ok, here goes...

[one_voice]

I'm not going to talk about my sexual assault yet. Not ready for that.

There's been some talk about domestic violence in GD and other places. So I'm going to talk a little about that. Not too much.

My mom married a man that beat her--it was a short but very violent marriage. She did try and get away from him. She called the police, but this was during a time when men were told to take a walk. But for my mother, she was treated unbelievably cruel, she was a white woman that dared marry a black man--the police told her she deserved what she got.

My grandmother paid the man to leave her, he took the money (and a beating from a friend of granny) and left. When the money was gone he was back.

Mom moved and was able to hide for a while. Then he found her. And it started all over again.

He never beat my me or my brother.

I remember my mom begging him to stop. The bruises, the blood, the tears.

The gun shot.

He shot my mom. She'd bought a gun. You can guess what for. He found it and used it on her.

He had her pinned to the bed. Pointed the gun in her face and pulled the trigger.

I don't know how she did it, but she manged to get free enough that bullet got the side of her face down by her jaw. It was more than a graze, but not too 'deep'.

She still has the scar there. That's one of the ones you can see.

We were lucky we got away. My mom married a wonderful man (this is who I'm talking about when I talk about my dad) who never raised a hand in anger to her or the kids.

Ok, enough for now.




If anyone else wants to share about domestic violence please feel free.

[Betsy Ross]

1. We are here.

To offer support when needed.
So glad it worked out for your mom and family.
Healing can take a lifetime.

[Sissyk]

2. one_voice, I am so happy your mom,

brother, and you got through that. And, that she was able to find a wonderful man that you felt good about calling dad. After living through something like that, it's very hard to trust again. I'm glad you could.

One step at a time, one_voice. One step at a time!

[In_The_Wind]

3. I'm glad your mom lived through being shot to find happiness.

It was a lucky break that both you and your brother were unharmed by your mom's first husband.



I grew up watching (being a part of) my stepmothers fights with my father. It always started out the same way ... way too much booze. Both stepmothers (the 1st one died from complications caused by cirrhosis of the liver) would hit my father's head and face until he retaliated. So many times I tried to stop the fighting only to become a part of it. Domestic violence hurts every member of the family.

Be kind to yourself.

[theyuseitagainstyou]

4. My grandfather beat my grandmother, my father beat me and my mother, and

some of my exes beat me.

My dad also beat me, but not my brothers or sisters. I don't know why. He also sexually abused me, my older sister, and some of our family friends.

My dad used to brag about knowing how to hurt without leaving bruises. He would threaten to kill us all. He would take out his shotgun and threaten to kill us, my mom and us kids. He hit her in the head with a frying pan one time (so cliche, isn't it?) and we kids went to the neighbors. That was one of the many times the cops came out. They never did anything. I'm sure it was the neighbors who called. My mom was afraid he'd kill her if she did, so she never did anything.

My great grandfather molested my grandmother. My grandfather molested my mother and some of her sisters. One of my aunt's (mom's sister's) husbands molested my cousin. And of course my dad molested me and others, too.

Sexual abuse within families is so much more common than people think. And it often goes hand in hand with domestic violence.

I hate when people make jokes about incest. It isn't funny. There's nothing funny about it. When you see really dysfunctional families, and think about making jokes about how messed up they are, take a moment to consider that there very well might be a lot of shit going on with them that you don't know about. Painful shit. Shit that can fuck you up for life, and those who manage to survive often end up being labeled as broken or fucked up by people who don't realize how wrong that is, having their thoughts and feelings branded with a special label indicating that they aren't completely valid opinions or thoughts, because that person saying them is broken and fucked up.

It breaks my heart when people offer pat advice, like simply saying don't be a victim. What am I supposed to do? This is why so many of us try to kill ourselves. Most more than once. Some eventually succeed.

I wish people would not offer advice to just get over it or just move on until they have walked in that person's shoes. They assume they know, but they don't. Because most of us won't tell. The luckiest of us can't even remember.


Much of this stuff I've never said to anyone. I've told some to therapists and counselors, who are helpful in varying degrees. Saying it out loud, though, is so much harder.

Thanks for this place. I watched a documentary about abuse and molestation last night and it really messed me up. I needed to get some of this out. It really hurt to see a family so much like my own. It hurts to know how that feels, and know how many people go through this, most with little to no help.

[Sissyk]

5. Welcome to this group, theyuseitagainstyou.

No one here will tell you to move on or get over it.

[theyuseitagainstyou]

6. Thank you Sissyk.

When I can post a thread I'd like to post a link to that documentary. It's extremely triggering and painful, but everything about it is, and for people with similar backgrounds as me it helps to know you're not alone and that there are some people who understand.

[In_The_Wind]

7. I'm so sorry that you were abused.

Thank you for having the courage to tell us about it.

There is so much about my childhood that I still cannot remember.
I don't want to remember any more.

We are here anytime you need someone to talk to.

[one_voice]

8. Welcome to the group.

I happen to agree with you sometimes just saying it helps. Though, getting up the courage to say it all, well, that's another story.

You were very brave to come in and tell your story, thank you for sharing.

[FedUpWithIt All]

11. Welcome to DU theyuseitagainstyou

Thank you for being courageous enough to share this here. It is understandable that it is still so painful. I'm sorry that you've been hurt like that.

[olddots]

9. one of the best ways to stop hurting is to break the chains

Its not easy because you have to go back to those places that should be left behind but your strength gets returned when you break the ties and chains so you can give yourself the break you deserve . Its not your fault, you were not weak , and you are the good person with reasoning power that wants it to stop forever.

[FedUpWithIt All]

10. I'm sorry one_voice

I'm glad that your mother was safe and that she had the courage to seek better.


I'm sorry about the memory. Fractures of the sort are difficult healers. Peace to you.