Coworker is about seven months pregnant and smokes like a champ

[Orrex]

At least one cigarette on her morning and her afternoon break, and at least two over her lunch hour, plus god knows how many when she's not at work. I know her well enough to say "hi" as we pass in the hall, but we aren't exactly friends.

What do you think when you encounter such a situation?


I'm not looking for "mind your own business" answers, because I haven't said a word to her about it. I'm simply wondering how others might respond if they likewise witnessed a coworker behaving in this manner.

Thanks!

[In_The_Wind]

1. Suggest that her smoking will harm her unborn child's health.

And be prepared for her to tell you to fuck-off. No doubt, she has already heard the truth before.

[hollysmom]

2. people used to do it all the time, My mother smoked through all her pregnancies and we all lived.

I would not say anything because she has probably heard it all. I might exchange a little more than hi, like how are you feeling.

[840high]

52. Back in the 60's - I smoked - healthy child.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

3. The Doctor told my sister to cut down but not to quit.

I was shocked. I was standing right there when he said it. He said since was such a heavy smoker, the stress of totally quitting such a heavy addiction as she had could cause even more harm.

I was shocked. Asked about other things to help, he said slow cut back was the best.

This could be a similar case. So I would not do anything.

[HappyMe]

4. I wouldn't say anything.

I'm sure she has heard plenty from others.

[Aristus]

5. If I were a co-worker, I'd probably not cross her on it.

If I were her primary care provider, however, I'd give her hell for it. If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people who indulge themselves at the expense of the health and safety of other people.

You're right; she probably has heard it all before, and just doesn't care about her baby's health.

Selfish shitheads are a dime a dozen...

[In_The_Wind]

8. Popularity with coworkers never was on the top of my list.

[img][/img]

[Aristus]

17. I'd love to be in the room while you were tearing her a new one.

Smokers drive me crazy...

[In_The_Wind]

31. I don't argue. I simply win.

Ask the two men in my life. Both of 'em have watched me at work when I know that I'm not wrong.
Quickly and as painless as possible. But thoroughly when safety is an issue.

[Aristus]

33. I believe that...

[In_The_Wind]

34. A boning knife

isn't any sharper

[Orrex]

54. Heh heh. You said boning.

[MrsBrady]

58. my guy friend smokes

and I never say a word, except to say once or twice that
I would support him if he wanted to stop.

and he already knows he should stop. He almost seems embarassed
about it.

He tries to quit every few weeks, but starts back up.

If I gave him hell about it, it would just make us both miserable and not really help the situation.

He smokes these Cigarillo things most of the time, so he doesn't have the normal smoke stink
that other smokers have.

I wish he would stop, but he's otherwise a good person.

[kurtzapril4]

39. Well, my mom smoked during both pregnancies

One with me, and one with my sister. We're both Fine, Fine, Fine. Oh, and when she was pregnant with me, she ate jars of Vick's Vapo-Rub, and might have had a cocktail or two.

Self righteous non-smokers drive the both of us crazy. And neither of us smoke. Cheers!

[Aristus]

42. And there were survivors or the nuking of Hiroshima, too.

But that doesn't mean I think we should bomb the city again.

"It didn't happen to me, so that means it never happens" is not terribly scientific thinking. And while you may not need to follow scientific guidelines in the course of your workday, I do. Call it self-righteous if you like; if I said to a pregnant woman: "Hell, yeah! go on and smoke as much as you like!" the Ethics Review Board would have a few words for me; and they wouldn't be "Happy Birthday".

[MadrasT]

6. While I might notice and wonder about it...

...I actually *do* believe it's none of my business, and would not say a word to her.

[sarge43]

7. Her doctor must have told her at every appointment

If she's addicted, she can't just quit. As a former smoker I can guarantee she's been told many times. When she decides she has to stop, she'll make the effort.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

9. Countless babies have been born to smoking mothers...with no ill effects...

Countless others to non-smoking mothers, with all types of problems.

I have a friend who is on an incredibly high regimen of pain killers for a destroyed back...,5 surgeries. Her pain management doctor was going to take her off the meds...,her obstetrician said 'no way'... We can prepare for a baby born with an addiction, the stress of the pain will be more harmful to mother and child. The baby was born addiction free, totally healthy, beautiful and bright!

[Orrex]

12. By that reasoning she might as well stop using a seat belt, too.

Look, I get it. My mother smoked throughout four pregnancies, and I'm pretty sure that she was puffing on one when the hit her with the epidural the morning I was born. That's not the point.

Given what we now know about the impact that smoking can have upon a baby, why would anyone risk it? I understand that smoking is an addiction, and I also understand your friend's plight. But my coworker has had at six months to give it up, even if only temporarily.

It simply baffles me.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

14. I am not condoning her behavior... I am simply saying that we don't KNOW

everything. For all you know, she may be confining herself to just those 4 cigarettes a day... at work where perhaps things are more stressful.

