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ismnotwasm

(41,921 posts)
Thu Apr 18, 2013, 11:48 PM Apr 2013

Responses to the Shit Men Say in Defense of Street Harassment

During our Anti-Street Harassment chalk party last week, Anthonine and I spoke to guys, young and old about why it’s wrong to harass women in the streets. It was both entertaining and sobering to hear the many different ways they defended their right to engage in this behavior. More importantly however, it was enlightening. It made it clear that there is a huge disconnect on what is and isn’t appropriate language to use with strangers. Men seemed genuinely shocked and confused that the way they spoke to women in the streets was considered harassment. It made it clear that we have our work cut out for us and that ongoing inter-gender and intergenerational dialogue must be the cornerstone of our anti-street harassment work. This article is an attempt to address that confusion.

Almost every man we spoke to felt the remarks made to women in the streets were “harmless” and were an attempt at being neighborly. When we asked whether they were similarly neighborly to other men, their defense fell apart. They pointed out the absurdity of infringing on someone’s personal space in public in that way. Yet when we pointed out that these gender-based unsolicited remarks are street harassment by definition, they adamantly disagreed. While they were difficult, we realized that each one of these conversations was a step towards a harassment free neighborhood.


http://brooklynmovementcenter.org/post/responses-to-the-shit-men-say-in-defense-of-street-harassment/
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geek tragedy

(68,868 posts)
2. Also: they don't dare make those comments to women who are in the presence of a man.
Fri Apr 19, 2013, 10:10 AM
Apr 2013

Because they know there'd be trouble, potentially big trouble.

My wife gets it walking to/from the subway when I'm not with her. The 75 year old guys with canes or walkers, it's kind of funny to her (and the other women in our building).

The 20-something guys who think it's funny to "step to" women passing by, notsomuch.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
8. i do not think the old man is funny anymore either. having been a waitress for years and
Sun Apr 21, 2013, 11:46 AM
Apr 2013

having to smile at their creepy attempts of sexualizing me to earn my pay, i see nothing cute in them.

 

geek tragedy

(68,868 posts)
11. I can't judge either situation,
Sun Apr 21, 2013, 12:02 PM
Apr 2013

in our neighborhood's case there are overlapping issues of race, class, culture, gentrification etc. In some cases, hello just means hello but is not taken that way. One of the constant complaints about "new people" in our neighborhood is that they don't act friendly, say hello, etc.

We once had someone stand outside our window telling my wife to close the shades. Didn't occur to him how disturbing that might be.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
12. ah. i hear ya. the thing. i am ultimate in friendly with strangers, both genders. i like people.
Sun Apr 21, 2013, 12:14 PM
Apr 2013

which is odd cause i am such an isolationist.

a contradiction my kids laugh about a lot.

i chat with all. and really, it is easy to see where a person is coming from. maybe having experienced it for decades.

but, i hear ya.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
3. "Try to understand that this is not about your attempt to be polite.
Fri Apr 19, 2013, 10:38 AM
Apr 2013

Women are at war in these streets."

This. This is why I can't fucking stand people who defend this, saying men are just being nice, and anyone who complains is being overly sensitive.

ismnotwasm

(41,921 posts)
5. Yes!
Fri Apr 19, 2013, 11:57 AM
Apr 2013

Thank God for the 'real' good men who 'get it'--instead of that tiresome arguing, they're out there being proactive, not sitting behind a keyboard and whining about being picked on.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
7. excellent and true. and while mens faces are stuck in front of the computer and they are continually
Sun Apr 21, 2013, 11:44 AM
Apr 2013

rewarded and reassured that talking about women in this manner is simply a compliment, they will continue to be confused.

and dateless. and womanless.

then have a chip on shoulder and say... why????

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