 #66
Trump was pro-choice where it mattered Gothmog Oct 2016 #69
Right to Choose to Abort Your Baby sweet-salty Oct 2016 #70
Welcome to DU. Are you now not pro-choice? uppityperson Oct 2016 #71
The rights in our Republic originate in the Constitution, including overlooking that. fleabiscuit Oct 2016 #72
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