It is very easy to sit in judgment of others, particularly when we don't have all the facts. To how many babies have you given birth?

[Orrex]

20. So you're saying it's ok for her to smoke because I haven't given birth. Got it.

I haven't shot apples off of anyone's head with my eyes closed either, but I can understand that it's generally a bad idea.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

22. No, I'm saying that without all of the facts you should be a bit less judgmental.....

And, if you've never been pregnant, you can't know the stress that comes with being in that condition...so why look to create more? She is probably already stressed about the fact that she is smoking...

[Orrex]

24. Well, what's the limit?

Hell, she might as well start a meth habit if it helps to take the edge off. Good for her!

How much foolish behavior do she get to write off because she's stressed out and pregnant?

[Sekhmets Daughter]

25. I'd give her as much leeway as you seem to think you have as God!

Your comparisons are absurd... She is not doing meth...she is smoking 4 cigarettes a day that you know of.

[Orrex]

26. So I'm God now. I guess I'd better start believing in myself.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

27. I haven't noticed a shortage of that belief in yourself or your opinions.

Look, I'm not sure why we are even having this drawn out discussion. I don't think she should be smoking, but I am not willing to pass judgment on her...or accept the judgment of anyone else. Nor would I be willing to offer an implied criticism of her behavior. I have been pregnant...5 times in fact... She has enough on her plate without co-workers giving her crap, regardless of how well intentioned.

[Orrex]

36. So, you're free to judge me, but the pregnant smoker is above reproach. Got it.

If I were given to the same kind of bullshit pop psychology that you enjoy, I might conclude that you yourself smoked through at least one of your pregnancies, and so you bend over backwards to excuse the current smoker from judgment.

I don't have any way to know if that's correct, but I'd say that it's at least as likely to be right as is your patronizing assessment of me. Take it as you will.


Also, it appears that you haven't read the OP wherein I stated that I'm not going to approach her about it. I'm an anonymous person on an open forum discussing an anonymous coworker at an unnamed company. If that constitutes "giving her crap," then you would seem to have a preposterously low threshold for crap, except in terms of shoveling it out.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

46. I think you're engaging in more than a bit of projection.

I have little interest is pop psychology, but I recognize it when it is being thrown out there, even in disguise. No, I didn't smoke during my pregnancies, but you may conclude whatever you wish.

I did read the OP, and yes I know you stated you have no intention of saying anything to her...however, we frequently communicate disapproval without saying a word.

I hate it when I am patronizing...please accept my apology for that... I dislike being patronized, and try not to do it myself. If I came across that way I am, indeed, sorry.

I do indeed have a low tolerance for crap... as, it would seem, do you.

[Orrex]

47. Well, color me humbled

That was quite a gracious post, and I am happy to accept your apology.

I hope that you will accept my apology as well.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

49. Happy to!

I would much prefer a new friend to a new enemy!

[leftyohiolib]

13. well there you have finally absolute proof that smoking while pregnant is ok

[Sekhmets Daughter]

16. Where did I say that?

[OriginalGeek]

10. My wife was a less than pack a day smoker

but she quit the second she found out she was pregnant.

Before my mom had me she was pretty tiny - 5'3" and mayyybe 100 pounds - she tells me her doctor told her to smoke when she was pregnant to keep my weight down...I always thought that was kinda funny. I wish her smoking could keep my weight down now.

[Maine-ah]

59. I sat there with a cig in my hand...

home pregnancy test in the other. As soon as the test changed to positive, I put my smoke out. Quit cold turkey - two weeks after that it was a trigger smell that made me ill. Six years later....I'm friggin' smoking again. I'm much like your Mom - but shorter. 4'11" 110lbs. My daughter (now six) was almost 9lbs - my last weigh in before birth - 160lbs.

[leftyohiolib]

11. i would mind my own business if i encountered such a situation - no if she asked....

[kiva]

15. In the post WWII period

roughly one third of American women smoked, and the vast majority had multiple children. My mother had three of us and smoked through all three pregnancies. My oldest brother was over 10 pounds at birth, the next over 9, and I was over 8.

I am fully aware that research has shown that there are health consequences to pregnant women who smoke, but let's not pretend they are courting death and destruction for their children. If someone I was close to was pregnant and smoking, I'd consider talking to to her, but a co-worker...hell no.

[lunatica]

18. As a used-to-be-a-smoker I would say don't bother

She'll stop when she 's ready. Not before.

And if you think smokers don't know all about how bad it is you'd be wrong. It's an addiction, and it's one of the hardest to break. Every smoker has tried to quit at least once, and most of them have tried many times. It's tough.

