“You’re not like most women” is not a compliment!

[redqueen]

Telling me that I’m not like most women–I’m more logical, rational, calm, unemotional, etc–is not a compliment.

It’s an insult to my gender and my sex. You’re telling me my good qualities are an anomaly based on who I am. You’re asking me to dismember myself. To separate my intelligence from the rest of me. From my gender identity and from my vagina.

...

I see through this not-so-subtle attack on other women. Women who I love and respect. I see that you’re trying to divide us.

You’re trying to get me on your side. Trying to get me to oppress my own gender and sex. Trying to convince me that I’m immune to this oppression as long as I don’t get “too” angry, “too” emotional…as long as I don’t talk about who I am “too” much.

You’re trying to control me. Praising me when I’m safe, hoping to prevent me from acting in ways that make you uncomfortable.

...

http://sarahoverthemoon.com/2012/10/15/youre-not-like-most-women-is-not-a-compliment/

[upaloopa]

1. You not like most men, you are sensitive.

Works both ways

[redqueen]

3. Both sexes have gender roles that are reinforced to one extent or another.

Women are rewarded and treated as 'special' by society in general for certain so-called 'masculine' behaviors (but not others, or not in all situations).

Men are mostly demonized for so-called 'feminine' behaviors by society in general, though this does seem to be changing, finally.

Basically it comes down to this: "gender" bullshit is stupid and destructive.

[upaloopa]

4. I agree

[Luminous Animal]

6. I'd like to see you elaborate on that. How does it make you feel?

[upaloopa]

7. Personally I like that I have been seen by women as sensitive,

I am a very emotional person and I feel empathy for other people. I'm glad that I am that way. I think a lot of men are like me but won't admit it even to themselves because they were taught that men should be tough and unemotional. The difference with me is I don't feel the need to hide feelings. I wish none of us felt that having emotions is a weakness.
So I don't feel bad if a women said that to me because I hope she was sensitive too and we would have that to share.

[redqueen]

8. I do hope you might consider using such opportunities as teachable moments.

Doesn't have to be combative or nasty... just a simple, 'Actually, many men are sensitive, but are conditioned to hide it, if not cut that part of themselves out entirely, in order to fit into society's idea of what it means to be a man'

I wish more people would take a moment to consider the emotional damage we are doing to children by encouraging them to think of some of their perfectly acceptable characteristics as bad or wrong.

[upaloopa]

9. I agree. Sadly we are teaching our whole society

that it is ok to not care about the other person

[redqueen]

10. Helpful in a capitalist society. nt

[CrispyQ]

17. A ton of truth in that statement!

Which came first, capitalism or the patriarchy? How do they impact each other? If we take out one, will the other fall or be dealt a blow? And where does organized religion fit into all of this, cuz it's in there, too.

[redqueen]

20. My take is patriarchy came first.

Its roots are primitive. Next came religion, which codified patriarchy as handed down from the gods. Then capitalism

There's a lot of research into the ways that patriarchy, religion, and capitalism are interrelated. Lots of interesting reading there.

[seabeyond]

11. that is the ridiculousness of it all. two brothers and a father for a lifetime telling me they are

men, and they simply do not have emotion. as they call me regularly, with emotion, legitimate reason for emotion, and me walking them thru it. a husband that is the same. friends. confidents. and yet, i have two boys that readily admit to emotion, can identify and express. cause they were allowed.

this is one of the silliness, in the masculine code.

i cannot tell you the number of times i have had men and boys, coming to me in tears of pain, hurt and fear.

[redqueen]

16. And then they turn around and bellyache about their shorter life spans.

Well maybe if you learned to deal with stress like a human fucking being instead of a manly robot macho he-man moron you'd fucking live longer, dumbass.

But that's what women liiiiike! they whine. Well lots of men like women who are all about looks and play dumb to make men feel smart, but you don't see me crying about that. Grow the fuck up.

[CrispyQ]

18. lol lol lol!!

Love the whole post, but this was perfect:

...instead of a manly robot macho he-man moron you'd fucking live longer, dumbass.

[redqueen]

21. lol... I just get so tired of it.

Women still have a lot of work to do with respect to de-prioritizing so-called 'femininity'.

The cult of masculinity, though, damn... way way WAY overdue for some serious work.

[seabeyond]

22. yup. lol. so true. nt

[Deep13]

2. Reminds me of Coulter's "We're not very bright" remark.

I have the honor of studying history under several brilliant, female professors. One knows five languages including Kurdish. Another one also knows a lot of languages, but they are mostly different ones. As a side note, they are also kind, compassionate, very helpful in addition to being rational, calm, and logical. (I don't think "unemotional" is a virtue for men or women).

While suggesting someone is different by itself is not an insult, the implication is that you are not a "normal" woman. Also, as you said, it also implies these qualities are not normal for the feminine gender. A friend of mine from high school complained about this once. Someone told her how remarkable it was that she is in such good shape for her age, not like most women. She said she had been an athlete her whole life and resented the suggestion that it was odd for a middle age woman and mother.

[ismnotwasm]

5. And who knows 'most' women?

Or 'most' men?

Exactly no one.

[Nikia]

12. I consider it an insult for women in general

I remember being told by a male ex coworker that I was very intellectual for a woman. I replied that I had gone to college with a lot of intellectual women.
I never made up with my husband's friend that said that men only talk to women to get sex or because they have to in the case of family or wives or girlfriends of male friends. I was rather hurt by that comment personally because I thought that he was my friend too. When he relayed through my husband that I was actually one of the few women that he enjoyed talking to, it didn't really make me want to forgive him. For different reasons, my husband stopped hanging out with him, but I don't know if I could be friends with a guy that is that misogynistic even if he likes me as person.

[redqueen]

14. I've heard that from many men.

Goes hand in hand with the 'men don't want to be just friends with women, they want to screw them or they don't like them/want anything to do with them'.

[sufrommich]

13. Just as bad as the "I don't get along with other women" or

" I get along better with men than other women" Every time I hear a woman say something like that I want to ask her what caused such gender driven self hatred.It's just pathetic really.

[redqueen]

15. The same thing we all go through, the constant indoctrination that female = less than.

Who wants to be that? Think of all the messages that reinforce that idea (they are ubiquitous, insidious). The worst insult for a boy is to insinuate that he has characteristics associated with girls or women.

It's a natural reaction, but it is sad. Very sad.

[CrispyQ]

19. I love female bosses!

Maybe I'm a better judge of character, because I have landed with some really outstanding female bosses! I'm always perplexed by women who claim that they don't like working for women. Like you, I want to ask why? What was so bad, or have you just been conditioned to think that demanding female bosses are bitches, but demanding male bosses are hard chargers?

My female bosses have also been more generous at review time, & I've wondered if it is sometimes due to the fact that they have difficulty finding employees who will work with them & appreciate that I do.

[seabeyond]

23. if there is a chip on the shoulder, and too often there is, it does not matter how good

fair or patient that woman boss is, she will be a witch