Diagnosis: Human

[groovedaddy]

THE news that 11 percent of school-age children now receive a diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder — some 6.4 million — gave me a chill. My son David was one of those who received that diagnosis.

In his case, he was in the first grade. Indeed, there were psychiatrists who prescribed medication for him even before they met him. One psychiatrist said he would not even see him until he was medicated. For a year I refused to fill the prescription at the pharmacy. Finally, I relented. And so David went on Ritalin, then Adderall, and other drugs that were said to be helpful in combating the condition.

In another age, David might have been called “rambunctious.” His battery was a little too large for his body. And so he would leap over the couch, spring to reach the ceiling and show an exuberance for life that came in brilliant microbursts.

As a 21-year-old college senior, he was found on the floor of his room, dead from a fatal mix of alcohol and drugs. The date was Oct. 18, 2011.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/03/opinion/diagnosis-human.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20130403&_r=0

[SheilaT]

1. I am so sorry.

I know I cannot begin to understand your pain.

My oldest, who had trouble concentrating in school, was slow learning to read, had social impairments, was diagnosed with ADD in about 1993. (He was about 11 then.) We put him on the medication. He was NOT "rambunctious". He was shy, somewhat withdrawn, very smart, but socially impaired. The Ritalin seemed to help, but my son complained about the way it made him feel. After some months, maybe a year, we simply stopped having him take it.

In 2000 a friend of mine, when I was telling her about my son, said, "I think he probably has Asperger's. You should look it up." I went to the internets, and it was as if they'd studied him before they wrote the DSM about it.

Even twenty years ago I was bothered by the diminishing lack of acceptance of kids who are different. We're not talking actual out-of-control kids, but just kids who "march to a different drummer." It sounds as if that's what your son was.

I am appalled at the medical establishment. Any psychiatrist who wouldn't see him until he'd been medicated for a full year is (in my humble opinion) incompetent and full of shit. Not that it matters any more.

ADD-HD is real. I've known more than one kid with it, and they really do need and benefit from medication. But some kids aren't really ADD-HD. There is a continuum of normal behavior that includes "rambunctious".

I have two sons, no daughters. It seemed to me from fairly early on that girls and boys are sufficiently different that maybe we should be educating them separately, at least in the early years. Even though I'm a woman and so I understand the female perspective fairly well, I think we do both our sons and our daughters wrong by treating them as if they are exactly alike. They're not. That's actually wonderful. Adult women have been rightfully complaining for a long time that the default correct behavior in the world is a male behavior. But the default behavior in elementary school is apparently a female behavior, to the huge detriment of boys.

When will we learn to cherish the differences, rather than punish them?

As for my son, it turned out he has Asperger's Syndrome, which presents its own challenges. I'm actually glad there is no medication for it. He's now 30, back in school completing a degree in physics. Life will not be easy for him (is it really for any of us?) but I think he'll do okay in the long run.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.