[Kali]

19. don't worry she knows everybody is thinking WTF? and giving her looks or talking behind her back

could be better, could be worse, none ya biz fo sure


if it was a coworker of mine I would offer her some fresh fruit

[Orrex]

21. What if I leave nonsensical, pencil-drawn cartoons on her notepad?

[Kali]

23. ***snort***

[mnhtnbb]

28. Tell her if she ever wants to quit smoking to come see you

And then be prepared to offer her support.

[datasuspect]

29. get her a carton of smokes?

[Major Nikon]

40. Or a lid of weed

[dr.strangelove]

30. If you are prepared to offer her assistance, please do it

If you are just looking to lecture her or to tell her what she is doing that is wrong, I would think pretty little of you. But if you are concerned, do something to actually help. Aggressive behavior gets aggressive responses. Actual concern for the child might get a result. Do some research on the best ways for pregnant women to handle smoking, maybe call your own doctor to get their opinion, then talk to her and offer assistance. Also, get some printed information on the dangers of smoking so you have actual facts to talk to her about. If she rejects your offer, wish her the best of luck and leave the information. If you are doing this to make yourself feel better, by all means rip her a new one, but if the concern you have is really for the child, this would be a better approach. Good luck.

[Orrex]

37. Honestly, can you possibly imagine that working?

She's a coworker that I don't know well. I've been told up-thread that I have no way to understand what she's going through, so my advice--however well-intentioned--can't possibly come across as anything other than bullying or meddlesome.


I won't be talking to her about her smoking for the reasons already stated, but it still baffles me that anyone would still do it, armed with current understanding.

[dr.strangelove]

57. Of course it is bullying and meddlesome

Whenever you judge someone else's behavior by telling them what you think that they are doing wrong you are being meddlesome. While there are many different views on what makes up "bullying" I can certainly see how she would view you as bullying her if you made any contact on the issue. Nonetheless, if your goal is altruistic and centered on the child that hopefully soon will be born, you nonetheless should stand by your convictions and do it. If however yo are really doing this because you enjoy lecturing others and telling them when they are wrong, I would not do it. Whatever you choose, good luck to you.

[RebelOne]

32. I am a smoker, but each time I was pregnant,

I could not stand to even see a cigarette because they made me sick. Now even though I am 74 years old, I wish there was a way to make my body think it was pregnant, so maybe I could stop smoking.

[mokawanis]

35. I wouldn't say anything

If I didn't know her better than to just say "hi" to I'd keep my trap shut about her smoking. It's her choice, and I doubt anything I say would change it.

[Orrex]

38. That's about where I am on it

Thanks.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

41. I work like I drive a car. I stay in my lane.

[Grateful for Hope]

43. I think assume she has heard it all - including from her obstetrician

n/t

[Grateful for Hope]

44. One thing I thought to ask

is before the effects of smoking were known, and mothers smoked thinking they were doing no harm, are there any studies that compare those times to these times where smoking is deemed detrimental to the fetus? In particular, in respect to birth defects, survival rate, and overall well-being of the fetus? In other words, are there any studies that document the difference in the health of babies between maternal smokers and non-smokers?

[Ilsa]

48. I may not be completely understanding

the point of your post, but babies born to heavily-smoking mothers usually weigh less, have higher rates of stillbirth and miscarriage. Smoking impedes available oxygen to fetus, possibly causing developmental issues.

I suspect the woman has heard all of this and either doesn't care or is in denial about degree of harm it could cause her baby.

[Grateful for Hope]

51. Ok.

[Jeff R]

45. Hard to tell.

Last edited Mon Apr 29, 2013, 08:44 PM - Edit history (1)

Anything the mother puts into her system is shared with the unborn child.
Point it out to her, however I am sure she has been told by many. In her defense studies also show it is a physical addiction that is harder to quit than the physical addiction to heroin.
Guess the worst she could do would be to tell you to mind you're own business. Who knows she may thank you for you're concern.

[avebury]

50. My mother smoked through all 3 of her

pregnancies (I was No. 3). Smoking can impact a babies weight which was the one thing that did show up with me and my siblings. I was the runt of the family.

I work for the state and last year the state legislature passed a law prohibiting smoking on state property which has made it interesting for the nicotine addicted. I am not really sure what they do, perhaps go have a smoke in their car (which would still actually be a violation of the regulation if it is on state property). Anyway, it has done away with the people hanging outside smoking away.

[SpartanDem]

53. It's been seven months why bother?

[BainsBane]

55. I think, or rather know, she is endangering her baby

My brother had pneumonia 6 times by the time he was age 5 and has suffered severe allergies his entire life. I attribute it to my mother's smoking while she was pregnant with him. My cousin is allergic to just about everything, and her mother smoked and did drugs while she was pregnant. There is nothing you can do about it, but it wouldn't stop me from being concerned.

[Quantess]

56. I would wager that her kid will scream more than most babies

because baby is iritated to not get his/her nicotine fix. Then the kid will develop asthma later on.