I had a personally staggering, explosive weekend - in a good way. Wanted to share. Adoptees note.

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92. Welcome to DU, greatlaurel!

Glad you're here! I'm still dumbfounded. I've read about these stories for many years but it took dozens of years to gather up the courage to do something about it in my own case. I guess I was always afraid of failure - afraid that, well, starting a search, getting one's hopes up, and what if I couldn't find anything? What if my search led me to a dead end? I will say this - anybody who would try this, I'd recommend getting professional help.

This woman, this "adoption specialist" with whom I contracted, was recommended to me by a longtime close friend whom I trusted, and she sure was happy with her results. I even tried to search, initially, by myself, and I got back this thick envelope of paperwork from the state of Missouri, and it was frustrating and daunting and I didn't know how to fill a lot of it out, and didn't know anybody in the state government, and it was scary - especially since I frankly expected to fail. You get to that big hard door that's shut in your face - "...it's a closed state" - and it's a hurdle that's put in your way that I think is meant to seem so formidable so maybe searchers will be discouraged and go away, and the secrets remain safe. But heck, those who needed such "protection" may be long gone, and if YOU are the one who's left standing there, and you still want to find answers, well, I'm just so grateful there were options like these.

I hope my journey will encourage somebody else here, or elsewhere, who's hesitant but longing for answers, and may just be fearful that they'll come up empty-handed. Maybe, just maybe, you WON'T!!!