Would you tell your ex's current SO that your ex was physically abusive?

[raccoon]

Reason I ask, friend of mine (Really!), her first husband remarried, and divorced again. The second wife
sent her a note saying, "Why didn't you tell me (about the abuse)?"

The general opinion, when this came up (it occurred 20 something years ago), was that the second wife wouldn't have
believed the first wife.

Your thoughts?

[LibertyLover]

1. Sadly, had my husband's ex told me the stuff he did

to her and the kids either before we married or before we had a child, I wouldn't have believed her. Actually, she never did tell me. I asked my stepdaughter why her mother got an order of protection against him. When she told me the stuff he did to her I was mad, but unfortunately not shocked having experienced his temper against me and my daughter once too often. I'm hoping he'll be my ex reasonably soon.

[Phentex]

2. I don't think she would have believed...

people are funny that way.

[Raven]

3. I would tell and if I was

not believe, so be it.

[avebury]

4. I would tell, particularly if their was

documentation to support the information. If the other woman didn't believe me, at least I did my best.

[In_The_Wind]

5. I would tell every truth I know.

[pipi_k]

6. If I personally knew

the second wife/SO, then yes, I would tell her.

But it's been my experience that doing that is pretty much pointless, for the exact reason you specify.

The new wife/SO isn't going to believe it, and may even accuse you of trying to break them up so the two of you can get back together again.

Unfortunately, many people believe that the problem had to be the accuser. And even if they believe the accusations, they'll think THEY are special enough to keep the spouse/SO in line.

[patricia92243]

7. I wouldn't because I would be afraid he would come after me. You know she would tell him what I

said, he would be furious, and he might harm me or my family.

Abuse doesn't suddenly begin after marriage. If the woman is dating him, eventually he will abuse her. She will find out without me telling her and inadvertently putting my loved ones in danger.

[olddots]

8. Crappy old cliche " Love is Blind "

you can and should tell but infatuation can get in the way .