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Yooperman

(592 posts)
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 02:50 AM Apr 2013

56 years old.. ... I finally came out to my Brother....

It was a very emotional night for me. Being the 2nd oldest and now the oldest of 15 children ... admitting to one of my younger Brothers that I was gay was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in this lifetime. My one older Brother passed away in 2008 with him being only 15 months older than myself. I could never talk to him about my feelings even though we were as close as Brothers can be. But it was a different culture and I could never discuss this issue with him. Being raised by a Father that made it known how against "gays" that he was... I have lived my entire life in fear of allowing my family to know my inner most feelings. After being married for over 30 years and raising two wonderful Daughters... I have finally told a Brother my secret. I separated from my wife 2 years ago as my wife understood my feelings and couldn't quite cope with them.

I just wanted to let others know that life is short.... and we can't be anyone else than who we are. A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders tonight with my Brother accepted me for who I am! I can't say the same will be true for all my other siblings as some are fundamentalists in the Christian religion. But ...knowing that I have ONE Brother that will not reject me for who I am is more than I can ask for and brings me to tears.

Peace

Ym

30 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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56 years old.. ... I finally came out to my Brother.... (Original Post) Yooperman Apr 2013 OP
HAPPY FOR YOU Yooperman! Skittles Apr 2013 #1
Thanks.... Yooperman Apr 2013 #2
Good for you, Yooperman. LuvNewcastle Apr 2013 #3
Thank you for your kind words... Yooperman Apr 2013 #15
Cheers to you. MadamYes Apr 2013 #4
Yes it does... Yooperman Apr 2013 #16
Wow! Rhiannon12866 Apr 2013 #5
Thanks... yes it was... Yooperman Apr 2013 #17
I have to say that your post choked me up, too... Rhiannon12866 Apr 2013 #20
Cheers to you! Yooperman Apr 2013 #27
People come out as gay all the time Mopar151 Apr 2013 #6
LOL... yes it does... Yooperman Apr 2013 #18
Very courageous. Fridays Child Apr 2013 #7
Thanks! Yooperman Apr 2013 #19
Oh man..what a long road you have had. dixiegrrrrl Apr 2013 #8
Thanks Yooperman Apr 2013 #21
Recommended. William769 Apr 2013 #9
You must be feel Helen Reddy Apr 2013 #10
Yep.... each of us travels Yooperman Apr 2013 #22
Congratulations uriel1972 Apr 2013 #11
Well as I stated above... Yooperman Apr 2013 #23
Congratulations MNBrewer Apr 2013 #12
Thanks Yooperman Apr 2013 #26
Good for you, Yoop mitchtv Apr 2013 #13
Thanks! Yooperman Apr 2013 #25
Wow. Smart move: You know who really loves you, now. One is enough. It really is. lindysalsagal Apr 2013 #14
Thanks Yooperman Apr 2013 #24
Lucky girls, your daughters. lindysalsagal Apr 2013 #28
great for you dsc Apr 2013 #29
Congratulations! Fearless Apr 2013 #30

LuvNewcastle

(16,820 posts)
3. Good for you, Yooperman.
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 03:51 AM
Apr 2013

I hope you have a long life ahead of you in which you can relax and be yourself.

MadamYes

(23 posts)
4. Cheers to you.
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 03:59 AM
Apr 2013

Coming out takes as long as it takes, and the circumstances are different for everyone. Welcome to your new beginning !

Yooperman

(592 posts)
16. Yes it does...
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:20 AM
Apr 2013

It certainly is different for each person... yet the feeling of relief I am sure is the same for most.

Thanks for your understanding and kind words.

Rhiannon12866

(202,970 posts)
20. I have to say that your post choked me up, too...
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:25 AM
Apr 2013

What a life-changing day for you, kudos on your courage and here's to a new relationship with your brother...

Yooperman

(592 posts)
21. Thanks
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:28 AM
Apr 2013

I can't say I truly lived in "fear". I was able to have a wonderful marriage for 30 plus years. So it wasn't like I needed to show that side of me. My wife and I worked well together as parents and our focus was to be the best parents we could for our children. I think we succeeded.

But once the girls were in college and that focus diminished some... we knew it was time for us to separate. So I moved back to my home area and for the last two years have been able to look at that part of myself again. To try to understand more who I am and accept it.

Peace,

YM

 

Helen Reddy

(998 posts)
10. You must be feel
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 09:24 AM
Apr 2013

like a gazillion bucks right about now. We are all so happy for you!

When I came out as a Lesbian at the ripe old age of 12, my mom looked at me and simply said this, "I know"

So not having a family issue gave me great confidence for the rest of my growing up in a not-so-friendly enviornment at times.

Have a peaceful rest of your life my brother!

Yooperman

(592 posts)
22. Yep.... each of us travels
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:39 AM
Apr 2013

our own individual journey. Having raised two Daughters I can understand your Mothers reaction to you telling her that you were a lesbian. Of course me having an understanding of being gay helped me not judging my Daughters and teaching them that all people should be respected for who they are. Both my wife and I suspected our youngest Daughter could be gay. She showed signs early on with her appearance and actions that she could be. We of course didn't encourage her nor discouraged her... just allowing her to make her own choice. She had her share of boyfriends and never did embrace the lesbian side of herself.... but as an adult she has a "best" friend that really could develop into a more serious relationship someday. They love each other dearly and I even expressed my feelings to her last fall that if she ever decided to pursue that relationship I would totally support it. Anyway... thanks for your comment

Peace

Ym

uriel1972

(4,261 posts)
11. Congratulations
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 09:47 AM
Apr 2013

I have yet to come out to my family and wonder if I ever will. You have a great deal of courage and thankfully it was rewarded.

Yooperman

(592 posts)
23. Well as I stated above...
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:41 AM
Apr 2013

We all travel our own individual journey. We learn and grow.... for some people they never have to come out to anyone. But for me it was the right time ... the right place and the right Brother. Someone who has proven to me that he would accept me no matter what.

Good luck on your journey...

Ym

Yooperman

(592 posts)
25. Thanks!
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:52 AM
Apr 2013

Experience is our only true teacher! We experience... we learn.. we grow...

Thanks for the kind words.

Ym

lindysalsagal

(20,433 posts)
14. Wow. Smart move: You know who really loves you, now. One is enough. It really is.
Sun Apr 14, 2013, 01:36 PM
Apr 2013

Bravo.

When will you tell your daughters?

Yooperman

(592 posts)
24. Thanks
Mon Apr 15, 2013, 03:51 AM
Apr 2013

I had already crossed that bridge a few years ago. Once my Daughters were adults ... I think they were 19 and 20 at the time. I had always had an open and honest relationship with both. Having taken them out on "Daddy Daughter" dates from the time they were preschool. I had told them on these dates we could talk about anything and everything and I would not judge them or get angry...but would listen and do my best to address any concerns they might have at the time.

But the reverse was also true.... I was able to talk to them about my feelings and concerns and even though I waited till they were older... they accepted me for who I am. I just had to wait for the right time and place....

They are now in their mid twenties and nothing has changed. They appreciate me for who I am a very caring and compassionate Father... who cries at the drop of a hat. But they know I would never judge them and accept them for who they are and the journey they have chosen for themselves.

Each and every lifetime we learn new things from new experiences. This time around I learned about being humble and non-judgmental.

Peace

YM

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